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Original poster

3.9 year old waking in the night. Please help !

18 replies

Tillyscoutsmum · 09/02/2011 10:06

DD was a pretty terrible sleeper as a baby but has slept through consistently from around 12 months. However, the last few months she has been waking in the night and calling (loudly !) for us.

She's not particularly distressed - there are no bad dreams or anything. She usually just wants a cuddle. She had me up 4 times last night Sad. DS is 14 months and he has started sleeping through the last couple of weeks, so I was hoping I might start getting a decent night's sleep, but it seems dd has other ideas Hmm

I'm just not sure how to deal with it. We had a reward chart and told her she would get a treat if she did 7 nights in a row. She did 2 and then woke 4 times last night.

When I talk to her about it in the day, she just says that she loves me and misses me at night time and wants a cuddle.

Should I try to ignore ? Continue with the reward thing ? Punish ??! Praise ds loads when he sleeps through ?

Any suggestions would be gratefully received

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Original poster
Tillyscoutsmum · 09/02/2011 10:47

.

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medoitmama · 09/02/2011 11:32

Just a quicky as I need to clean house before guests arrive for lunch! Only thing I thought was that 7 nights is a lot to ask to get a reward. Could you have a small reward each day instead for more imediate gratification? Have you tried a special teddy which she can cuddle if she wakes up, maybe one of yours if you have one?

Kaz62 · 09/02/2011 11:47

Hi, I had the same problem with my ds when dd was born. We used the behaviour chart but he had to get three stickers, not in a row and then he could choose a small treat. We also had a rule that he could wake us once (we did not tell him that!) and we would tell him that if we had to get up again he would not get his sticker. We had a few tantrums both in the night when we told him he would not get a sticker if he carried on and then again when we carried this through to the morning, but he understood pretty quickly. We also accepted that he wants to sleep with the light on very low for a while. It has worked and he is sleeping through, we have now moved the treats to every seven days and he has accepted, although they are slightly bigger. I hope things go well.

CilantroLarry · 09/02/2011 11:49

No clue Tils. 3.9yr old dd is the same. Sleep, apparently, is for the weak. She says she just loves and misses us too. I remember doing the same as a child.

mintyneb · 09/02/2011 13:07

sorry, tilly no advice but just wanted to say I feel your pain! 3.9yo DD has been waking 2 - 4 times a night, every night (almost) for the last 18 MONTHS!!

There's no tears, screaming or upset, she just walks down the landing with her teddy, waits til I wake up (usually instantly as I've already heard her footsteps) and then walks back with me to her room, climbs into bed and lets me pull the covers up before going back to sleep.

Sometimes, she'll say she's done a wee so I need to change her nappy, or that she can't sleep but generally not a word passes between us.

at first I thought its was just a phase and she would grow out of it, but no sign of it yet. I did say to her on Monday night that she was either to stay in bed or go to her daddy if she woke up as I was absolutely exhausted and so DH had the joy of getting up twice in the night :)

if anyone does have tips on how to break this habit then I'd love to hear them too!

MrsKitty · 09/02/2011 13:20

Oh how I would love to know the answer to this... Sad

Original poster
Tillyscoutsmum · 09/02/2011 13:26

Thanks all.

She does have a comforter which she's had since birth and will call out if she loses him in the night (which I have no problem with obviously).

Wrt the reward chart, she gets a sticker for each day (which she loves) and then a "big" treat for 7 days. I can see that might be a bit too far in advance for her to think about though. Will try the "one chance" in the night thing. and a small reward after 3 days. She does have fairy lights on through the night.

It seems to have started since she gave up her afternoon nap. She has always struggled with the overtired thing and, in an ideal world, could probably do with one or two naps per week just to catch up a bit but obviously now she's out of the habit, she won't go.

Maybe I'm just destined to look and feel knackered for the rest of my life Sad

OP posts:
Kaz62 · 09/02/2011 14:46

no we're not destined to be tired for the rest of our lives! we just have to make it through to the teenage years and then we won't be able to get them up :o

Original poster
Tillyscoutsmum · 09/02/2011 19:41

Brilliant ! Something to look forward to Smile

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EmmaCB1 · 09/02/2011 20:27

My DS1 is doing this too... he's 4.2 and up between 3 and 5 times a night. Not crying, just wakes and comes into our room and wants to sleep with us. Says he doesn't want to be alone. I've tried putting him back each time and he goes straight back to sleep, and also the opposite - letting him sleep in our bed with his daddy, while I move to his single bed. If we do this, he sleeps right through till morning. Part of me thinks just do it for now, it's a phase that wont last, but part of me is fed up with playing musical beds!

