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4 year old screaming going to school

4 replies

Dosey · 27/01/2011 12:44

Hi I wonder if anybody could help me, my dd4 has, since going back to school after christmas, started screaming before going into school and holding on to me for dear life. The teacher has literally got to take her of my leg and carry her into school. By the time she has got to her peg, she is as right as rain and enjoys the rest of her day. When I pick her up on an afternoon she is full of smiles and telling me all about her day. She is absolutley fine all day and doing very well indeed. I have tried lots of different tatics, a sticker chart, rewards and treats if she can go in nicely. All she tells me is that she doesnt want any treats because she is going to cry anyway. I have talked to her and she says everybody is really nice at school. I bought her some worry dolls to talk to but nothing seems to work. Can anybody else offer advice or reassurance. Its wearing me down because she has never done this and doesnt do it anyother time other than going to school. Most mornings I want to cry with her but today I started feeling cross. I dont let her see how I am feeling and just walk away. When I phone the school to make sure she is ok they tell me she is having a lovely time and settled down as soon as she got it.

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monkeyflippers · 27/01/2011 12:59

Oh that's weird! Do you think it might be directed more at you then any actual problem with the school. For example she might be trying to show you that she misses you once you are no longer together.

Mummyella · 27/01/2011 13:01

My dd1 did this. Screamed, cried, clung on, but also showed every sign of loving school once she was there - had a wonderful teacher, nice friends and came out happy every day. Its so upsetting, and every morning my stomach was churning :(.

It did stop in the end. I found that acknowledging how she was feeling was more successful than trying to tell her why she didn't need to be upset. e.g. by saying 'its upsetting for you when you have to leave me isn't it - sound like you're feeling worried about going into school' etc. (This sounds a bit like daft psychobabble but I have found it works wonders with my dds over all kinds of things)

I also started to think after a while that it was a way of getting the reassurance that she needed from her teacher when separating from me. Being carried into school was something that she just needed for a while. She is fine now - in year 2 and very happy. You may just have to sit it out but I know how hard it is...

RockyAddict · 27/01/2011 13:01

Speak to the teacher and see if she can arrange an 'important little job' for your DD to do each morning as soon as she arrives.

I had similar with my DS and it worked for him. (he used to scream going in and be all smiles coming home!!!) You probably just need to break the habit and she'll be ok again.

I was also told to say 'see you later on' rather than 'goodbye', which may or may not have helped.

I totally understand the frustration though, I was feeling either livid or weeping with sadness at the whole thing.

Good luck.

Dosey · 27/01/2011 14:03

thank you for your replies, its reassuring to know its not just my little one. I will try the tips you have suggested. It does break my heart every morning put her through it.

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