Apologies in advance for the length of this.
Recently my DD has become stroppy, negative and lazy and to use a cliche I feel like I'm living with a teenager :( Everything is a battle - homework or anything I ask her to do seem to be completed with the minimum of effort but doing her hair or choosing an outfit to walk round the corner in get her full attention. She answers back, sulks, will never agree to anything if it's my suggestion and generally behaves in away that I would never have dreamed at her age - in fact I wouldn't dare (or want) to speak to my Mum that way now.
I have always been fairly strict and she's been a fairly easy kid up till now - no angel by any means but 'good' to the point that people have often commented on her manners or behaviour. Now I am at my wits end as to how to deal with her - I am so tired of shouting and having the same arguments over and over again, of making deals and threatening (and carrying out) punishments but never getting anywhere.
I feel that it must be my fault as I know she's a good kid underneath - someone suggested it could be hormonal but it doesn't seem to follow any pattern and I can't see any other signs. But I do try to remember how crap I feel at certain times of the month and give her the benefit of the doubt, it just doesn't make any difference. She seems to almost despise me if I try to be kind or understanding - I don't like being put on the spot either - but how the hell else can I help her?
DH is not much help, he's very black and white so she's either good and they're getting on well or bad and he's cross with her - he would never look to himself to see why she might be doing something in the way that I do and he'd be unlikely to come up with any ideas of how to deal with her.
I do wonder whether her school situation is not helping - the kids here change schools at the end of Y4 and I feel they get some quite mixed messages at this age - on the one hand they have to be quite grown up but in other ways they are still very much kids. DD will be messing about with make-up and talking about boys and pop music one minute, the next she's playing with baby dolls and her imaginary friends - typing that actually makes me think is it any wonder if she's feeling confused?!
I really need to decide on the best way to handle this as we can't go on like it for much longer, we had a very shouty row earlier after she: pestered to wear an inappropriate (and not allowed) costume for her swimming lesson and sulked when I said no, insisted she didn't need a coat to go out in, sneered at the snack I said she could have and looked at me like I was a piece of dirt when I dared to correct her. It ended up with us hardly speaking for the rest of the afternoon and then her in floods of tears when I tried to talk to her later. I can see that this is a ridiculous way for a mother and young daughter to behave towards each other but I just don't know how to change things :(