I'm seeing an educational psychologist at his pre-school tomorrow and will report back! Doubt there will be a magic solution though.

Oh, we've tried the GroClock, too, which shows a blue moon at night and then the sun comes up at whatever time you set it. Made no difference and I unplugged it in a grump the other day while muttering something about it wasting electricity...

medoitmama · 09/02/2011 23:11

Mintyneb just a thought as your case has been going on for so long. Have you been to your GP? A friend of mine's dd woke every night and it ended up being a proper sleep issue. Almost like sleep apnier (sp?) Something to do with her adenoids or sometihing. Sorry to be so vague, but in the end she needed a little operation, (nothing too major) and it's changed their lives! She now sleeps through and her behaviour has improved massively.

Think I might be tempted to let him swleep in my bed too Emma. Ghess he'd grow out of it eventually! Maybe if he always starts off in his own bed and you let him in yours at first waking, eventually he'd start sleeping through naturally? But think it's a difficult decision to make. Good luck to all!

mintyneb · 10/02/2011 20:44

medoitmama, thats an interesting thought. I have been wondering about talking to someone, even the HV, to see if there could be something underlying all the sleepless nights.

Will have to make a more determined effort to do something about it!

mintyneb · 10/02/2011 20:46

emma how did it go with the psych today?

Jenda · 11/02/2011 01:43

Sorry to butt in but would be reluctant to let them in your bed. My friend did it hoping DS would grow out of it.. he was still getting in with them at 8 :-(

ttalloo · 11/02/2011 04:10

Just found this thread - you could be writing about DS1, who's also 3.9yrs

For about six months he was waking up once or twice a week and asking for a cuddle. At 3am I couldn't be bothered to argue so I'd just get into bed with him, cuddle him and fall asleep.

But in the last month he started waking up every night demanding a cuddle, and even though I would lie down with him, I wasn't sleeping because was so restless. Arms flailing everywhere, tossing and turning to the extent that on occasions even he couldn't sleep.

As it's his birthday at the end of the month I threatened him with no party if he didn't stop this, so now he still gets me up in the night (to take him to the loo) but he falls asleep by himself and I get to go back to my bed.

It's gone well for five nights, but tonight he woke up with a nappy malfunction and now more than an hour later he's still awake, and has been calling for me every few minutes with demands for a drink/cuddle/music/lights.

But in the morning I'm making an appointment to take him to see his cranial osteopath; DS1 had flu last month, which is when this particularly bad bout of waking started, and I think he may need some gentle tweaking to sort out his sleep (it's worked with both him and DS2 in the past).

I don't know how I'm going to function today on four hours' sleep when I've been up since 2.45. Sad

Runoutofideas · 11/02/2011 10:45

I don't think this will help you but my dd2 3.6 was a terrible sleeper as a baby, didn't sleep through at all until she was 2 1/2. She is the same - needs reassurance that there is someone there in the middle of the night.

We seem to have solved it, at the moment, but letting her sleep in the same bed as her big sister (nearly 6). Both children love it and they currently "top and tail" in a normal size single bed. I've offered to move dd2's bed into dd1's bedroom, but they won't have it - they want to squeeze in together! For as long as it is giving us a decent night's sleep I'm going to leave them to it!

ttalloo · 11/02/2011 12:39

runoutofideas, we've been delaying moving DS2 in with DS1 until DS1's sleep settles, but from what you're saying, that might actually be the answer to our problem, because DS1 definitely wants reassurance that there's someone there for him.

Thanks for that tip - my goal is now to get DS2 in with DS1 as soon as possible!

Original poster
Tillyscoutsmum · 11/02/2011 14:03

runoutofideas/ttalloo

Dd shares a room with dsd one night per week and two nights every other weekend and she sleeps brilliantly when dsd is there, so it works for us as well. I wonder if her mum would let us "borrow" her for a few weeks to try and break the habit Wink

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