DS is only 5 but says he hates school. Worried about him.

[OopsDoneItAgain]

He started reception last September and settled in ok. Like most of his class he was shattered by Christmas but went back ok. The last few weeks tho he has been pale and tearful every morning, and pretty close to the edge generally. Each day he doesnt want to go to school, saying he feels poorly(his tummy he says), that he hates school because the toys are rubbish and he ends up 'hanging around' not knowing what to do and getting bored.

The issue may be emotional since he has brief bursts of perking up at home (tho doesnt last long - he seems generally unhappy.) But I really dont know what to say or do. I find it hard to believe he really is bored by school at his age??

Any thoughts/ideas would be very much appreciated.

Ignore his choice of words. He's phrasing it like that because he gets a reaction from you. Talk to him about school as much as you can until you find out what's bothering him. It's probably very minor.

We do talk, but he doesnt change what he says - always comes back to being bored

Don't ask him what's wrong, get him to talk about the routine at school, the things he does. The problem, whatever it is, will out in the end. They all say they're bored, you know!

Might be worth having a quick chat with the form teacher to see if anything has changed this term or if she has noticed any changes in him or the friendship groups or if he is hanging around more by himself or if their activities/lessons have changed.

she/he'll then be able to keep an eye on him and see if he needs a bit of extra help getting him started on activities or playing with friends etc.

find out from your ds if there is one thing that he would like to do that he wouldn't think is boring and use that when you talk to the teacher to see if they could use that as a bit of a carrot to encourage him to do other stuff too.

I'm sure the reception class teachers get lots of this sort of thing and are used to helping sort it out!

Ah, boo.

I would certainly make an appointment to chat to the teacher- if you make an appointment then you will have more time rather than at pick up when it will be rushed.

Sounds like he isn't happy but difficult to know what's causing it- how is the teacher- does he get on well with her, does he have friends?

Perhaps he's getting very tired from school? Boredom- maybe he needs a bit more direction/encouragement? A little bit of tweaking might go a long way? Maybe a multi-pronged approach- talk to teacher, encourage him to find his own things to play with, do the odd play-date to help with friends etc etc.

Did he go to a nursery? Did he do many hours?

My daughter went through exactly the same, initially enthusiastic but half way through the second term, she started disliking it, and moaned about pretty similar things, rubbish toys compared with nursery, boring, lots of sitting on the carpet, and so on. After she made a run for it one morning, I went to see the headteacher and she was very reassuring and said this is very common, children are initially excited about Big School but at some point the reality hits home that there is more structure and less play even in play-based reception classes than in nurseries or playgroups. This chat gave me the confidence to be much more brisk with my daughter in the morning, I certainly listened to her woes for an hour or two a couple of times, but once she'd moaned it all out, we just went to school every day and I tried to distract her and so on. It only partially worked and she would be quite clingy.

In the end, I explained that she had to go to school, it was required of us, and even if she didn't really like it she did have to go but that was good, as she would learn lots of brilliant things like how to read really good books, and about science and so on (you can imagine). I also told her that if she went in nicely without moaning, I would come into the classroom and look at one thing, but if she moaned and fussed, I would just leave her straight with the teacher. That worked very well, and the moaning/fussing about boring school decreased.

Obviously it's worth chatting with the teacher to rule out any major problems, bullying, not fitting in, work issues, but after that I think a slightly more matter of fact approach tends to work well.

Sorry I haven't been back to this - thanks for all the extra replies since I did!

To answer questions - yes plenty of pre-school before, loved it htere. His teacher is lovely and has a soft spot for him so no issue in terms of their relationships. He has made friends too.

I have spoken to teacher now, she knows him pretty well and is aware that he is a worrier and a perfectionist. I suspect she may have had a good old pep talk with him since he came out happier yesterday. Onetoomany - your message could have been written by me in every detail!
And probably yes, the more we fuss the worse he is.

Just need to go with it and not indulge the tears too much I guess.

Thanks all.