im ashamed to say, im frightened of my dd!

[NightHowl]

im hesitant to post this as i know every couple of months i post about how my dd is driving me crazy but she is getting even worse.

the other day she had 15 full blown tantrums, including one in the doorway of a restaurant and no-one would come to seat us (cant say i blame them). we had to go. then she started biting me every time i wasnt looking at her. when shes tantruming i have to pick her up like a baby and she kicks me in the head. she also runs up behind me and her brother and hits us with things. she is, quite frankly, horrible and i hate feeling like this. i dread every day. im not really physically scared of her but my nerves are permanently on edge for fear of upsetting her iyswim?

i dont even have to DO anything to upset her. sometimes she will scream at me and shake with temper because ive offered her a drink, or some food, things she usually likes. she's hardly eating at all these days. she screams with temper when visitors leave, but strangely not when i leave a room. she screams if i happen to brush past one of her toys, or if i give her the wrong toy...there's lots but i cant think of them all right now..basically most things upset her. i think that maybe sometimes im not giving her enough attention but its impossible, im a single mum and i CANT spend every waking minute playing with her.

she's 21 months now and has always been like this...is it ever going to stop!!!??? i love her dearly but looking after her, im ashamed to say, just feels like a chore most of the time.

is there something im missing? ive tried routines, eating meals at the same time (end result of that is she doesnt eat hers, screams to be let out of the highchair and comes along poking her fingers into my food, so i offer it her and she doesnt want it). she cant talk much but understands most things, i threaten her with bed or to sit on her own and cool off for a while but she's probably too young for that to work. where am i going so wrong with her? her brother has always been so well behaved, he was a baby full of sunshine and is now a young boy just the same.

Nighthowl - The dolly thing worked for us - (thanks scaryskribble!). I have say I felt a bit daft sitting dolly on the table with her own bowl of lunch and a spoon but dd LOVED feeding dolly one mouthful and then one for herself. How's it been going?

Hi nightowl.
i havent read the whole thread so apologies if i repeat anything already been said.

have you asked your HV to teach you some holding techniques? basicly it means if she kicks off and your out you can hold her safely and that way she cant hurt herself or anyone else.
when your indoors i would try and organise a quite place for her to be able to be put. i knwo this is difficult if space is at a premium but i often had to place my ds in a room alone for a few minutes to calm down. as the more attention you give the more wound up hge seemed to get.

Chandra has made a great point in the fact that if you say no then give in she will realsie that if she carries on long enough she will win.
no matter hwo tireing this gets you must never give in.
or if you do make her do something first. like sit calmly for a few minutes etc.

it does get better hun i promise. my son was a nightmare from about 18months old he is now 5 and althoguh we do still get the tantrums it is managable.

i dont know if you have spoken to your HV about all this but she may be able to reffer you to someone who can help teahc you techniques in dealing with her difficult behaviour.

good luck

I have just found this thread an think that the avice you have been given is so sound. IMHO it seems she has you wrapped around her little finger. Everything from food - 3 meals (!) to Hitting, to tantrums. Does she EVER suffer the consequences of her actions?

In our house we have a few rules, no hitting being one. For this demeanour there is no warning, it is straight to the naughty step. As I have 2 kids and often it is tit for tat, they both HAVE to go!!

Secondly sitting down and eating meals, if they muck about they get a warning, 'sit down and eat nicely or you go and sit on the step'. If they keep mucking about - that's it, straight to the step.

Doing something like climbing on furniture, I'll ask them to stop, then if they continue a full warning, then to the step.

Tantrums are also straight to the step.

We don't usually do teh 1 min per year of age, as mine are ready to say sorry well before then. However 2 mins is accecepable. And yes the time starts from when she goes on teh step, AND STAYS there! Basically the step works in two ways, it distances the child from teh rest of teh house (and fun things to do) Also it gives them a quiet place to calm down and think about what they have done.

Tantrums when you remain in the room, eeven if ignoring them continue far longer than if they are removed, dumped on the step and you can get on watching tv or something.

Supernanny works in two ways, punishing the bad by the step method, BUT and most important PRAISING THE GOOD. If dd has been good at Nursery, then make a HUGE deal of WHAT A GOOD GIRL she has been. Start a reward system, star chart or something that she is working towards. If she wants a new doll or something, have a system where she can see herself getting nearer to that doll (and also getting further away when she is naughty) Find time to do 'special mummy/daughter' stuff and make a HUGE deal of how clever/good/kind she is if she does something however minor.

Good luck