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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Imaginary Friend. Cute or Peculiar?

26 replies

CountessCatbertula · 10/10/2005 13:40

DD1 has what we call an imaginary friend. She gave him a weird name (titatty) made entirely up and based on nothing we can think of, has been around for about 3/4 of a year now. It is a boy. He has green hair. Apparently.

Sometimes she talks in "his" voice (lowers her own voice a tone or so when she does talk) and pretends to be him. So I say something like "Come here DD" and she says "I'm NOT [DD] I'm titatty" and I then have to talk to "him". Then he's the imaginary friend as a separate person who she chats to. Had to give him his own bowl at the lunch table today. He is mentioned at least once a day if not more.

It's kind of cute, but a bit weird too. Sometimes I find myself getting cross though, when she blames "him" for something she did that was naughty. Then I think about Drop Dead Fred!!!

So. When does imaginary friend stop being cute, and start being scary. I mean if a grown up person had one, it would be a definable physcological problem!!!!

Do lots of children have them? I really honestly thought they were made up for stories - never thought they "existed" (as it were...)

What does it mean when children have them?

And it's the one thing I have never seen discussed on MN before. Possibly I have just missed the conversation, but I AM an avid lurker

OP posts:

hoxtonchick · 10/10/2005 13:46

i think it's normal. ds (3.8) has one called duke, makes me laugh. there was an article in the guardian on saturday here which was about a similar situation (though i think more extreme than yours).

fruitful · 10/10/2005 13:47

Oh, I thought all children had them. Dd does. I did. Can't remember when I stopped though. Dd definitely knows her friend isn't real and I don't let her get away with blaming the friend for things. I would guess that the friend disappears sometime when the child gets old enough to be embarassed about him/her?

Hulababy · 10/10/2005 13:49

Not to the same extent, but DD has had 2 or 3 imaginery friends - she is 3y6m. The first one - whi is still around a bit now and then - os called Cotcha. We have two others called Bella and Isla. Cotchagets the blame for many things. She talks to them, and takes them out with her. But so far I haven't known her to talk for them.

Does DD acknowledge titatty as real or not?

I have talked to DD about Cotcha and she tells me in no uncertain terms that he is not real, just pretend. Think she thought I was the daft one for suggesting otherwise.

My uncle had a very "real" imaginery friend as a child. Can't remember the name, but he was very adament this friend came with them everywhere, people had to leave room on seats for him, etc. Eventually he was just forgotton about - quite sad really!

Lucycat · 10/10/2005 13:49

CD how old is your dd? my dd1 had one (actually 3!)that appeared when I was pregnant With dd2 and, gradually over about a year they vanished - mainly as she became more settled at preschool and we got fed up with them and would only talk to dd not them!

Original poster

CountessCatbertula · 10/10/2005 13:56

She's 3.3. I feel better for just knowing that she's not the only one out there...

I am not sure whether she thinks he is "real" real, or just pretend. Am going to go off and interrogate I think.

Love that "Cotcha" is just as odd a name as DDs!

So the kittenbert is not so bizarre... Thank goodness!

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 10/10/2005 13:56

My dd had an imaginary Edie McCredie for about 6 months when she was just about 3, she used to travel in the car with us, and dd would get very upset when we locked the doors and Edie was still in the car. It was never a very serious thing though.

My little sister, on the other hand, had an imaginary friend just like the one you describe. Her name was Grassie and she had green hair, too. She had to be strapped into the car and given her own plate at meal times, although no-one else ever spoke to her. My sister also tried to blame Grassie for things that she'd done wrong, although she was never allowed to get away with that one. She was around for over a year when my sister was around 5 or 6 but just disappeared one day.

As far as I know, it's very normal and very common to have an imaginary friend like this, it doesn't mean that you're going to be calling for psychiatric help anytime soon . The way my mother dealt with Grassie was to not make a big thing out of it, and only to do for her what my sister asked - she didn't lay the table automatically for her, for example, only when my sister asked her to - and she refused to allow my sister to blame Grassie for anything.

Blu · 10/10/2005 13:58

DS has an imaginary friend - an older adopted broher called Rupert whose own Mummy and Daddy threw him out on the street. He is often the reason why unpopular activities must be delayed or cannot possibly be undertaken, or why we 'have to' do other things. DS becomes quite incensed if I ignore Ruperts needs or don't speak to him when he is 'present'.

Last time I went away for a couple of days, DS 'went on holiday to Australia' and was replaced by another imaginary friend - PimPim, who's mummy threw him out of her little red car (just like mine!) and he had to 'sleep in the woods without even a blanket' until he came to stay at our house. When I got home, PimPim went on holiday and DS returned! But for the whole w/e DP and My Mum had to refer to him as PimPim, not DS.

