Trying to get them to buckle down. WWYD?

[fartmeistergeneral]

My ds (12) has a music competition next week and he's done practically no practice - only when I nag him. Then he does the bare minimum

He's keen to take part and is convinced he is good enough to win 'I'm amazing' says he. He took part last year and didn't win but still thought he was better than the winning girl (he wasn't)

Now, in the extremely likely event that he won't win, what I WANT to say is 'I told you so, I told you so, you are unbelievable lazy, you'll never do well cos you just cannot be arsed getting your finger out and making a bloody effort'.

I won't say that...... but what can I do to motivate him, or shall I just let him enter the comp, not win, and just say 'oh well son, never mind'.

??

I'd let him enter, compete and, if necessary, fail dismally! From that he will learn that to get anywhere he needs more than talent, he needs to put some effort in. Just tell him now that you leave it entirely up to him, practise or not, enter or not but that since he has made the decision, he will have to live with whatever happens.

I agree. He's old enough to take responsibility for his lack of effort and the potential embarrassment.

Does his attitude apply to school work too?

He's 12. Let him learn by losing.

Yes, I do agree, but will need to bite my tongue afterwards to avoid screaming 'I told you so'!!!!

He has this bizarre innate confidence that he'll win. Last year he did OK, but didn't win and was convinced that he was better than the actual winner and that she only won because she bowed to the audience!!

His attitude doesn't necessarily sound like a bad thing.

And I don't think it's a mum's role to say I Told You So, no matter how tempting

Bowing to the audience is plain good manners. They clap, you say thanks. Simples!

Yes, they were all supposed to bow but only some did.

He latched on to that fact, ignoring her fantastic playing (hours of practice perhaps??) [bwink]