Playing together - 3's a crowd..

[biological]

Ok WWYD?

I have 2 lovely friends with 2 lovely daughters. Our children are all the same age & we've known each other since way before we had kids.

They are both SAHMs & so their children see more of each other and are good friends.
Whenever we see them individually the DDs get on really well & a great time is had by all.
Whenever the 3 of them get together my DD is always the spare part & the other two can be quite mean about it in the way that only 6 year olds can - running off, having secrets, she's always the baddy etc. I hate to see her getting so excited about seeing both of her friends at the same time & then always coming away a bit confused and disappointed.

OH thinks it's bad for her confidence/self esteem to keep putting her in this situation & we should only see the girls one at a time.

I'm in two minds - I hate to see her left out but am reluctant to interfere. Plus I like to see both my friends at the same time occasionally..

Sorry, no useful advice really, just didn't want you to feel ignored. Is it possible for your DD to play other children or seen them individually? I wouldn't like to see my child regularly in that situation tbh.

You are right. I never allow two other girls to come and play with my DD. Inevitably there will be a pair formation and one will be left out.
DD is 9.9 now and understands my reasons. One to one is great, two to one is a disaster.
IIWY, I would either invite one other girl or just have them over individually.

Thanks for the replies.
I think we'll avoid joint outings for a bit.

I think that it needs to be adressed rather than avoided. And that it is part of their upbringing to be taught empathy and to behave nicely to others - even if there are 3 of them.

When my two DD's are playing with their cousin there has been a tendency to leave DD2 out and even tease her. I tell DD1 and the cousin that this is unacceptable behaviour and explain that DD2 is upset by this. If it continues either DD1 or the cousin is put in a room by themselves and told that they can join in when they can play nicely.

You need to agree with the other mums how to address the matter beforehand, I would say.

HTH.

My dd is 6 and has 2 best friends. Initially, there were lots of problems with one child being left out all of the time (not always the same one). However, if you watch them play now, its lovely - they negotiate and rotate roles and no single child is dominant. They have learned to control their relationship themselves.

However, dd and her friends spend every day together and have had a lot of time to work things out between them. This might not be possible in your case and I think maybe you should talk to your friends and ask if they mind you reminding the other 2 to include your dd as she gets upset.

DD went through a very tricky time with this when she was about 6. She had a very BF and then another girl became freindly with BF, and so DD had to accommodate her too. DD and the "new" friend were/are chalk and cheese, but both have quite strong personalities.

As all the girls were in class together, the school got involved and the girls managed to sort themselves out pretty well. We also did a lot of talking at home about how to get along with people and how to handle different scenarios. I know that DD made mammoth efforts to get along with the girl who had joined her and her BF, and it has stood her in good stead. She is now very good at getting on with all sorts of people and seems happy in a three.

Do the other parents notice what is happening?

3 doesn't work, it's a recipe for disaster. I find when there are 2,4,5,6... it works, but 3 children never ever works; thre's pairing, arguining, tears ..you name it.

My friends find the same too, so we all opt for higher ot lower numbers