Eating Problems - 3yr old

[GeordieBird1972]

Hi all. This is the first time I've posted on here and I'm at the end of my tether!! My DD refuses to eat at home and I've run out of ideas. She has been at nursery since she was 6mths and is now at pre-school 3 days a week. She has always eaten everything at nursery, even food I wouldnt dream of trying at home. Things were always quite bad and meals times were often a battle of coaxing and bribery. I had another baby at Christmas and since then things have gone into overload. I know its probably attention seeking and I've been aware to try and keep meals times baby free. I've tried ignoring her when she refuses to eat, praising her when she does, tried getting her involved in cooking (which by the way she loves), and stopping any snacks in between meals but she still doesnt eat enough to keep a sparrow alive. The one comfort I have is that she eats while at pre-school so I know she is at least getting food 3 days a week. I'm so worried that I'm going to fall into the same trap my parents did, I was never the best eater and every meal time was a battle which usually ended in tears so I'm so conscious that I'm always giving in when she says she's full.
Please please please, if you have any advice at all I would be truely grateful.

Not an expert by any means but have similar problem with my DS1.

Advice we've been given is

1. Keep going with 3 meals a day and 2 snacks
2. Try to get them to eat (something) at 2 / 3 hr intervals during the day (i.e. snacks should be halfway between meals)
3. Make snacks nutritious where possible (even toast with nutella or peanut butter is good)
4. Try not to give snacks just before mealtime
5. Make mealtimes enjoyable (v. important) and make sure that they're not eating alone (if possible)
6. Make sure that they are given something at each meal that they will definitely eat (doesn't matter if they eat the same things very regularly)
7. At each meal offer a small amount of something new (but in a separate bowl or plate) - may take days / months / years before they try it
8. Lots of praise and positive comments about the food at mealtimes
9. Sugary foods are ok but try to limit to 3 times per day and best with meals

10. Offer water throughout the day (should be drinking 6 small cups per day 11. Can encourage to eat more but don't force the issue 12. Always offer two courses and don't offer the second course as a reward

Another thing that helps (you realise its not as bad as you think) is to make a food diary over 5 days and then analyse a couple of days into the main food groups to see where there are gaps.

I thought our DS1's diet was atrocious (he is VERY fussy) but now I realise that he is getting most things and it doesn't matter if he eats the same things repetitively but more than he gets something from all the food groups every day.

I think the main part is to make it FUN (do not force feed or drag out the length of meals unnecessarily so that they will eat more food than they want / need).

HTH - I completely understand how stressful and upsetting this is, but rest assured its something in-built and not caused by anything that you have done.

Brilliant advice PTA... My DS has been the same - we tried everything but in the end (he's 3.5) have stuck to offering what we eat when we eat and praise when he tries things and nutrious snacks between. He has only just (since xmas) started eating what I consider a decent amount. Bribery didn't work but just offering a teaspoon of food did and major song and dance when he finished that.

We had new baby in oct and it has been useful to have 'our' meal time together and discuss how baby can't have pasta etc... but we can!!

does she eat when friends come over? mine always twice as much when there's an element of competition!

My kids eat their meals much better when they have no snacks. Or if they do have snacks, it's just fruit, such as a few grapes or a satsuma rather than cake or something bread-y.

I do think that some kids of this age just have a tiny appetite and it's easy for them toarrive at the dinner table not particularly hungry.

For the same reason I'd keep portion sizes tiny, say, about 6 bits of pasta, 2 each of a couple of types of veg, and half a sausage, something like that. They can always ask for more, but a big plateful can be really offputting.

She will eat fruit which is one pleasing thing, and raw vegetables, and I do whenever we can try and get us to eat together. I have a step son who is 11, who is absolutely brilliant with her. She adores him and hangs on his every word, and we try the whole "competetive" and encouragement thing at meal times when he is with us.

PTA - I will definitely try some of those ideas. Thank you

One thing that really shocked me today was when we went to the zoo, we went to the cafe for lunch and I decided not to take a packed lunch so she could choose from the kids section. She chose her 5 items, tole me she was staring, then picked all the ham out of the sandwich, leaving the bread, and drank the juice and left everything else. Then demanded the ice lolly. I dont know if it was the right thing to do but I said she couldnt have it until she had finished her sandwich, to which she threw herself on the floor screaming and telling me how hungry she was and that she needed the lolly. Her tactics after that were to crawl on the floor under the table to try and grab the bag from me, then screamed that she needed to leave as she was desperate for the loo. Suffice to say it wasnt the most relaxing of meal times and completely in public!!

I told her quite clamly that she had some lovely food that she really liked and if she didn't eat it she would have to wait until tea time, to which her reply was a sulk but she was defiant and gave up on demnading the lolly.

I know that kids won't starve themselves and this is probably more of an independence battle but I think she has probably picked up on my insecurities over mealtimes and sees it as a game she can win......

Poor you!! What a day too. Large glass of wine for you I think!

Firstly, 3 year olds are something else! They can be so horrid! Totally normal your afternoon I bet, ask many mums of 3 year olds, myself included.

Secondly, you can't make her eat. You can be totally non plus about it. Serve up, ignore and don't make any fuss.

She will not starve. She is programmed not to. At this age its very normal to eat tiny amounts as their weight gain tails off at this age.

Our DS had serious eating issues and has seen loads of professionals. One message from all of them - don't make it an issue. He is still a nightmare, but he isn't underweight and one day will eat a family meal without fuss (fingers crossed!).

Thank you so much for all your advice, I think I need to keep going with ignoring and see what happens..

and oh YES to the large glass of wine!!

xx