How do I get DD to be happy at preschool?

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

My DD is 2.10 and goes to preschool just one morning a week for three hours. She has been at this particular preschool since November. Previously she was at a private nursery, also one morning a week, since she was about 14 months. This is mainly to get her a bit more social and to give me a morning off.

When she first started nursery, over a year ago, she was a little teary as expected but soon got used to it and enjoyed going. We took her out of the nursery as a place at the preschool became available and we also felt the nursery weren't really very forthcoming with a potential problem with her speech.

So she started new preschool absolutely fine, loved it there, speech coming on well, staff are lovely, putting provisions in place with their SENCO to help her speech.

But two or three weeks ago, I got a call while she was there to say she was crying uncontrollably could I fetch her. She had eaten and had a drink and been to the toilet so no apparent problems so they decided they would keep her until the proper time so as not to confuse her and not to make her think mummy will come as soon as she cries.

The week after they say she had a few tears here and there but on the whole generally ok.

Today however, I go to drop her off and she bawls her little eyes out and was clinging on to me. I don't know how I can make her happy again?

She is very shy and clingy at the best of times. She won't go to anyone other than me or her dad but used to be fine at preschool. I don't know why she has suddenly started to hate it this past three weeks.

We have filled out CAF forms to access SALT and she has had a hearing test which is all clear. She doesn't like to interact with her peers much and really lacks confidence.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Thanks for reading if you got to the end.

Hi sorry to hear you're having such a hard time of it. I just wondered if anything had changed at the nursery - has there been a change of staff or anything? Or at home - any changes there that could be unsettling her? Does she take a favourite toy that she can play with if she's feeling anxious - it's something that the nursery my DS (2yrs 10 mths) asks you to do, especially when they start or are unsettled).

Do you take her to mums & tots groups - I just wondered if it is something that could be used to try and gradually get her to take to other adults a little more and help her confidence?

Also, when I started my son at nursery they said that sometimes a week in between is too long and it can make them more unsettled - have you considered her going maybe twice a week (if your circumstances allow).

Good luck xxx

Thanks for your reply Kat.

I have thought that perhaps she isn't going often enough but I really can't afford to send her any more than she is going. I am 6 weeks pregnant so we need to be saving up as much as possible at the mo. She will get free sessions the term after she turns three, which will be September term as her birthday falls over Easter.

No changes at home (other than my pregnancy that DD doesn't know about yet) and the staffing is the same at preschool.

DD doesn't have any security toys or dummies. She used to have them to get her used to going to the first nursery but they ended up holding her back. As soon as we stopped sending them with her she started playing more so I would be reluctant to start that again.

I really am struggling to find a reason for her upset.

I can understand cost being prohibitive. What a shame she misses out on a term of free hours with her birthday falling over Easter. One other thing I meant to say in previous response but forgot was that maybe it is just a development thing she is going through at the moment. I remember one woman saying at the nursery that DS goes to that her son was one of the oldest there and that he was going through another clingy phase when he cried when dropped off despite having been for 2 years and having loads of times inbetween when he had sailed in! I hope it is something that resolves for you soon - it's so hard when they have these difficult times.

Sorry to hear your plight. You can google for Government info on free nursery places. Probably the main problem is you changed nurserys and she's struggling with just 3hrs a week. Ask the pre-school to asign her with a one to one key worker that will give her plenty of cuddles and attention - that should help enormously. Lots of music too helps singing of songs etc. Wishing you all the best and for your baby that's on the way too.
S-J

Ok, I have two thoughts.

Firstly even though she doesn't know about your pregnancy they are very cunning and pick up on these things- they are very sensitive to Mummy and changes in hormones etc will affect them.

Second thought, separation anxiety comes in waves and she is still not yet 3, it could still be this. Have you thought about upping her from more than 1 to at least 2 or even 3 sessions a week? This would help her accept and enjoy it more as her routine rather than a sudden "have to leave Mummy" moment. Ah, just read pp who said the same- shame if you can't afford it- sorry.

I would def go with reason one for her upset- my DS got all unsettled in my early pregnancy the changes in hormones are astronomic!!!

Thanks everyone. I'm really hoping it is just a phase as she was fine before.

heany She has her own key worker, the SENCO assigned herself to DD as soon as she started because of her speech and has bought new sets of flashcards to help her and has generally been brilliant with DD. DD loves her and talks about her all the time.

tgger I think you may have a point. Eventhough DD doesn't know I am pregnant she may well sense something is different. Obviously now I can't carry her as much and she can't jump on me. I have no issue with her knowing but I know she would blab and nobody in RL knows yet.

Hopefully it is the pregnancy unsettling her and she will get better over time as I start to feel better and am able to tell people.