3 year old behaviour - help!

[dibbydobby]

DS2 is 3.5 years and I always thought he was pretty run of the mill in terms of his behavour (i.e. not too naughty but not an angel either). However, today I had some friends round for lunch with their 3 year old and one of my friends had her 17 week baby with her. While i was out of the room, apparently DS2 sat down on the end of the baby's baby bjorn bouncer and let it ping back up again.....apparently the other mothers told him not to do it and he did it again, resulting in the baby being thrown from the bouncer....I didn't actually see any of this happen but as I entered the room the baby was wailing, as was DS2 and the mother was yelling and swearing at him - then she started screaming at me that I needed to do something about DS2 as he is "completely f*ing out of control"....it was absolutely awful and I felt so dreadful for the poor little baby (who is thankfully fine). I told DD2 off and he was punished with no ice cream for pudding and I made him apologise, but unfortunately the mother is still very angry and thinks that he has a problem with antisocial behavour and shouldn't be around smaller children. Now I really don't know what to do as he has never been violent towards another child before while I have been around and according to nursery (where he goes a few mornings a week) he is very well behaved and kind - I have a DD1 who is 10 months and he has never been an issue around her...however, I do see this woman every week and have done so for the past few years, so I am now wondering if she has noticed something I haven't...no doubt he can be a pickle at times (i.e. playing with a ball in the house when he shouldn't, jumping on the sofa, when i've told him not to, fighting with his older brother over tolys)but I just sort of assumed that this typical behavour and part of the whole "testing the boundaries thing". So sorry for rambling, but I am really worried now about whether or not he is actually out of control and I have been so rubbish as a parent that I haven't noticed it....the thought that DS2 is capable of really hurting a little baby makes me feel really sick. Has anyone else experienced behaviour like this, and if so, what did they do about it?

This sounds like a failure of supervision rather than a failure of parenting tbh - I think it's entirely within the normal kind of thing a 3yo might do!

WELL! Anyone who swears at your child ISN'T a friend!! How dare she!
This is what 3 year olds are like - when you tell them not to do something, they will do it on purpose.
Now this friend of yours, could have easily picked up her child from the rocker when your son started doing this. That's what I would have done if I saw my baby in danger. Also, why wasnt this baby locked in place? It is the mother's fault, as she was the adult in the room, not your son.

Like the person said above - this was a failure of supervision rather than parenting - Gosh, I applaud you for keeping your cool with this woman. I would not put up with ANYONE swearing at my child, because she made an honest mistake

Completely agree with milkyway2007.

I would have expected the mother to have picked up her child or at least to have moved baby and rocker away from your DS. 3 year olds are little monkeys at times and this is totally normal and not anything at all to be worried about.

To tell your child off lightly would be one thing but for her to shout and swear is totally uncalled for.

I think you need to question your friend's behaviour and not your sons.

The woman probably said what she did out of anger. Is the baby her first? If so I would disregard her opinion- especially if she can't express it without swearing.

If your nursery says he's fine and you think so too then I'd say that he's probably very normal

Thank you so much for all your support - I thought I was going crazy and just not noticing stuff.....the baby wasn't actually strapped into the bouncer and even though this is no excuse for DS2 doing what he did, the baby wouldn't have fallen if he had been strapped in ....I just feel a bit shell shocked and upset about the whole experience as I have never had anyone shout and swear at me before in that way and my immediate reaction was to think that DS2 must have done something really really really wrong to provoke such a response. Thank you all for putting it in perspective - I feel so much better.

What did the other friends do?
I think she was being incredibly precious, but then to not strap the baby in? Thats really strange, especially as they could see your ds do it.
I think he sounds a typical 3yo boistrous boy btw! :)

Dh and his brother used to do this for their younger brother (3 or 4.5 years younger). Younger brother used to love it and fall about laughing.
Agree with the ones who said they'd have picked the baby up. Wouldn't have thought a 3yr old (I've got a 3yo ds too) would realise it could hurt a baby, and might even think they were giving the baby a treat because they would think it was fun.

Blimey what an extreme reaction from your friend! My 3 yr old ds sounds very like yours and my 5mth old finds it hysterical when his big brother does exactly what you've described (admittedly he's never actually been thrown out of the bouncer and its not behaviour I'd encourage). Don't beat yourself up about it, as other posters have said, regardless of how alarmed your friend was that is no excuse to behave as you've described. I'm sure your son would not intentionally hurt another child/ baby and if you had anything to worry about the nursery teachers would have pointed it out- I'm a cm and if I was worried about the behaviour of the minded children id have a quiet word with the parents. Your son sounds completely normal, it's your friends who have the problem- they must all have seen what he was doing and as you were absent should have moved your son away from the bouncer or picked the baby up, it's not rocket science! Please don't spend any more time worrying about this, you sound like a good parent to a normal little boy.....fast forward a few years to when the baby involved is a 3 yr old who
does something naughty- wonder what her reaction to her own child will be ....