How to explain death to a 3 yo

[Noomininoo]

My dear old Mum died about 6 years ago & whilst we've always had a picture of her around the home, my DD1 (aged 3.9yo) has recently started asking about her. The thing is I?m not really sure how best to explain the fact that she died to her. I?m an atheist so I don?t really want to go down the heaven & angels route but I also don?t know what else to say to ?sugar coat? the pill. I know you?re not supposed to tell them its like falling asleep as it?ll give them a complex about going to sleep. I also don?t want to tell her that ?Nanny? was very sick as I don?t want her to worry every time she (or I or DH or DD2) gets a cold so I don?t really know what to say for the best.

She is going through a particularly sensitive time at the moment (I had to turn Finding Nemo off the other night as she found it too upsetting!) so I have to be careful how I approach this. Any suggestions??

Interestingly my 2 DDs who are 3 and 4, dislike the 'upsetting'(!) parts of films such as Finding Nemo and some stuff on CBeebies, Grandpa in my pocket for example. However they talk very matter of factly about death, and when people die, will they die, will I die etc. For my children I think that some 'upsetting' parts of films are so unrealistic that they don't understand it.
My 3 year old said to me the other day, 'when you die Mummy will we live with Granny and Grandad?' My 4 year old then said 'No they will be dead too, perhaps we could live with 'M***', a friend at school.
When they asked I have said people die when they get old, or when they are very poorly not just a cold etc. I have said that many people believe that they go to Heaven, I am not religious but see no reason not to say this, as they will be told this at some point by someone. My 3 year old asked me of it hurt when you died, I said no, I saw no reason to say anything else, we don't actually really know if it does. Basically my thoughts were to answer questions simply and clearly.

When DS was 3 we went to the church yard where my mum's ashes are buried. He never knew her - she died 10 years before he was born. I got slightly emotional, and said something like, "Granny is buried there with her mummy and daddy. She would be so happy to have a lovely grandson like you....I think she will be up in heaven smiling down at you." DS said, "She can't be in heaven - she is under there...I need a wee." And that was the end of that! We talk about her now and again, and it is not an issue.

Interestingly he is vvv sensitive about some films like Nemo, nor does he like Grandpa in Pocket...but mentioning death now and again doesn't have such an effect. 2 weeks ago we saw an elderly relation aged 88. She died about a week after we saw her, and I simply mentioned it. They weren't very interested.

I have been through this with DS1, we are atheist too. I have just said that when people get very old or sometimes very poorly, their bodies stop working and they die. Then their bodies get buried in the ground and bits of them go to make new plants and flowers etc. And the people who love them will always remember them. This seems to satisfy him for now!