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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

23 month old hitting other children

8 replies

naughtyds · 13/02/2011 22:32

hi all,
my ds is 23 months old. he has what i would describe as a typical "boy's" personality. He loves running around, obsessed with climbing etc but also will sit and read a book and that will keep his attention for a while. He loves building blocks and role playing- taking his "baby" (doll" to the park in his pram, changing her nappy and patting baby to sleep! etc. sorry not sure all that is relevant but trying to build up a picture of him.

he is generally "good". and will listen to me. when he does something "naughty" like climbing o something he shouldnt or throwing something that isnt a ball (does that a lot) i warn him once, then i he does it again he goes on the naughty step. once he has said sorry and given us a cuddle he always then goes and eg picks up what he was ut on the step for throwing etc- so i wouldnt say his behaviour was unmanageable. his speech is really good for his age so i dont think he is frustrated re communication.

So the one thing i am struggling with is when we are with family friends children, he will often go over and just push one of the other children over, or hit them with something for no reason. he also snatches toys that other children have (although i feel that bit is more "normal". when he does that i take him away, tell him that we do not do that as it is naughty and if he pesists- its the naughty step...

its just sooo embarrasing and i am so worried he might actually hurt another child. sometimes i think he is just heavy handed and its accidental boistrousness but it is definitely on purpose sometimes too.

So i guess whati am asking is- is it normal? if not- what do i do? if it is, is there anything else i should be doing to make him stop!?

oh- and he goes to nursery and they havent said anything about him to this effect- his comments on his form every day are "good boy", "chatty boy" etc

sorry that was longer than i meant it to be!

thanks

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Original poster

naughtyds · 13/02/2011 23:34

anyone?

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cheekster · 13/02/2011 23:39

My DS is 2 1/2 and I am experiencing exactly the same. I took him to a soft play area last week and I was fed up of having to tell him off and get him to apologise to the poor children - I was fed up of apologsing to all the mums too

The most embarassing thing though is that he knows who to target, he never does it to children older or bigger than him. I too use the same naughty step technique, but Im seeing little improvement!

icapturethecastle · 13/02/2011 23:44

I think this is pretty normal well IME - you could have been describing my DS at that age. However he did grow out of it - now 3.5 and we rarely have these moments. It will pass just keep telling yourself this.

Original poster

naughtyds · 13/02/2011 23:45

thanks for replying cheekster.

funily enough my ds also does it a lot more with smaller/younger children. So i guess that makes them at least a bit clever even if they are being little bullies (looking on bright side to hide shame!) :)

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Original poster

naughtyds · 13/02/2011 23:48

thats reassuring icapture.
can you remember roughly what age he grew out of it? hoping its not another 18 months of apologising to other parents...!

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GandalfGrey · 13/02/2011 23:53

Hi there, this is definatly a normal phase of the toddler. At this stage of their developement they are very self orientated and haven't really worked out or experienced how it feels to be pushed over or hit by another, same with biting which is often a stage too.

I handled it by going to the aggrieved child first and making sure he or she was ok (lots of fuss) then saying very clearly to my own little darling 'Please don't push/hit/take someones toy, if you do that again we will....leave/go outside/sit on a chair for some time out whichever was most appropriate.

I felt that at least I was reassuring the other mum that i was not ignoring it but gave my own a chance to stop the behaviour before going for a consequence.

They all grew out of it pretty quickly though!

icapturethecastle · 14/02/2011 00:37

Gandalfgrey gives good advice - I tried to do the same. DD came along when he was 23 months and it did improve from then - probably really started to grow out of it by 2.5 (well he still has occasional moments!!). He started preschool at 2.9 and has been brilliant since then plays so well with other children now. I look back and wonder why I worried so much! Good luck - I think most parents understand you just get the odd one who doesn't just secretly wish a thrower and hitter on them and then they will know how you feel!!

Original poster

naughtyds · 14/02/2011 20:58

thanks gandalf and icapture. i think then that i am doing as you guys did so will just continue to try and be consistent.

I spoke to his nursery key worker today and she says he doesnt ever do it at nursery- a little angel all day at the moment apparently! (he went through a stage of it there a few months ago which they told me about at the time). She thinks he is proabbly just testing the boundaries/just a phase- hope she is right!

thanks again

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