My darling daughter has just turned 11 yrs. I have been 'warned' re here changing from the sweet angel she is.....

[Pan]

into some seething monster in years to come.

Briefly, what can I expect? She really is the most sweet natured person you could wish to meet. ( I know where she gets it from...)

So. Pointers please, and how do I best respond? She isn't into boys at all, and has 4-5 'bestest' girlfriends.

Worst case scenarios? Strops.

What were you like at that age? Can remember my own mum asking why I always seemed to have a long face after a perfect day out. Wasn't aware I was doing it. DD1 was just the same.

The early-teen phase can be quite comical - the heavy make up, equally heavy jewellery, and enough scent/after shave for a night out that would do them for a whole year.

Most important lesson for a parent is this, you really must learn to turn down the corners of your mouth lest you smile. Or worse, come out with the age old 'You're not going out dressed like that?' Otherwise, its cue fireworks!

Just remember - It isn't a forever thing, though sometimes feels like it from a parent's point of view.

PS you may be one of the lucky ones whose kid goes through the growing up phase with no fussing whatsoever. It does happen.

Best wishes.

Well , I didn't strop as I was a boy......

I am just not seeing how this cherub will be a monster. Changes I am anticipating, and if they become heavy ones then how do I react? I have no memory of being an early teenage girl! Friends of mine now have older childen, and just say 'oh it'll be fine' but I wish to be prepared.....

so. Stroppyness - do I get all heavy or just let it go?

and what are the things I am not anticipating??

It's fine, tbh, unless you're very unlucky. Things that help:

1. Talk to her (not at her). As much as you can. Take time to listen, find out what's going on, who her friends are, what she likes and doesn't like about them, what she cares about and worries about. Be unshockable, send out signals that you're happy to discuss absolutely anything. Knowledge is power. If she knows you care and will listen, then if something is actually going wrong you're in with a fighting chance of hearing about it before it all goes seriously tits up.

1. Make it clear that you will always listen and try to take on board her opinion as long as she takes the trouble to try and present her case calmly and rationally. She needs to know that shouting, door-slamming, huffing and shrieking is not the way to get what she wants, but that taking a deep breath and explaining her POV calmly just might do the trick.

1. Make sure she understands that the niceness of her life (in terms of availability of treats, money, phone credit, new clothes, gig tickets, lifts to friends houses, permission for sleepovers etc etc) is directly correlated with her efforts to be pleasant, helpful, reasonable and hardworking. Conversely she needs to know that pissing her mother off is likely to result in a severe curtailment of her quality of life.

1. Be reasonable and keep a sense of perspective. You may not want her to get a second or third hole pierced in her earlobe. You may not like her choice of clothes or the state of her bedroom. By all means point this out, but don't throw all your toys out of the pram too early. Keep the nuclear option for the things that really matter, like drugs, alcohol, unsafe sex. If she can see you making the effort to distinguish between stuff you don't really like but can tolerate and things that are really not okay, then hopefully she'll learn to make that distinction too.

1. Laugh a lot, as much as you can. At yourself, when necessary. Admit if you've made a mistake or contradicted yourself. Take every opportunity you can to spend time doing things you both enjoy. Take time to develop and appreciate the new relationship you'll have. Teenagers really like being taken seriously (who doesn't)?

Have fun.

ah..that's the tricky bit BTP! She never strops, so it will be new territory. But yes boundaries are goodat the mo. I just don't wish t obe driven into 'strict dad' rubbish...

poly - am going to prob. cut n'paste all of that into a word doc. and keep it with me forthe next few years.

btw, she can piss her mother off all she wishes, just not me..

not really. We live separatly, though she stays with me a lot of the time. It's always been like this and she is fine with it.

Ime people are all different. I was a lot calmer as a teen than I was as a young child; dd has also got a lot calmer and quieter since entering her teens (but shall we say that were was scope for improvement in that quarter )

Ds otoh seems to be going through adolescence aged 10, having been the sweetest and most compliant child you could imagine throughout his early years.