Almost 4 year old hitting/pushing other children at Pre School - HELP

[Blatherskite]

DS is 4 in March. He's been going to Pre School since he was 3.1 and seems very happy and settled there. We've been upping his hours slowly and since we got back after the Christmas holidays, he's been doing 5 mornings a week.

He's a lovely boy most of the time but twice already this term, I've been approached by his keyworker to tell me that he's pushed one little girl (who's actually bigger than him) and today, hit a little boy (who apparently provoked him but still!) The keyworker doesn't seem worried, says it's "just boys" and that DS is "quiet but boistrous" but I don't feel like I can just let it lie - I need to be helping him to not behave like this before he really hurts someone. I'd be mortified!

We don't hit at home. I was beaten as a child and DH doesn't agree with it either. He's not violent towards his little sister (13 months) but can lose his temper and throw things. We always tell him this is wrong and help him to do whatever it is that was annoying him in a calm way. I do have a temper but I hide it from the children as much as I can - maybe not enough?.

I've talked to him about what happened today and have told him there will be no computer time today as punishment. As always when he's told off, he cried but I made my point and then gave him a hug and a kiss and told him I love him.

Any tips for dealing with this? I don't want him to be a boistrous boy! He's quite tall for his age (the little girl he pushed is massive!) and so has weight to throw around if he wants to and could hurt someone. The Keyworker says the other children are often quite shocked by him because he is so quiet so they don't expect it when he becomes boistrous.

How do I teach him to control his temper and not hit other children when I'm not there and don't hear about it until afterwards? The Pre school staff discipline him at the time and I'm happy with that but I want to back that up at home.

I'm not sure you can decide whether he's going to be a boisterous boy or not - he will be what he is!
I have two boys of 8 and 11, who both go through phases and come out the other side.
Let pre-school deal with incidents there and you deal with stuff at home - you and keyworker are both aiming for a well rounded child at the end of the day.
My boys need cause and effect to learn lessons from - if you hit someone, they'll either get you back or you'll get told off by a grown-up.......was hitting worth it?
If you don't let him show frustration or anger at other children, he may end up resenting you/them, or internalising feelings only to have something release inappropriately when he's older.

joAKAbob is right. Perhaps work at bringing him out of his shell some more then perhaps he'll feel less inclined to hit. By that I mean some children think and do wind up quiet children for a reaction - and get a big themselves when they're hit for it.

Its not abnormal for children this age to be doing this, and agree let pre-school deal with it.

Hitting, pushing are daily occurances in a pre-school, not correct behaviour but your boy is not bhaving abnormally iyswim. The time to worry is if/when its happening daily.

Thanks for replying.

Shall I just keep backing up the keyworker then? She tells me what he's done and I usually have a chat to him about it when we get home. "X told me you did this today. It's not nice to hit/push. If child winds you up, just tell the teacher in future ok?" etc. Or should I be leaving it with pre school completely? DH wants there to be consequences when DS gets home, ie the losing computer time.

It seems to be one boy in particular that I hear about. He's either DS's best freind or he hates him. I guess it's normal for their age