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Original poster

swimming lesson nightmare wwyd?

16 replies

kittywise · 02/02/2011 13:31

My 3 year old ds, youngest of many, has always disliked water, even as a baby.
He is now having swimming lessons with me in the water, holding/supporting him all the time. We are in a class specially designed for slightly older children who are fearful of the water.
We have been going for a term now and things aren't really much better. He is pretty much as fearful as ever.I know he hates the lessons.
Everyday when he is picked up from pre school he asks whether he has to go to swimming today and is visibly relieved when I say no.
When we are there he whimpers/cries most of the time.
BUT he is absolutely fine when in the baby pool in his depth.
None of my other children have hated swimming so I don't know what to do. They were all swimming confidently by the time they started reception.
I worry that I am traumatising him even more by persisting but also worry that it is part of my 'duty' to help him swim.
is such a bloody miserable hassle going week in week out knowing that he will cry and beg me not to make him go.
I smile and am upbeat all through the lesson and heap loads of praise on him.
The swimming teacher says we will get there in the end but that most parents of children like him give upSad

I just don't know what to do, thoughts please!

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KnowNothing · 02/02/2011 13:35

I would stop the lessons, whats the point? Carry on with going in the baby pool in his depth (if you are going swimming as a family or whenever). He is 3, it doesn't matter if he can swim or not.

My DC and 4 and 6 and neither has learnt to swim yet. Its not like they are ever unattended at this age when water is involved.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 02/02/2011 13:35

I would stop with the lessons. I would take him as often as possible to the pool he does like, at some stage, when the pressure is off he will want to go into the bigger pool.

He is scared - what is the point? If he falls into the water somewhere that someone can't just fish him out, he will be too scared to swim anyway?

I understand your confusion/frustration, but I think you are making his life hell over something that really isn't important.

Lots of children learn to swim when they are around 6, they pick it up quickly. He doesn't need to be able to swim at 3.

Give him and you a break - stop going.

lia66 · 02/02/2011 13:39

stop for now and go back to just getting into the water within his comfort zone with you and enjoy the play time.

Plenty of time for structured lessons in a few months maybe.

Original poster
kittywise · 02/02/2011 13:40

Thank you knownothing and chipping, I think you are right. I just remembered that part of my reasoning was I could get it done before he started school and I had to join in after school swimming lesson hell.
Now I feel sad hat I have put him through as much as I have.Sad

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donnie · 02/02/2011 13:42

I agree. If you stop forcing him he will get to enjoy the water and then want to do it for himself later on.

exexpat · 02/02/2011 13:42

I'd stop too, then reintroduce him to water somewhere fun, like when you are on holiday, and he can take things at his own pace - and possibly more importantly, see his siblings/other children enjoying themselves rather than being in a class of anxious non-swimmers.

At the moment he must just associate swimming pools with being miserable. He doesn't need to learn to swim at 3.

BornToFolk · 02/02/2011 13:47

I agree with previous posters, and especially with exexpat's point about being in a class with other anxious swimmers. Kids that age really pay attention to what others are doing and how they feel about it. If all the other kids are acting scared too, that's going to have an effect on your DS. It's no wonder lots of parents give up!

If you really wanted to carry on, I'd suggest finding a coach who will do one-on-one lessons. But if I were in your position, I'd give up with lessons, and just do swimming for fun for a while.

Original poster
kittywise · 02/02/2011 13:49

I'll stop then.
borntofolk, we tried one to one, before lessons, with a brilliant teacher. He screamed all the way through those tooSad

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Catilla · 02/02/2011 13:53

I agree with others about stopping and turning pool visits into fun playtime.

I have a question though - from your description it sounds like the lessons are in deep water... what's meant to be the purpose of that at this age?

My two (6 & 3) both do lessons and even DS is still in the baby pool, well within his depth, while he continues to build his strength, technique and more confidence. They love coming in the 'big pool' with us when we go as a family, but it looks like they don't go up to the adult pool for lessons until about 7+ and then only if they are confident & swimming. Who'd be encouraged to try hard and be confident if they couldn't touch the bottom?

Original poster
kittywise · 02/02/2011 14:03

catilla you are right, it is in the flume pool. I suppose the idea is that they learn to swim better if they can't actually touch the bottom. I do think that's true.
When my eldest three were leaning we went to a private club ( had some spare money then!) and the pools there had no shallow or deep end. It was all one depth. They learnt quickly because they could not bounce along the bottom instead of actually swimming iyswim?
It works well for many children who are not nervous.
Dc 4 and 5 are learning in a main pool but within their depth and they are taking much longer because they are always putting their feet on the bottom instead of swimming! Along with all the other children!

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Al1son · 02/02/2011 14:23

He's never going to learn to swim when he's anxious so taking him to these lessons is pointless. There's a good reason why most parents give up.

He will be spending the whole lesson worrying that you are going to let go of him. The more pressure (however gentle and smiley) is put on him the more scared he is going to be.

You have a really big advantage over many other parents in that he's happy in the baby pool where he feels secure. Use that to its full advantage. Take him there lots and let him play and have fun. Don't ask him to do anything which approaches swimming for months at least. Just make it fun so he forgets to associate swimming with anxiety.

When he's totally relaxed and you can see him start to experiment be very impressed with whatever he's doing. Use reverse psychology and bet him that he can't float/put his face in/ go under water....whatever seems appropriate. If he does it make a big fuss and be amazed. If he doesn't manage it that's fine.

Don't take him into pools where he's out of his depth if possible. If you can't avoid it for any reason hold him tight against you all the time and don't try to get him to do anything.

If you go slowly and gently enough you will eventually have a child who realises that he can float on top of the water and that if he goes under he will come up again. That's the time to start swimming lessons with someone who is very good at praising progress without pushing.

It's going to take the patience of a saint but you can't make a child learn when he is frightened. He has to feel safe first.

HTH

Original poster
kittywise · 02/02/2011 17:17

Al1son, that makes so much sense, thank you. There are quite a few competitive swimming parents round here and a strange sort of notion that if your child isn't confidently out of their depth and " swimming' by say 3-4 then they are 'slow'.
It's a great relief that I don't have to go tomorrow, for both of us{smile}
Thank you everyone for the support. So glad there was no one suggesting I should push on throughWink

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Al1son · 02/02/2011 22:01

Enjoy your play swims Grin

Acinonyx · 03/02/2011 08:44

Dd likes going 'swimming' with dh but WILL NOT do lessons (we've tried Hmm). She's now going on 6 so we are going to look into one-on-one lessons for her that might allow dh to stand in the water near her, at least at first.

kitty - we've also found dd was more confident when she went to a pool where she couldn't touch the bottom. Other parents have told me the same about dc.

Al1son · 03/02/2011 09:16

Acinonyx send your DH off to learn to be a swimming teacher!

Original poster
kittywise · 03/02/2011 09:27

Acionyx, my 2nd dd(7) would not do lessons at all. We tried privately for a while at great expense but she simply refused to do anything the teacher asked!! So I stopped them and at 7 she suddenly asked to do group lessons which she now enjoys. She's just that kind of kid, wants to do it in her own time and nothing on this earth can persuade her otherwise.
She refused to try and learn to ride a bike so again I gave up. Then at 5 she just got on one of the bikes here one day and rode off no practising at all!! Sometimes I think it's better to wait until they are ready and they are all ready at different ages.

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