Email about my 3 yo's behaviour- WWYD?

[socialskills]

I've just had an email from my DSs swimming school telling me that during last week's lesson he spat in the teacher's face. He is 3.

Me and DP were sitting right by the pool but didn't see the incident- only heard the teacher say "that wasn't very nice". We both looked over expecting the teacher to then tell us what had happened, but she didn't, so we assumed it was something minor. She said nothing when we got DS out of the water, and nothing in the changing room.

The email asks me to explain to DS that this is not acceptable behaviour, which I agree with. BUT had we been told at the time we could have removed him from the pool sharpish and told him off there and then. 4 days later isn't much good.

I've asked him about it today and he said he didn't spit, he sneezed. Obviously the teacher saw it as spitting so it must have been more than a sneeze but after the event I don't know what else I can do.

We have had a previous run-in with the school itself because their communication to parents is always email after the event, instead of dealing with things there and then (not my DS that time).

Would you respond to this email or leave it? Should I just apologise or make a point about it not being d/w at the time? I don't want to make it worse but I don't feel they've handled it very well.

I don't think you can communicate effectively by email about most non work related things, let alone something as sensitive and emotional as this. I'm amazed that anyone dealing with a 3 year old thinks that an email after the event could be in any way helpful, for you or your child! They sound a bit odd tbh.

I would talk to them face to face, explain your child said he only sneezed, and also tell them exactly what you've said here - that an email after the event is pretty useless in being able to address the issue. I would ask that on future they tell you of any problems straight away so you can nip them in the bud. But I wouldn't apologise.

They can't ask you to discipline your 3 year old days after an event. He probably won't even remember! You need to be told immediately.

They didn't handle it all well. They should have told you in person, at the time, so that you could discipline DS there and then. Sending you an e-mail foru days later is really unhelpful.

I wouldn't e-mail - I'd speak to them at the next class, and make it clear that this form of communication is not constructive, especially when it takes four days for it to arrive. And explain that DS said that he sneezed, rather than spat. I wouldn't fancy feel like apologising in your position, either.

Thanks all. I wondered if my judgement was clouded by the previous emails I'd complained about. I will speak to the teacher this week.

Thanks again.

Yes, I would talk to them re 3 year olds needing to be disciplined then and there or not at all! They seem a bit lacking in basics on little ones. Still, if it's a good swimming place I guess it doesn't matter, but better you educate them

Sorry, but I have a problem with school expecting parents to discipline children when the behaviour happens at school. I don't go into school in the morning and ask the teacher to make my Ds miss playtime because he wouldn't get dressed or brush his teeth, so why should they expect you to tell him off for this?

You are right- the teacher should have had the guts to deal with it there and then-if she honestly thought your DS had spat at her, she should have told him it was unacceptable and made him miss 3 minutes of the lesson, or get out and get dressed, or whatever.

Having said which, what had the teacher done to make her think your DS had spat at her? As a teacher, I'd be looking at my own actions if my pupils had so little respect for me they had to resort to spitting!