Penelope Leach would have a field day!!

saadia · 10/10/2005 14:17

There's an interesting article in the latest issue of Junior which says that it's very healthy and beneficial for children to have imaginary friends, although an expert is quoted as saying that parents should be firm and not allow the "friend" to become a scapegoat - as WWB says.

But overall the conclusion is that children who have imaginary friends tend to do better socially and it might even be "sign of high intelligence and creativity".

CountessDracula · 10/10/2005 14:23

OMG

I just need to point out that this countess and I are not the same person!

Lucycat · 10/10/2005 14:24

she's not your imaginary friend is she?

WigWamBam · 10/10/2005 14:28

It's Catbert with her Hallowe'en name on, isn't it?

Original poster

CountessCatbertula · 10/10/2005 20:05

sorry - was out this afternoon...

Thanks saadia! That's nice to know must find a copy of the article!

CD - no need to be alarmed? I am just Catbert. I didn't really do what you might call any serious thinking to get my halloween name. It just came to me. Is it a problem? I can change. I don't really post alot, so I doubt anyone is going to get us mixed up...

OP posts:

startingtobehalloweenylover · 10/10/2005 20:12

My brother used to have an imaginary friend called kissifer

he had to have dinner with us and all sorts! don't remmeber when he disappeared thouigh

but, doy ou wantch afterlife? daniel2 frieaked me out!

juuule · 10/10/2005 20:17

Apparantly I had 2 - Doric and Dombrose. Talked to them before I went to sleep. Can't remember anything about it.

My cousin had one - Aunty had to set a place for tea for her otherwise cousin got upset.

tessasmum · 10/10/2005 20:19

Was going to stick something on here about this myself but obviously got beaten to it!

Just wondered when children started having an imaginary friend? DD is 2yr 8 months and the friend has been around for a couple of months. I have no concerns about it at all, I'm just curious.

Original poster

CountessCatbertula · 10/10/2005 20:23

I asked her today btw. She said "Noooooo... He's only pretend mummy. There's only one Florence!"

Bless - cracked me up.

It also occurred to me sat here thinking about it - that sometimes I think it's her way of sorting social interactions and such things out in her head. Like she will suddenly announce "Can I get down from the table" and then immediately say in her "mummy voice" "No titatty, you can't, you haven't finished yet" (because she has preempted what I am going to say).

She was about 2.5 when it all began...

OP posts:

Podmog · 10/10/2005 20:29

Message withdrawn

onlypumpking · 10/10/2005 20:44

one of my twin girls has an imaginary friend, (which i thought was brill as DD has autism) caused us a few problems thou as she said he was coming for tea, then sat at the window waiting for him and wouldn't go to bed until he had been!then there was the party he was having, her twin sister wanted to go and was told she didn't have an invite so she ended up in tears about a party that wasn't even happening, he has not been mentioned for a few months so hopefully he won't come back.

Miaou · 10/10/2005 20:44

Not read whole thread - sorry - but my dd2 had an imaginary friend and there was a thread about it at the time - I'll see if I can find it!

spookyserenity · 10/10/2005 20:48

DS2 gained two when I was pg with DD. They lived in his belly and had a small dog and a table with a flower on it (?). They hung around until DD was about a year old.

I'll have to ask him how they are tomorrow

merryberry · 10/10/2005 20:48

i had two when i was about 4. they were viking brother and sister called 'hugga and suffa'.

dr freud, where are you ?

Miaou · 10/10/2005 20:48

here

Monstersmum · 10/10/2005 21:10

Well I had one - and some would say I am quite peculiar!!!

DS had 5 last year - Scooby, Shaggy, Fred, Daphne and Wilma!!! They even went to school with him some days - teacher seemd to take an extra 5 in her stride!

The funniest was one morning when DS woke up needing a wee and had a bit of a "stiffie" - he blamed Daphne!!!

trinityrocks · 11/10/2005 21:49

I had a dragon that used to ride on the top of my mum's car.
My dd1 had a pink and purple female mouse called 2noone2 for a while, she doesn't mention her so much now but still occasionally. she now has 2 baby sonic2, you know like sonic the hedgehog but just a baby and can't run as fast as big sonic yet

This has got me thinking though, apparently they are a sign of good cognitive developement...but is she too old reall now, she's 5 and 1/2???

trinityrocks · 11/10/2005 21:52

that should been "noone" by the way , one handed typing is a nightmare

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