11 year old ds seems to totally disregard everything I say...

[Cain]

You are all going to tell me this is perfectly normal aren't you?

He has been using my computer without my permission, I use this for banking and my business accounts and need to be careful about what sites he is visiting etc. I have explained this to him and yet he continues to use my computer without asking.
I know this because 1) he leaves food debris on the touchpad and 2) he doesn't delete his browsing history. He is going into all kind of online gaming sites and I have now put a password on so he can't use it.

Other examples are that he will ask me if he can do something, I will say 'No' (Yes, I always try to explain why and not just say no for the sake of it) and he will go and do it anyway.

Another example is that he will ask me a question, I will answer and he will either try to tell me I am wrong or check my answer in some way.

AIBU in wanting to pummel him until he realises there is a boss around here but it isn't him?

I had some good advice a while back - to only insist on what is important and let the rest go. But he seems to be taking that as a license to do whatever he wants.

He has been diagnosed as borderline ADHD but is also, I suspect, just a typical prepubescent boy.

Can anyone offer any suggestions of how to deal with it?

What are the consequences when he ignores you and does what he wants anyway?

Depends on the crime, so to speak.

Sanctions of some kind, I have removed some of his toys and this evening when I discovered for the umpteenth time he had been on computer I have removed the tv from his room. He only just got it back on Friday after what stretched into a two week ban. I also sent him to bed early.
Am running out of ideas and none of them seem that effective.

I have also used a few carrot enticements to no avail.

My DS is 12 and has to earn his time on my computer.

its less about the computer use and more about the actually getting him to listen to what I am saying.

It goes in one ear and out the other.

He just doesn't care.

Sounds much like my 10.5 yo DS1, he appears to listen to what I say on the surface but then does things his way/exactly as he pleases anyway. He does a good line in looking right through me when I nag talk too and often lies pretends he's done as I asked and looks surprised when I catch him out. Which I nearly always do.

We make him write lines if he pinches his brother (he was doing it hard enough to bruise and several times a day) and it has just about stopped him doing that as he really doesn't like writing them so he now checks himself more when he feels angry. I also once made him research the meaning of and write an essay on a swear word he used, he's never used that since. Perhaps you could find something he really cares about or really dislikes as a punishment for not behaving? But also rewards like computer time for doing as you've asked?

FWIW though I'm fairly sure its par for the course with pre-pubescent boys but will watch thread with interest just in case...

Thankyou Beckle, I hadn't thought of lines, that would really annoy him and it would improve his hand writing!

I have just set him up with his own user account but applied parental controls so he can't get on any old website...interesting to note and I can restrict the time he can use my computer now, Oh the control freakery!

I am going to give him lines tomorrow as an additional reinforcement as tv removal obviously hasn't worked. I wonder if the repetition will make it sink in...

It's probably not a good idea to suddenly introduce a punishment after the crime so to speak. The punishment should be a consequence that the child knows will happen as a consequence.

Oh yes Cain, his lines all have to be readable or they don't count so he tries hard to be neat! I do agree with Earwicga though that you should let him know that lines will be the consequence if he keeps breaking your rules rather than just springing them on him

I know what you mean about after the event punishing. I did think about it but decided that the tv removal had absolutely no effect so wanted to let him know he had not got away with it.

He did them tonight and asked would he have to do more tomorrow. I said it would depend on him and his continued good behaviour.

Fingers crossed.

Will keep my fingers crossed for you too

Removal of privileges has never really had an effect on my DS either, he's very good at finding other things to keep himself amused! I'm guessing myself that the next few years are going to be challenging