Opinions please on my toddler's speech and social development

[rattling]

Triggered by my mum going on at me today I am here to gather opinions about whether my son is developing "normally".

She has 3 grandchildren (2 are my twin boys) about the same age and is involved in competitive grandparenting with her friends (these are where her comparisons come from). She also tends towards over-dramatising and is quick to fear the worst - but she adores my boys and looks after them a day a week so I do appreciate her opinions.

My boys are 20 months old and DT1 has had a few words for a month or 2, but has now moved up to picking up new words every day. More noticeably he is interested in speech and tries to talk to you even when he doesn't have the words.

DT2 doesn't speak. He did say mama and nana which we thought might have been words rather than babble in the past, but seems to have stopped. He does babble - in a singsong way, but to himself not to us. He loves to play by himself, can get very engrossed in putting things into boxes, builds towers of duplo, drives cars around, but isn't very interested in what other children are up to.

He loves books, has favourites which he brings over to be read, points out things on request and can carry out fairly complicated instructions (eg. go get the ball from your bedroom - it's under the bed).

But compared to his brother he is quiet and less interested in feedback from us (parents and GPs).

I'm really not sure I'm making the case for both sides as clearly as I mean to. I think my boys are just very different (and they each have taken a personality from each parent - I am DT2 so perhaps a bit defensive ), but my mum worries he isn't interacting with the world.

My point, eventually, is to ask 2 questions-

1. Does this sound normal?
2. If not (or possibly not) normal, should I be trying to get him checked out now or wait for their 2 year check up to raise any issues still around then?

Could your DT2 not be speaking because DT1 is doing it for him?

They do say that about different aged siblings don't they?

He sounds fine to me IMHO. My son has mild CP and did not say a word until he was 24 months. He is now nearly 4 and although his speech is not always clear he is a great talker.

They do just sound like different personalities.

In my experience GPs and health visitors are rubbish at picking up on anything. I actually took my son with real things they could have picked up on and they reassured me that everything was fine for months.

They sound fine and doing well . I had early talkers in both of mine, some friends children were much later but they all caught up by 3ish All milestones develop differently. My ds walked by a year but dd was nearly 16 months. A friends child was 18 mths Walking and now at five she has been picked for extra gymnastics training she is so good so it means nothing. They all get there when they are ready. Don't worry gps like to brag about gcs. They can be worse than mothers!!

They sound great to me. I would wait until their 2 year check and you probably won't have any concerns to raise by then!

I am thinking of some adult twins I know - one is really outgoing and talkative and the other is a lot quieter. So I agree with you they probably have different personalities, which might be less apparent if they weren't the same age.

DT2 is interacting with the world, just in a different way to DT1.

I think I'd watch and wait - and try not to worry (ha!) - he certainly sounds within the normal range (in my limited knowledge!). Twins do develop differently because they have such a different experience to other children. My DTs both walked pretty late and talked fairly early. DTD talked much earlier and much better than DTS for a while (he's completely caught up with her now at 2.4) and he wouldn't get a look in because she was always chatting away.
Also, six months ago DTD was very much the sociable and confident one, striving to do big girl things and DTS was the one not interested in other kids and wanting to be around me. Now they've completely switched around and he's very outgoing and independent.
I think, as you are concerned, telling yourself you've got the 2 year check in mind to raise it if you want to sounds like a good idea, but sounds like he'll just do it in his own time.

If your mum hadn't raised it, would you be worried? I think parents should go with 'gut' instinct and are generally right. If you are concerned, seek advise. If not, I wouldn't worry.

Thanks for all the replies. I had been a little concerned about the lack of speech - the other issues I've not considered till my mum raised them.

I do think he is fine, just a different personality, but I have become aware that I don't hold eye contact with him for very long (as I am constantly checking where his brother is - though that works both ways) and his louder brother does demand my time more forceably. DH has been working flat out since mid December so we've rarely both been here for the boys together, that should improve now and I'm going to make an effort for some one-to-one time with both my sons.

So thank you for all the reassurance. I may still carry about a little niggle of worry, but I'll push it to the back of my mind for the next few months.