Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

18 month olds very shy and timid at mums and tots??

6 replies

mumsgonemad123 · 14/02/2011 21:59

sorry if this is long......i have 18 month old twin boys who are very lively, happy, smiley little boys at home with me and in the company of people they know very well, which is really only DH, both sets of grandparents and an uncle who they see very regularly.

They are so shy, quiet and timid at mums and tots groups i have started taking them to. One is slighly better than the other and while sometimes they are ok, often they are clingy and are pulling at my leg wanting to be picked up and held. Today one just stood in a corner for what seemed like ages, just watching the other kids playing, i couldnt get him interested in any toys or get him to move into the middle of the room to interact with others, even his twin. Eventually he did play a little on some ride on toys and with some music stuff later. They are also so quiet, no babbling or words when at tots group and yet they babble away happyly to each other and me at home.

I am worried that i have introduced them to tots type groups and playgroups too late as i only started taking them after their 1st birthday and even then only maybe once a fortnight. Because they are twins i have found it hard to get out with them on my own particularly in the first 12 months. Although they have each other they have had relatively little social contact with other children, like i say as little as once a fortnight. Its so frustrating cos other people dont see the best of them, they are amazing at home with just me and DH, laughing, giggling, babbling, and VERY lively.

It is normal for so much social shyness at this age do you think?? i am a full time mum so they do not attend a nursery so its just mums and tots groups once, sometimes twice a week. Should i be going to M & T's more often than this???

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 14/02/2011 22:03

Have you only just started taking them? If so, then I'd guess that's all the problem is. They need time to get used to it. DD used to be like this. In fact, she'd get used to the group, relax, start playing, then there'd be a holiday break, and she'd be all clingy again at the beginning of the new term.
I think it's totally normal. Don't worry. They'll come out of themselves once they've got used to it and start to feel comfortable there.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 14/02/2011 22:04

Oh and don't worry about what other people think of your DCs. It's in no way important!

Tgger · 14/02/2011 23:02

Don't worry. They sound very normal. They just need to get used to the environment and then they'll get more confident.

They are probably very intelligent and see the environment as potentially hazardous Smile so are sussing it out before chilling out and joining in.

No, of course you haven't left it too late. It's only at about 18 months that toddlers start to join in really with others so I think you've got it spot on.

And, no, I'd say once or twice a week is great. Do you have friends with children a similar age that you can hang out with? Some children are much more relaxed in this sort of environment (some parents too (eg me!) rather than tots groups.

crystalglasses · 14/02/2011 23:12

My dd1 was always very reserved and clingy in the way you describe. She was always very happy to go to the playgroups but usually preferred to sit and observe. She has always preferred her own company. I used to be very anxious about this but over time I realised that this was her personality; even today, as a young adult,she only has a few close friends, but she is perfectly happy with her life.

mumsgonemad123 · 21/02/2011 22:46

thanks to all for replies. Tgger, no i dont really have any close friends in the area with similar aged tots, wish i did. its kind of a vicious circle cos with twins during first year its so hard to get out and about with them, and so you miss the opportunities to meet other mums. it doesn't bother me, i'm so busy i'm not in the least bit lonely but it would be nice for the twins to have some little play mates. I'm sure it will all change and get better soon!!

OP posts:
Tgger · 21/02/2011 23:01

Yeah, of course it will Smile. The kids don't really care until nearer 3 and yours have each other too.

I met a good friend at play-group. I still go to the play-group, but I go to her house too and there's better coffee there Smile. I moved area so had to start again with Mum friends. Much easier now my older one is at school nursery.

Just if you meet a Mum who you get on with at play-group, invite her round for a coffee and that could be the start of who knows?!- it's funny, it's a bit like going on a date, just be bold- well that's if you fancy the company for you and your twins- if you're not bothered that's completely your call too!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page