How to develop/encourage independence

[emy72]

I have 4 children, 6 and 4 (at school), nearly 3 and 16 months.

We have a house with a large enclosed garden that goes all around the house and has a lot of paving for bikes - the kids have loads of bikes/outdoor toys but will not play out there on their own, not even for 5 minutes. It drives me insane!

I don't expect the 1 and 3 year old obviously to be outside on their own, but my 4 and a half year old and 6 year old should be able to entertain themselves outside for 10-15 minutes?

It drives me insane, I get so exasperated and angry with them, but I know this is not a solution but I really do need help.

The problem is that I often have to stay inside because the 1 year old has a nap or simply doesn't want to go out if it's too cold etc or even if I need to pick up the phone or put the washing in or whatever, and then they all follow me inside!

I often think that we might as well not have a garden because if I am not entertaining them out there they just don't go AT ALL.

I know this is not normal, as my neighbours don't even have a garden and their similar aged kids play on the street all day long completely unsupervised.

It's driving me nuts, so any advice greatly appreciated, thanks!!!!

It must be really hard juggling everything with four, I have just two and it can drive me crazy sometimes!

I am not sure I can really help, but I wondered how you approached getting them to play outside. It could help if you initially go out there and get them engaged in some activity, and then say 'I am going in to check on the baby/pick up the phone/etc but I'll be back soon/in X minutes'. If they are happily engaged in something, they may be happier to have you go for 10-15 minutes then if they are just sent outside to play and have to start the process alone. I don't have the garden situation, but our house is built quite vertical and this approach seems to help to keep them playing (3 and 7 years) while I go to a different part of the house to do whatever household chores might need doing.

Maybe it will all work better when it is less cold and rainy : )

The funny thing is they are quite happy to be independent inside the house.

They are just not that keen on the outdoors, maybe it's because it's cold?

I do initiate stuff, but they are restless, ask for loads of toys out there and then after a few minutes they are back in!

The funny thing is that they do get to play outdoors a lot at school, I wonder how they do it then! Probably helps that there are loads of other children I guess!!

Do they have anything to do besides riding bikes outside? How about investing in a climbing thing/ swingset or a little wendy house? Or getting some chalk for drawing on the paved area? Or a pile of logs so they can build little houses for themselves?

Being cold and having only the two of them out there probably feels all wrong to them since they're used to the crowd at school with the general buzz of excitement. Plus in school they know they have to come in when the bell rings so they make the most of their freedom. Could you set a timer for them and call them in after half an hour - do a deal with them?

Good suggestions mathanxiety, thanks! I will try.

We did think that maybe they need a few more things to entertain them, logs is a fab idea! Someone recently also suggested building an "ants house", they might like that!

Outside the sandtable play (or water in the summer) works really well with mine. Or things like watering the garden with the hose, or 'washing' the windows with a squeegie...but this depends a bit on how much mess you can tolerate! I do also find that it helps to not have all the toy options out there available all the time and do a bit of rotating. It is a bit more hassle but does make them more excited about playing.