Can someone tell us what is going here please and shed any light on strategies to get our boys behaviour back on track please?
Our son who is 3yrs and 4 months has really started acting up lately.
He will not sleep in his own bed, he has been waking crying and seems really, really sad and distressed when we put him back in his own bed. He is very contrary, when we tell him something is so, he often replies "no its not" as an almost instant reaction as well as phrases such as "don't want to", "i need to" etc.
He seems to be using the phrase "go away" lots when either requested to do something or even if we sometimes just happen to be near him. He has started hitting us a both a little bit, as well as lots of shouting and generally really kicking off if he doesn't get his own way.
He also seems to like winding us up, i have caught him a few times being defiant towards one of us and then giving us a cheeky look to see what our reaction is.
To give you the background, we recently also had a baby girl. There was a lot of trauma for us as a family surrounding the birth of our daughter as she was 3 months early (born at 24 weeks gestation) and was part of twins, the other one of whom sadly died a week after birth.
The little girl is still in hospital, so mom is at the hospital every day for a few hours and i also go when not working (i work really long hrs then have more days off than average). We do sometimes take him to see his sister so he doesn't feel left out, and he has generally been quite sweet with her cuddling etc.
I thought maybe the fact we were not around as much, and he has had to go to his grandparents during the day quite alot may have affected him as well as him maybe picking up on the fact that there was a lot of upset in the house for while. It was for this reason we allow him to sleep in with us for now whilst things calm down.
We do our best not to rise to him, but sometimes we do end up shouting or telling him off (another one of his favourites right now is to tell us not to shout at him even if we are just saying something he doesn't like in a calm voice).
It got so bad the other day my g/f ended up telling him how horrible he was and crying as she was just pushed to breaking point. I tried talking calmly to him afterwards, asking if he meant to make mommy cry (he said no), explaining it wasn't very nice and telling him he needed to behave. He pretended to ignore me by watching TV but i knew he was listening from his face.
I work a mix of nights and days so he may not be able to see any routine in my shift pattern as he often asks me if i am going to work.
Sometimes when i get in from night shift he is driving his mom crazy and i can see an argument brewing between them so i take over and try the opposite approach and calm him down and it often works.
He was such a sweet little boy, he did have some sleep issues but nothing unusual for his age, and he still can be so i know he can be a really good child.
He does seem to get very frustrated as well but i am not sure how much of this and the other mentioned behaviour is normal for his age. He does seem to always want me as well over his mom, not sure if thats cos i am like a bigger version of him or just because he doesn't see as much of me due to the hours i work.
Do you think its just the usual toddler temper tantrum and challenging behaviour phase (i was a difficult child by all accounts and still have quite a rebellious and non conformist streak) or is he responding to everything going on?
More than anything we want strategies to deal with him when he kicks off and to ensure he develops as a well balanced and well behaved boy (we are big on manners such as please, thank you, showing respect for grand parents etc).
Pre- school have not mentioned any behaviour issues and my mom says he is perfectly well behaved until we come to pick him up when his behaviour then changes.
I'd like to get him sorted out as we are expecting to get our daughter home in the next month or so and i know we can expect further behaviour changes from him when we do finally get her home.