Table manners and toddlers

[ronx]

I've got a son who is 3 in March. He is a lovely boy but his table manners are appalling and DH and I know that they need sorting out sooner rather than later.

How long would you expect a toddler of this age to sit and eat nicely at a table? We're not expecting him to sit through a 3-course meal in a restaurant, but it would be nice to be able to go out to lunch with him once in a while!

Any tips and advice much appreciated.

I would expect my 3 year old to sit through a 3 course meal in a restaurant.

From the age of 1 , all my children have to sit and wait until all 5 other kids has finished eating. ( unless someone is taking particularly LONG) It usually takes 35 mins for all 6 kids to finish eating, and if the 16 month old has finished in 10 mins, he is allowed a toy at the table while he waits, but everyone else ( 3 year old included) isn't allowed toys, but they are allowed to talk, and I sit with them and we all chat. As they have been used to this since they were babies- they think nothing of it and enjoy the converstaion time.

Depends on the child.

No golden rule - at 3 my DS1 would sit for maybe 15 mins max. Then freak out. At 3 DD could sit for 24 hours.

I have seen tables become battlefields in some households. Full of intensity - whether its children who won't eat food or children that seem unable to sit down for long. I hate it.

I do understand that if you have lots of children the rules probably have to be tougher.

However, with just one or two children you could be more flexible. Really just do what you want as a family.

Flash forward, my 8 year old son has lovely manners. He always thanks the cook, waits for others to finish, clears the table. Eats anything. So much so that people always comment. For a restless 3 year old boy - I reckon he started to be able to sit for longer and have better manners around 5 and thats when I started to make it more of an issue. I think he was too immature and restless at 3.

This is an interesting thread. My DS, 3 in feb, has terrible table manners. Blows bubbles through the straw in his drink, plays with his food if I let him, very fidgety and restless, prefers to eat with his fingers etc. I am trying to tackle it but don't want to make a huge issue of it because while it is undesireable he's not really hurting anybody.

I am really interested to see what other's toddlers are like because I know my mum and sister are very dissapproving and makes cat's bum faces at us.

Wow, I think a lot of you have high expectations of yourselves and your DCs. Playing with food is a natural and developmentally normal thing for a 2yo to do. It's how they learn.

Although I agree with Containher that it is important to sit up as a family and enjoy the social side of eating a meal together, I think they're all different. If you're 2yos not ready to sit up for too long at a time then I wouldn't stress. It'll have the opposite effect in the long run and give them an issue with meal times and food. Take them out to cafes but avoin fancy resteraunts if it stresses you out.

I have a 3 and 5 and they have OK table manners now but only in the last 6 months they have settled down. Before that it wass difficult they would be easily distracted and fussy with their food. I am easy with them really but they can't get up until we are all finished - unless it's a very long family meal with friends and familly then I make sure I have something for them to do afterwards (coloring or looking at books).

Whenever we go to a restaurant I make sure that I have 1- bread sticks (if the meal takes ages to come they can have the breadsticks as a 'starter'!) 2- coloring paper and crayons or activity book.

I know that in other families it's different, but I wouldn't expect 'table manners' in a 2 year old, or even a 3 year old. Having said that, if it's food they really like and they know they'll get a cake at the end, they eat perfectly well!

I would also say your expectations are high. Good table manners happen gradually not overnight. Your ds is still v young and if he can sit for a short while he's doing ok! Our youngest dd is nearly 4 and her table manners are not good. Of course I do everything to encourage her but because my older two are 9 and 8.5 and I have a bit of experience behind me, I don't worry too much about dd3. I know she'll get better in time.

We go out fairly regularly to eat as a family and she's just about ok but we tend to go to family friendly places that normally have colouring and the like for children. I'm not a huge fan of colouring at the table but at the moment I'm picking my battles! And if it means she'll sit quietly and colour until the food comes then so be it.

I would try taking your ds out to lunch. He'll gradually learn by example. Take a couple of books with - you can read while waiting for the food. Try somewhere like Ask or Prezzo.

ronx,

what exactly is your son doing?

I have two DD's 5 and 2. I am satisfied with what they eat - no problems there.

My 2 yo can use a spoon, but tends to put her hand in the dish. I am gently encouraging her away from this. She can also use a fork, but is only just beginning.

She spills some food from her plate, and I make sure she has a bib to avoid her clothes getting stained.

My 5 yo to my mind has more significant problems. For example, she doesn't really use a knife yet, and often uses her hand instead, and I would be interested in what other people's 5 yo's can do. I am unsure whether her will simply go away in time, or whether they need active involvement. I have been cracking down on them, but frankly not to much effect. I am probably going to change my strategy to firm rules, clearly explained + sanctions, but no nagging at all and see if that sorts it out.

In answer to the OP, if I wanted a really nice lunch, I'd someone to babysit. Otherwise, I'd expect a bit of mess, take some toys, and try not to allow the meal to last too long. As you can imagine, I don't get out for a meal much but I am quite a decent cook, so that doesn't matter really.

Hey Toad, just a quicky to say that my nearly 5yo uses her hands lots. Can use a fork,getting better with a knife, (but a tricky skill IMO). The thing is, she's a pretty tactile person. So am I actually! I can happily eat a plate of fish/pizza/sausage and chips with my hands. But I have very good manners in a nice resteraunt! Also, I wouldn't eat stew and rice with my hands.

DD knows that it's "good manners" to eat with her cutlery but I do turn a blind eye at home because I know I can remind her to use cutlery when necessary. TBH I have lots of friends who have big problems with their DC's eating so am just pleased the dinner table is a nice happy place most of the time where people eat!

I personally think pretty laid back is the way forward when it comes to the dinner table.

Sorry about deserting the conversation - our boiler has broken down and we had family to stay over the weekend.

So we had a big family lunch on Sunday. If left to his own devices, my DS (3 next month) can manage 10 minutes at the dinner table; smear food on the mat; and run off and play. He can use a spoon and fork, though.

Regularly taking him out to lunch is a good idea, dancergirl.

We have a 3 and 5 year old. The thing that is driving us up the wall at the moment is the basically not eating or ages to eat. They do have good days- mostly the eldest. However, the getting off seat- the 3 year old- and running around gets a bit much. If we constantly put him back on his seat it gets very stressful. What startegies do you use if they really, clearly aren't interested? Do you deny desert - which is usually fruit- which they love? We are just about to try much smaller portions. Also, the eldest, if she doesn't eat properly- we know she won't starve- but she can really lose it later (tears and screaming due to sugar lows). Any advice will be listened to! I should add that, i don't think they are particularly fussy eaters- yes there are foods that they don't like but they generally eat healthy food - practically all veg, most fish, chicken most fruit. Dinner time isn't enjoyable at all at the moment. Thanks.