How do I get my DD to listen?

[KiwiJo]

I have a 4 year old DD1 and an 18-month old DD2. DD1 has never listened or co-operated, from a very young age - when it is time to put on coats and shoes I inevitably end up shouting after having asked nicely at least 3 times (often more like 6 times) with no response. I ask DD2 twice at most and she gets on with it (with help). DD2 will even go and get DD1's coat for her which DD1 then ignores. How do I get DD1 to listen and react when I ask her to get ready? This is a daily battle and I want to stop shouting as I know it is counterproductive. I have just ordered 'How to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk'. Does anyone have any immediate advice?

You will probably find the book helpful. My DD is 4 too so you have my sympathies!

I would say get down to their level (i.e on your knees), make eye contact and sometimes I even ask her to repeat what I have just said.

We're getting there..

Sometimes I have to physically stop DC, get down to their level and check they've heard what I've said. I'm sure half the time, my instructions are just white noise to them.

I do get down to her level and I do ask her to repeat what I've said. On a good day that is enough to get her to click into helpful behaviour and we're off. On other days (like this morning) she just then carries on whatever she's doing even though we are going somewhere for her benefit.

I explain it all, check she has understood, then find myself getting so frustrated at her complete lack of cooperation.

We have had her hearing tested (perfect) and she is very smart, so has no excuses.

I look forward to reading the book!