Hitting, biting, pinching, screaming ds 17mo Help me Please

[Confuzzeled]

DS is only 17mo and for the last couple of months I've been trying to deal with this really aggressive behaviour.

I am covered in red welts from him biting me, if he can't reach with his teeth, then he pinches. He goes for my face neck and shoulders the most. He doesn't bite dh or dd as much but he does try to pinch and hit them.

I have been saying NO firmly and removing him from the situation but it doesn't to distract him from doing it. The HV said I should say NO firmly then put him on the ground and walk away from him. The nursery said I should give his victim (me, dd or dh) lots of attention and ignore him.

But none of these things seem to be working.

He seems to get really excited and enjoy hitting me with toys. A few times he's accidently hit himself and he knows it's sore.

DD is very passive and doesn't hit back so he just takes goes for her all the time. Last week she had a friend over whom he attacked and she walloped him back, he didn't go near her again.

I don't know what to do anymore, every time we go to groups or softplays I have to hold onto him or he'll go for someone. Dh doesn't like spending time with him because he's either hitting or biting you, or if you avoid him he screams and moans.

I'm at a loss, help, please.

anyone?

I'm having very similar problems with my DS who is 3 next month. It's been going on for about 6 months now and happens when he's in groups of children who he doesn't know - which is pretty much any park or playgroup situation so these are very very stressful at the moment and I feel like I can't leave the house. Came home from one in tears yesterday as he looked like such an agressive little boy and made at least 5 other children cry.

I do very similar things to what you describe but also take him home if he continues to play-up.

I don't think there's any easy answers, it's not a sign of agression but a toddler's way of exploring the world and working out how to interact with people. It will pass.....but when I don't know.

Sorry, not much help but sending you lots of sympathy as I'm there with you!

Thanks, good to know I'm not alone. DD was never like this, is it a boy thing? I just worry that he hurts another kid or thinks that it's okay to hurt others.

Why don't they come with instruction manuals?

Sadly not, I think my DS's instruction manual would be very long, complex and contradictory!

Not sure about whether it's a boy thing as I've only got boys. I just find it so embarassing and don't enjoy doing anything with him at the moment as I literally have to shadow him wherever he is, pretty impossible whilst also watching my youngest.

I have high expectations for when he turns 3 - maybe the mist will lift and he'll be better! Or is that wishful thinking?!

Hang in there

OP, your DS sounds as if he's frustrated about something - maybe he wants to express himself verbally but can't, or perhaps he's got a lot of energy and isn't burning it off?

Since he likes bashing things, you could try channelling that into something more positive by giving him a drum or xylophone, or sending him out into the garden to kick a football.

I'm sure he'll grow out of it - and he won't grow up thinking it's OK to hurt people because you sound as if you are doing your best to tell him that this is not acceptable.

BTW DS2 went through a biting phase around the age of one, mainly because he was teething, but also because he just enjoyed it. I soon learnt to spot when he was going for me and to get out of his way, but it was awful while it lasted, so I do sympathise.

Lawrence Cohen in his book Playful Parenting has some good suggestions on channeling aggression as, yes, it does seem to be a natural part of growing up for many children, especially boys.

Can you schedule in some "cushion fighting" together? Something where he can bash away with you in a safe fashion and hopefully get it out of his system in a fun way and use up some energy too?

Sounds tough - good luck with it.

Confuzzeled and ridingthewave I'm there with you - see my post yesterday about DS pushing constantly....

Isn't it awful having to follow them round all the time, it makes for a very stressful couple of hours when that time should actually be a respite and an enjoyable outing!

I'm ashamed to say I've actually skipped a good playgroup both this morning AND this afternoon - I'm not feeling 100% and the thought of yet more confrontation and apologising for him was just too much.

I still can't work out why on earth he does it, seeing as it's not over toys/territory etc, so the thought of it still going on when he's nearly 3 (i.e. another year) like your DS ridingthewave makes me feel quite ill :(

It'd be nice if we all lived near each other and could unleash our unruly children together without the same guilt which is normally involved! Perhaps then they'd learn that it's not nice to be pushed and they'd stop doing it!

I hope I'm not still doing this when ds gets to 3 eeeek, he's so big he's hard to hold back now.

Do you know he may be frustrated, he doesn't have many words. The thing is, he doesn't seem agitated when he's doing these things, it's more like it's fun and a game to him. He has a drum and he loves knocking over big brick towers, but I can't do it all day. He's better if he's been running around outside, but the weather has been pretty awful so we've not been out as much as I'd like.

I will certainly try a pillow fight with him, will get dd involved too, I think she'd like that. He tries to play fight with her quite often and he loves it when she tries to pick him up and move him.

Berri, I totally understand, I'm sorry you didn't get out, sucks being stuck in. This morning DS bit me really hard on the back, it's hard not to get frustrated with him.