nearly 4yo running away from me on way to and from nursery - any advice please??

[lovechoc]

Everything time I take him to nursery or pick him up he just runs away and will not listen when I say 'come back here'. He just carries on. And he's fallen and smacked his head of the pavement twice now this week. Am dreading picking him up this afternoon.

Should I put reins on him? Or is that a bit extreme?

I also have DS2 (6mo) in the buggy.

Sounds like you might have to be extreme! We just threatened DS with reins and it worked. We had a wrist strap with us so we could carry through but didn't need it.

Maybe set some guidelines about how far he can run, they do like to be a little bit independent...

Reins or a wrist strap, or one of those backpaks with a strap. Either threaten as Mercedes says, or do it for a week then ask if he'd like to go back to walking sensibly beside you. He has to start knowing that running off is just not one of the available options.

I've tried reasoning with him, talking to him calmly about why he needs to hold my hand or hold onto the buggy.

I am going to take the reins with me this afternoon when I pick him up.

He just doesn't listen to me yet he takes DH's hand going to and from nursery without any problems. Also fine with grandparents.

I have given him enough independence by saying 'stop' or 'wait there' when he runs a bit ahead but then he doesn't stop or wait so I end up having to run with the buggy, not easy when there are loads of others in front on the pavement.

Thanks so far for the comments, at least I can see I'm not so cruel now by taking the reins with me. I just cannot risk him falling and bashing his head again until he can learn to walk sensibly and listen to me.

I think reins are a no brainer here. After a while, you'll only have to carry them with you and use them as a threat if he won't stay with you.

You're not being cruel in the slightest, you are looking after him, when he's not old enough yet to make sensible decisions.

TBH I think 4 can be quite young to do much of the "reasoning with him" - he will be able to stand and appear to listen, and even agree with you, but he won't be able to apply what you've said to the real world when he feels like running off ahead.

You need to go back to a firmer "No" and insist on him obeying, until he's old enough to genuinely understand why its a bad idea. And the reins will give you a mechanism for showing him you are serious and he can't jst do things his own way.

Thank you AMumInScotland, and everyone else. I was on the brink of tears walking back to the car today. I just felt like it was all out of my control and that others were just pointing the finger.

Yesterday I completely lost it with him because I asked him not to splash in the deep puddles but he carried on, so I frogmarched him to the car (as well as I could with the buggy in tow!) and then he wouldn't sit in his car seat, so I tried to force him in it, that obviously wasn't going to work because I was shouting. In the end I just left him on the floor of the car crying and stood there looking into the distance. DH was able to leave work to help me (luckily he works fairly local).The whole afternoon was a total disaster and I could have just ran away from it all :(

You have given me some hope now. I am finding it hard with the two of them at the moment.

lovechoc - i have never needed to use reins with my two (as yet!) but would do so as punishment if needed, sounds like a good idea to nip the running off problem in the bud.

You are not the only one who ends up losing it with your children and wanting to run off!! I think we are all like that at times.

When I notice other parents getting angry with their child etc etc all I am thinking is "I am sooooo glad its not just me" not judging the parenting at all.

thanks sparkle :) - DH has told me to stop being daft and that other parents nearby were probably not judging at all, and I've to stop reading into things.

Hoping my mood lifts this week or a trip to the GP may be in order.

DH said he'd look after DS2 whilst I nip out and collect DS1 from nursery shortly. Will be armed with the reins and see how it goes.

Thank goodness for the wisdom of MN!! Great support here :)

Put DS on the reins (explained first why I was doing it before leaving the building) and it didn't go down well. He threw himself onto the ground, and I was stood outside the building as other parents and children walked past us, as he threw the biggest tantrum ever. I just said nothing and stayed as calm as you like, was really impressed with how I handled the situation. He eventually did get up and I asked if he'd hold my hand to which he said 'yes' with tears streaming down his face. He held onto it the whole walk over to the car (5 min walk) and kept repeating 'I don't want the reins on' all the way. Still, he did as he was told and I told him I was really proud of him.

Result! Now for tomorrow's attempt...

Maybe you should try what my exCM did and tie a pair of tights around his wrist to hold onto.

Cain that's a brilliant idea, have never heard of that before!

He was probably humiliated with the reins, but I had no choice. Couldn't risk him running off again and smashing his head off the pavement for a third day.

I think he's just trying to push the boundaries. Chatted on the phone to another mum who's been there and done all that, and said it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it.

It's enough to drive you to drink!!

Neither had I...before or since.

I think this is tricky because at 4 years old - reins are a bit of an imposition. I have a 4y0 and a 6 month baby and the traffic club books - free if you live in london were fantastic at getting him to hold onto the buggy when going out when I had similar but not so bad issue

sesame - he wasn't so bad today. I gave him the benefit of the doubt though, and more fool me. I stopped to talk briefly to another mum on way into nursery and he ran off (within school grounds) so I had to cut the conversation short and catch up with him.

Needless to say, on picking him up I put him on the reins again. He is nearly 4yo and I feel terrible but I also worry about his safety and can't risk another bump to his head when he's just running like an eejit out of nursery each day. Esp not with a buggy in tow!!

Really appreciating all the advice here. Keep it coming. I'm not out of the woods yet!

I am also wondering if you've read the baby whisperer. It really helped me cos ds1 is a spirited baby/child and the bw's methods of discipline- which teach pre schoolers how to control their emotions and behaviour themselves - really worked for me without turning things into a battle and without using threats .

Although clearly there is a massive safety issue here with your ds, I suspect your ds is spirited and that reins are just a short term solution - can the nursery help by giving you any insight into his behaviour at nursery?

thanks sesamechoc - but the problem seems to have ironed itself out after the one day of wearing the reins. He now understands that if he is to do it again the reins will be going on (and I carry them with me so he knows it's not an empty threat!). Not had a problem since.