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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD accused of something at school

14 replies

Joolsy · 11/02/2011 13:01

Teacher called me over yesterday to say 1 parent and 1 child in her class had complained to her that my DD (7) had stuck the V's up to some children she didn't want to play with. Now I may sound biased but at school my DD is quite quiet and sensitive and it is not in her nature to be nasty to other children. I have seen her playing with others on countless occasions and she's always considerate and kind. She is by no means perfect but I've never seen her do this before, and the teacher didn't witness it either. I said to the teacher that I was surprised this had been said and she said she was surprised too but it could have looked like that gesture when it wasn't. Anyway I spoke to DD about it and just asked her to be truthful. She said she didn't know what it meant or even if it was good or bad, and denies doing it. Seemed like she was telling the truth. There are a couple of kids in her class who love winding her up and trying to get her into trouble as she always takes the bait. So is it just something I have to accept that may happen from time to time or should I have a further chat with the teacher? At the end of the day no-one can prove it did or didn't happen but I don't want her to be labelled as a troublemaker.

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 11/02/2011 13:04

Did a parent actually see this? If so, then I think you should accept that as truth. A parent is unlikely to decide to make that up.

I would seek to establish who actually witnessed this.

Even the nicest child will lie to get herself out of trouble

dikkertjedap · 11/02/2011 13:06

I think that it is important to stand up for your dd as there is no evidence and based on talking to her it seems she hasn't done it. Do you know who the child and parent are who complained?

Original poster

Joolsy · 11/02/2011 13:07

I don't know who the parent was and whether they actually witnessed it or whether they are the parent of a child who supposedly did witness it, if that makes sense! Not sure the teacher will tell me who it is either.

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 11/02/2011 13:09

You don't need to know who it is. You just need to know whether it was witnessed by an adult.

If it was, then imo, it is more likely than not that she did do it. If it was not witnessed by an adult then it is impossible to tell and all you can do is take the opportunity to tell her that it is not a gesture that she should make. For future reference.

earwicga · 11/02/2011 13:12

It's highly unlikely that a 7yo doesn't know what a V sign is. Even if she didn't know, she does now and she knows it's not acceptable at school. What else is there to mull over?

Kathryn31 · 11/02/2011 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kathryn31 · 11/02/2011 13:29

Hi,

My 7 year old wouldn't know what a "V" sign was and like your little girl wouldn't do it to other children.

He is also sensitive, quiet and very aware of right and wrong - though this sometimes gets him into trouble...

May be I made a rod for his back, but ever since he was little we have always instilled in him about being nice, sharing and being considerate to other children. However, we sometimes worry that because he doesn't "hit back", or even stick up for himself too well he can get "pushed about" sometimes and can seem not too confident. That said he has good friends and gets on well at school, I never worry about his behaviour. I know what kind of child I would prefer to have!!

Even if another parent "saw" the hand gesture, like the teacher said it is possible they mistook a "wave off", perhaps your little girl wasn't wanting to play with the children and was gesturing them away. I think you know your child well enough to know whether it was possible for her to have gestured in such away. Go with what your instincts are telling you, reassure your little girl.

from a mum, who's been there!!

earwicga · 11/02/2011 14:02

'but ever since he was little we have always instilled in him about being nice, sharing and being considerate to other children.'

Doesn't practically every parent

'I never worry about his behaviour.'

Well good for you! I know quite well that children are different outside the home, and can be easily led by others. I would very much hope that my children don't engage in any bullying or other horrible behaviour and they are taught about equality etc., but I know that nobody is perfect.

Kathryn31 · 11/02/2011 14:53

Ok, I think "earwicga" may have misunderstood where I am coming from..

Sure "practically every other parent instils good behaviour", but we all know how our children are in public, how they have been in their little lives thus far deep down don't we??!

My little boy, like Joolsy's little girl is very sweet natured. Sure he has his moments with us at home - but at school and with his friends he is very considerate, often to the detriment of himself.

What I am trying to say is that Joolsy knows the likely hood of whether her little girl would have reacted like that and she has to trust her own instincts in this instance as there is considerable "hearsay".

Let's not "cherry pick" comments and try to be disparaging on someone else's "take" on a situation?!! Sorry for any misunderstanding!

earwicga · 11/02/2011 14:59

Kathryn31 - I wasn't trying to be disparaging. From working with parents I know there are parents who have a completely different vision of their child to the reality that everyone else sees. I am NOT saying that this is what has happened here, but in my experience things aren't always so straightforward. I take this into consideration when dealing with my children. One is very sweet, the other is very nervous. The nervous child comes over to others as rude and abrasive as this is the cover.

Anyways, ignore me and definately don't take offence - I am only one person on the internet.

Kathryn31 · 11/02/2011 15:03

earwicga thank you, I am sorry!, have re-read my message and know what an idiot I sounded like, much like one of those parents who fail to see their child pushing another right in front of them!! must dash, got to go and pick up said child!!
xxxx

kerala · 11/02/2011 15:03

I agree with earwicga. My family are all teachers and often speak of the gulf between behaviour in school and parental perception of their angelic children ...

earwicga · 11/02/2011 15:04

I didn't think you sounded like an idiot at all! Sorry I sounded disparaging.

Kathryn31 · 11/02/2011 15:57

earwicga - thanks again, really didn't want to sound like a parent who fails to recognise their children are not all angelic! Of course not!

With my second little boy I know all too well how cheeky he can be at times!! He has a lot more confidence than number one, so once he finds his feet in a situation I have to remind him to mind his manners sometimes! - We've only just given his reception teacher "I'm sorry I was grumpy" card!!

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