cold turkey vs Ferberising

[taten]

So its 3.30 in the morning and my DD who is 6.5 months decides it time to play, she is unwell with a cold and is teething, and previously (on occasion) we have pandered to her and therefore helped to create the nightmare. We need to do something as DH and I are exhusted, we haven't had a full nights sleep yet. I wondered does anyone have any thoughts, advice, experiences, pros and cons of the methods above? I would be very grateful for any help.

I'm sorry that you're so tired, teething is hard.

But FWIW I don't subscribe to the 'rod for your own back', 'pandering' theories. Your DD is still tiny, she's in pain and wants you. Meeting that need isn't pandering. It really is just a phase, an exhausting one, but it will pass.

DS co-slept, bfed on demand until 2yo, yet was sleeping through consistently as soon as his teeth had all come through (just before 18mo in his case) and has continued to do so. This week he has asked to go to sleep in his bed for the first time. The point is that they all reach these development goals anyway, whatever you do or don't do. Babies I know that were 'taught' to sleep started waking again when they teethed anyway.

If you're desperate, books like Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution can give you some gentle methods to encourage sleep but, being brutally honest, they aren't going to work if your DD is in pain from teething - then mum or dad is really the only thing she wants.

When my daughter is teething and won't settle I have found that bringing her into our bed seems to settle her.

But - once she is there I close my eyes and if she starts to move around just put my hand on her and say shhhh or it's sleepy time and give her her dummy. I don't interact and I think she eventually gets bored.

I then take her straight to bed once she is asleep or I would never sleep myself.

It might not work for you, but then I've only ever had to do it twice so if it was more often I think I would be losing the plot.

Whatever you decide to do, you can't do it unti. She is better and not teething. Agree that only mummy and daddy will comfort her right now but don't play with her! You need to teach her the difference between day and night.

I found Pantley's NCSS very good for general sleep tips but ultimately had to do CC at 8 months as I was dying from exhaustion and to ge honest I think it was easier on my DS even though I was very anti CC and still am really. NCSS seemed to make him angry but maybe I did it wrong.

Rather than crying all night with me going in and out of the room to settle him, he generally cried for 5 min I comforted him and we did the same another 1 pr 2 times before he fell asleep. Took a few weeks but I got more sleep immediately. Also vaguely night weaned at the same time.

Not sure what you mean by cold turkey. If you mean shutting the door and letting her cry till she goes to sleep, I think that is a very desperate measure and not sure that anyone really advocates that anymore. Try not to let it get to that point. Can you leave it to her dad for a night or two so you can recharge?

For the next few days do whatever you have to to get some sleep, eg cosleep.

I agree with the others that 6.5 months is still tiny, and even without teething/illness, she will want and need you in the night.

Sleep deprivation is horrible, and I think most of us have been there/are still there!

I had a nightmare with DD going down for naps for the first 6 months. Managed to convince myself she didn't need the comfort, as she wasn't a newborn any more. That she was being manipulative and awkward. All thanks to the fact well meaning people were telling me she shouldn't be STILL sleeping in the sling, and should be learning to "self-settle". I was miserable.

I then came to the realisation, that my little baby was falling asleep with me there and then was finding herself alone in her room without any concept of how she got there. Or I would put her down expecting to sleep, and she had no idea that's what I wanted/needed her to do because the usual cues weren't there. She was too little to get it. Once I realised all this, it was much easier to make my peace with it, acknowledge that it wouldn't last forever and was happy to carry her whilst she slept until she was ready to sleep by herself. Which in the end was only about 1 month on from this crisis point!

I don't think you should beat yourself up for 'pandering' to her. You're just responding to her needs. I too don't buy the "rod for your back" idea. I got that a lot, because we opted to babywear and have always been baby-led (no routines, always respond to her cries, did baby led weaning etc etc). I was going to create a monster child, who would be clingy & demanding. She would only eat cake because we let her self-regulate. She would never learn to walk because she was always carried....etc etc

We've now got a contended, happy 18 month old. She is secure and relaxed, and will happily go to other trusted adults. She has a balanced diet, and will eat pretty much any food. She walked at 12 months, and actually walks more than all her friends as I let her down from the sling when she wants! We still respond to her cries, and in turn she trusts us explicitly.

Now all that may not be for you, but what I'm trying to say is...Follow YOUR instincts. Not anyone elses. Do what feels right for you and your baby, and you'll be a damn site happier than if you're trying to live up to other peoples expectations.