Did you manage your first child's behaviour differently to the rest?

[Hattie05]

Something i'm just coming to realise, and observations at a m&t group recently confirmed what i suspected.

My memory of dd1 aged 2 - 4years was a lot of sitting on naughty steps, and concerns for how to 'discipline' her and stop her from doing the 'wrong' thing. She's turned into a lovely angelic 8 year old.

With the next two dd's i have barely used the naughty step, barely shout or get particularly cross - life just seems more laid back.

I had questioned if differences in children's personalities were the reasons - but i've come to a decision that its a) more relaxed as a parent, knowing that they all get up to mischief and wont mean they have an asbo when they're older. b) less time on hands to notice this mischief. And ultimately does this result in a more laid back child who does not need to fight for the attention?

This was confirmed the other day when i witnessed first time parents scalding there children and taking them out of P&t group recently for time out. And those who had more than one child, being much more relaxed in the way they dealt with their children.

Am i right or wrong?

What are others thoughts?

Don't know.
I can't be bothered to use the naughty step second time round for DD. She's only 2 and 3 months, but I can't see it being used. It was such an effort with DS (now 4). Think I started using it sometime when he was 2.

I think second time round you recognize "typical toddler behaviour" and have more up your sleeve in terms of ignoring/distracting, probably more of the first . First time round you worry that if you don't discipline they will turn into horrors and you are more anxious to "do it right"- well I was.

Also think with nos 2 (and more, I only have 2) there is more entertainment for the younger ones and there is more of a family dynamic rather than adult and mini adult (well they are not, but sometimes if there's only one you forget this!).

I think when you only have one it's a more intense relationship and you take their behaviour too personally.

Severall dc later you just concentrate on providing food and sibling injury prevention

I think you are definitely right - well IME. I look back at how I would overreact when DS was naughty - he use to love to throw things and hit. I thought he was on his way to a life in jail! My DD is a different personality but I think a lot of it has to do with me not stressing so much. My DS is only 3.4 now so still a long way to go!

Yes, more relaxed with ds than dd. Knew "this too will pass" and less embarrassed by normal toddler stuff. Doesn't mean don't deal with it, just less stressed when I do.

Thought so! for a long time i'd put it more down to my dd2's personality, but i do think its more to do with reasons listed here now e.g. parenting, extra siblings etc.

Yes.

I way over-parented my poor dd1. Unfortunately for her, she has been very much my experiment when it comes to parenting, poor lamb.

You live and learn, I guess. Life is much easier for dd's 2 and 3, although I'm still making lots of different mistakes with dd2 which I'm hoping to rectify ready for dd3.

If I had 15 children, I may just about get it right

My DD1 was never that naughty as I had the time to watch over her and intercept before it got to the being naughty stage, she did know about the naughty step but we didn't use it very much. DS1 and DS2 came along and the naughty step was somewhere that was used occasionally when world war 3 had broken out. Now with DD2 the naughty step is hardly ever used as I am so laid back in my reactions to her that I just ignore the naughtiness knowing that it is just a stage and she will grow out of it soon. Also had the problem that we were running out of steps to use that are a suitable distance apart :)

DD2 does however have an annoying passtime of drawing on anything she can get her hands on (including the wall) and is far more mischievous than the other were at this age. We do discover her sat on the naughty step sometimes refusing to tell us what she has done but that she knows she should be there.

I'm with plonker by the time you get to 15 you may get it right, but then again who says whats right and whats wrong, I just go with the flow these days, sure they will all turn out fine in the end

Expression I was given before I gave birth for the 1st time :-

"The first child teaches you how to be a parent. Subsequent children get the benefit!"

Love it doodlez so true!