Controlled crying

[Jenn1982]

My daughter is 7 months old and does not go to sleep without having her bottle. I've been told that the only way to change this is by using the controlled crying method.
My daughter has not fallen asleep in her cot since she has been able to roll over and crawl. She will simply romp around her cot and cry until we sooth her, and she falls asleep, then we can return her to her cot.
She does not cry any other times than when she is tired or hungry or left on her own.
Does anyone know of a less harsh method than controlled crying? We are unable to leave her with anyone else overnight until we have solved the problem. She needs to be able to fall asleep on her own.

Try putting her in a sleeping bag as it will restrict her movement which might make it easier for her to get settled for sleep.

DD went through a stage there when she was just crawling of doing endless laps of her cot rather than sleeping.

We are now dealing with a touch of seperation anxiety (she is 10 months) which means she wont always settle on her own. What i do is lay her down on her tummy (her preferred way to sleep) and i just stand there and put my hand on her bum. It is not stimulating enough to keep her awake but it is comforting enough that she doesnt start crying for me or DH. As she has started to get over the anxiety i have been needing to do it less and less time and leaving the room while she is drowsy rather than fully asleep. Seems to be working.

I think that Jo Frost (Supernanny) has a similar technique that she uses for slightly older children who get out of their beds and will only go to sleep if mummy is there. She has the parents put the child into bed and then just sit on the floor of the bedroom so the child can see you, but with the lights off and no interaction. Each night you move a little bit closer towards the door. The kids do resist at first (change is hard) but eventually they get the idea that they can go to sleep without mummy or daddy. As i say though, that is for older children but i think you could adapt the principle.

THere are loads of different methods to try. You do not have to do controlled crying. Please don't do it if you don't feel comfortable with it. I used the gradual withdrawl method with DS1 and DS2 and are starting it with DS3 and it works a treat if a little slower than CC.

THe best book I ever bought was 'teach your child to sleep' by the Millpond Clinic - published by Hamlyn. It gives you step by step instructions for different methods (including cc if that is what you want and what suits your personality, your childs personality and your family set up)

If I have more time I'll write more later!!!!

DD is usually pretty good at going off to sleep on her own. She has her bottle downstairs, we brush her teeth her teeth then she goes into her sleeping bag and cot and I read quietly to her for 5 min or so until she settles before leaving her to sleep. If she is struggling to sleep I have 2 diff things I try:

1. If she is overtired/upset then I lay her down in the cot in her sleeping bag and put my hand on her tummy but look away. Then as she starts to get sleepy I sit back a bit but stay close. Once she has that 'my eyes are just too heavy to keep them open' look and she is breathing more calmly I leave. This took up to 30 min at first but now usually just takes 5-10 min BUT if she is very restless/frustrated and crying and struggling to get up I often go out and leave her to cry for 5 min then go back in and try again otherwise I can be there for hours. That 5 min cry seems to get rid of the excess energy and she settles more quickly the second time and she isn't really upset, just overtired.

1. If she is bouncy and won't lie still but still cheerful I usually just leave the door open a bit with the light on in the hallway and chuck a toy and a book in with her and leave her to it. We often hear her chatter for 15-20 min then she whinges a tiny bit and falls asleep (usually wrapped around her book).

Hope that helps! I found 7-8 month the worst time for sleeping. Now she is more mobile she is exhausted by bedtime and as long as we can get her calm and settled by bedtime she goes off much more easily.

Thank you. I will look into that book today, as we're supposed to be starting cc this weekend or next. I'll see if any other ways suit us better.

Right a little bit about what we did..

First few nights we sat with DS on our lap and rocked and sang to him until he was fast asleep then after 10minutes we transferred him into his cot

Next few nights we sat with DS on our lap and just held him and sang to him - no rocking! - before waiting 10mins and transferring him

Next few nights we led on a mattress on the floor in DS's bedroom and held him and sang to him

Next few nights we sat next to the cot with our hand on DS and sang to him

Next few nights we sat next to the cot without touching DS and sang to him

Over the next week or so we gradually moved out of the room until we outside the door then eventually we just left!

As you can see it does take a long time but we found it very effective, very gentle, and very flexible. If DS was poorly we could just move back a step then continue onwards. My friend did CC and had to repeat it everytime something stopped her DS sleeping - cold / teething etc.

Whatever you do do it because it suits you and your family or it will be much harder.

Good luck!

Thank you. Have ordered the sleep book from Millpond too. Going to start something this friday.