Emotional 7 Year Old and swimming lessons

[rickymummy]

I have a fairly highly strung 7 year old boy. High achieving at school, mature in many ways, but hates change and struggles to deal with failure.

School is fine, as he loves it, and throws himself into every lesson, sport, club etc, just so long as they are at school and not out of school clubs.

Swimming, however, is just getting to be a complete nightmare.

He started lessons at 5 and a half, as he was super confident in the water and loved going swimming, but he refused point blank to have lessons before. Then, he suddenly decided that he wanted to learn properly, and has been going once a week ever since.

Every week is the same, he moans all the way there, sometimes cries, holds right back at the start of the lesson, but then gets into it and comes out saying it was "good".

He is actually getting to be quite a good swimmer, and is working through the groups, loves the badges etc, but it is just the weekly sobbing, moaning etc when we go.

This week, he got out ten mins before the end, saying he had tummy ache, but when we got home, he was fine, ate tea etc.

His little brother is also having lessons, laughing every second, chatting to the teacher. It is just heartbreaking taking the eldest every week, practically against his will.

Any suggestions? He says he doesn't want to stop, but I don't know if he is just trying to say the right thing, as he tends to do that. He just says he hates being the bottom of the class, but of course, everytime he reaches the top, he gets moved up a group and starts back at the bottom again.

I'm just worn out with it...

Wow, i can totally relate to your story. I have a 7 year old daughter and we used tohave crying some weeks throughout the lesson.

Do you go to swimming at other times, when it is not a lesson? I did that with my daughter and i think it helped her.

If your wee one doesn't have fear of the water then maybe its pressure he is feeling (esp if there are lots of kids in the class) you should stop for a while and go back to it after the summer?

It is horrible coming out of the swimming pool and seeing your child upset and my stomach churns remembering it. Just take the decision out of his hands. Say you are stopping taking him to the pool but maybe not because of anything he is doing, but say that as he is not using up all the time allocated to lessons that another child might be able to use his space??

Hope this helps. I have the problem now that my daughters swimming teacher is an ogre!!!

I don't know if you could afford it, but could you consider one to one lessons?

Even if you only had the equivalent 'value' of lessons (eg one every 3 weeks or something) it might work much better for your ds and be less stressful, as the teacher would work exactly to his level.

DD has had some one to one lessons, and they've made an enormous difference, I think she improves as much with say 2 x one to one lessons as with a whole half term in group lessons (we do go swimming as a family weekly as well, to be fair, which gives her a chance to practice).

I understand your problem. I have just decided to stop lessons with my 6 year old dd. She never looks forward to going. Yesterday she had a full-on tantrum from when she was picked up from school to after the end of the lesson. She sobbed quietly all the way through. Normally she is not that bad, but the friend that she normally goes with wasn't there which made everything worse. She's been progressing well with swimming but I have decided to knock the lessons on the head and take her swimming myself - to keep up the momentum, but make it all a bit more fun. We may add in some more lessons at some pint in the future.

Thanks everyone. It seems such a stupid thing to stress about, but it just gets to me.

We do swim, just for fun, once a week, and he usually loves that. It's not the swimming he has a problem with, just the lessons. Thing is, he is making notable progress in the lessons - learning strokes etc.

I've had a look around, and i think I've found a smaller class (lot more expensive!) so I'm going to ring them and have a chat. Then I'll have a chat with him and see what he thinks.

Have you asked him if he enjoys it and loves going? That would decide it for me.

I was like your ds, the whole changing/unpredictable showers and shampoo in the eyes/barked instructions/noise of the place made it quite scary really & although ok once there, was much happier in a less pressured social swimming where children like to challenge themselves anyway with regard to how far they can swim etc. Jmo, I'd drop the lessons as he goes swimming with you anyway. When he's older and more able to process and rationalise his worries & fears then would be the time to pick them up again if he/you felt there was need.

I take your point, Kangaroo. I'll be completely honest - I'm worried that he is going to end up like me!

As a child, I was very nervous and shy, and it took a long time to even half way beat this. I have always tried to instil confidence in my boys, without them hopefully noticing what I am worried about.

The youngest has it naturally. Joins in everything, and gets a huge amount of enjoyment from everything he does.

With my eldest, it is like walking a tightrope sometimes. As a toddler he was scared of shops, parties, men, dogs, anything different at nursery.

Now, he is fantastic at school, and joins in everything, including the sportsclubs before and after school, choir etc. Anything else outside school, he just won't entertain.

Fine in most cases - I'm not fussed about Scouts, piano lessons etc can wait, but I have just pressed the swimming, because I don't want him to be the only one of his friends who can't swim, and I simply got to the point where I couldn't teach him anymore.

He is bright, and I think he understands this. My worry is, if I drop the lessons, part of him will be relieved, but part of him with be completely gutted, because he will see it as having "failed".

I have spoken to him about it in the last few weeks, without making it into a big deal, and he says he wants to carry on. He basically wants to reach the top group and then quit.

I can't believe I'm even stressing about it, but I am!

Well, have just raised the subject of swimming lessons with DS - immediate reaction! I can't possibly change or stop his lessons, because his "Goal" he has set himself at school this year is to complete Stage 5 swimming at his lessons. Apparently it's been written on a star chart in his classroom, and his teacher is following his progress...

Sometimes, I just can't keep up with his brain.

rickymummy your posts struck a chord with me currently struggling over swimming with a highly strung, sensitive 6 yo DS. At least yours is making lots of progress, mine is still in bottom group and moans about going every lesson. My DS was scared of lots of things too, toilets, going to nursery, dogs, even 'In the night garden' when he was 3! But now he's also flourishing at school. He likes the structure and order of the school day I think and the predictability. His sister who's 4 just doesn't struggle with new things to the same degree, was happy to start nursery, never moans about going and trots in happily every week to her swimming lesson. The contrast makes it more difficult to see how DS struggles with certain things like swimming.