Help! Should I 'teach ds to stand up for himself' and how do you do that, exactly?

[edam]

Went to M&T group today. Ds got hit and shoved by one child who wanted to get into the Little Tykes car ds was in. And then had his hair pulled very badly by another child who wanted to play with the toy kitchen - there was enough room for both of them but that wasn't enough apparently. Hair pulling child grabbed two chunks of poor ds's hair and wouldn't let go! Had to drag him off ds. Both parents were apologetic when they saw me telling their kids off (calmly and politely) and made them say sorry - but is there anything I can do to help ds when other children are harrassing him? I know they probably all do this at some stage but ds has never done more than tried to grab another toy at the same time - doesn't pull hair or manhandle other kids. He's 2, btw. One of the kids was older, one of them looked a bit younger.

Any advice welcomed. TIA.

Oh, similar thing last week at another M&T group only with older kids - aged about four.

teach him to say "NO" in a loud voice. Not much else you can do really, it's so upsetting.

I'm mother of victim and bully toddlers when they were that age (one of each) so I'd just say try not to overeact as the toddlers don't mean to be horrid and most grow out of it. Both of mine are gentle now.

Do you have any more kids edam?

Recommend that you watch him closely and intervene promptly as necessary...it probably upsets you much more than him if that helps at all. I can't see how you can teach a 2 yr old to stand his ground against this sort of thing - it's hard enough when they're school age!

Otherwise maybe avoid any particularly rough M&T groups?

No, he's an only child, but has been going to nursery since he was 7 months so he knows how to play with other children. Seen him doing it - and rush up to give another nursery child a big hug when they turned up at the same group. I know they aren't devil children, and I didn't steam in or anything, just pulled them apart and told them off calmly. And their parents were fine about it. I'm sure they probably all do it at some stage, I just want ideas on how to help him handle it rather than relying on me - happy to step in but want to help him to learn how to deal with aggression. Was shocked at the hair pulling tbh, strikes me as really nasty, but maybe that child has older siblings who do that?

Teaching him to say 'no' is a good one, thanks - why didn't I think of that?! So simple.

Oh, the hair pulling really upset him - must have really hurt, the child was really yanking. He was sobbing and wanted out of the toddler group, didn't even want to stay for the sing song bit he usually loves.

The pushing and shoving he didn't mind so much, once it was stopped - goes with the territory for 2 yo I suppose.

The hair pulling is awful It happened to ds2 once. my niece's little boy did it at a wedding reception and he was badly affected tbh. He wouldn't let go either.

I was watching, but hair pulling happened as we were all putting the toys away (we all have to help as it's in a church hall and they need it for something else after us. And anyway, just seems fair, really).

The thing is, you can't guarantee you won't get kids who are going through an aggressive stage at any toddler group - and I want him to enjoy them as he's now leaving nursery so important for him to play with other kids.

You could tell him to hold their hands if somone is attacking him.

My ds went through a phase of pinching his (older) cousins so I would keep a really close eye on him when other kids were around. I think he did it more out of interest and affection than hostility, but of course that's no consolation for the victim.

One of his cousins is a very sweet, gentle and loving boy and I told him that if ds ever hurts him, he should grab his hands and he should always tell me. Perhaps if you intervene again you should say loudly to ds that "if anyone hurts you, you must come and tell me. It's not nice."

Or else tell him to scream loudly, that might get the aggressor to back off.

Ds2 is 2 and shouting seems to work well. One particular child today was generally annoying the others. One boy pushed her and a general scuffle broke out. When she later approached ds2 he just shouted "No! Get off!" and she retreated fairly rapidly.

Thanks for these ideas - I really don't want ds to get the impression that this sort of behaviour is ok. He started biting after being bitten by another child at nursery... sigh... fortunately only bit another child once (my best friend's little boy when she was very kindly doing emergency childcare for me aarrggh), mostly me and dh but think we've sorted that one out).

My kids were taught to say "stop - that is hurting" or "stop - I don't like that" by childcarers. Toddlers don't realise their actions hurt others. Were these children older???