How on earth do I get a 4 year old to stop sticking fingers in mouth/picking at lips/picking at face?

[IlanaK]

his is really driving me insane now. Ds1 used to suck his thumb, which did not bother me. Now though, he has suddenly developed the habit of sticking his fingers to the back of his mouth (not sucking them) or picking at his lip or picking at his face (he has impetigo scabs at the moment). I have asked him why he puts his fingers in his mouth and he says he likes the taste.

I have tried explaining to him that it is not nice, hygenic, etc. That it makes him like a baby. I have tried telling him off each time I see him do it. Physically taking his hand out of his mouth when he does it etc. He is getting really frustrated by me doing this, and I am getting really frustrated by him.

What on earth do I do???

My ds is four and puts everything in his mouth. I think some children do seem to need more sensory input here than others - they don't get as much sensory feedback from this area as other children. I think telling him off is counterproductive, as is telling him it is babyish - he can't help it and this could make him feel bad about himself. I think you need to back off a bit - particularly if your ds, like mine, does it more when he is stressed or nervous. If you hate him doing it in public maybe offer something like sugar-free sweets to suck so he is getting some sensation in his mouth. Also let him have things like breadsticks etc or lemons to suck. My ds likes quite extreme things like sucking ice or lemons sometimes. He could have worse habits, he really could!

don't know. but i have always picked my lips and still do

And lots of lots of children and adults chew pens, smoke, chew gum...

Oh dear - I have a very similar problem to this with my ds aged 4- all of a sudden he has the habit of putting fingers in his mouth - he doesnt really suck them just licks them really - maybe he likes the taste too - drives me crazy - it makes everything wet - no idea how to get him to stop though............. I will watch this thread with interest!

Hmmm....thats an interesting perspective. But your suggestion about ice or lemon would not work for him. He hates anything too cold in his mouth. Water has to be room temperature for him. And nothing extreme in flavour either. Noway he would have a lemon. IN fact, he doesn't seem to like too much in the way of sensory feedback from his mouth.

have similar problem with dd. she seems to have started biting her nails since ds arrived 4 months ago. fingers are now red and sore. have also started physically taking her hand out of her mouth when she does it, but she's now doing it in bed too. she also picks her lips. am hoping its a phase, she's 3.75 so just a bit younger than your ds

Sensory issues come in all shapes and sizes. I honestly think the best way is to be as unstressed as possible about it as IME if a child feels worried they will do it more as it is comforting to them. I'm sure he won't be doing it as a teenager!

instead of focusing on what he can't do with fingers, focus on what he can do. telling him off/threats/humiliation won't help any child's behaviour as it teaches them to do the same to you and makes them self conscious.
each time he does it get a drawing book/jigsaw/scoobies/playdo/water etc. anything that requires total concentration and the use of his hands. if you have to say anything try saying 'let the skin heal' in a calm positive voice with no judgement and explain how you understand it might be a little itchy but the skin needs to heal itself and how he has to help his skin by letting it grow back. if it is itchy try letting him splash his face with cool water and patting it dry which might change the impulse to pick.

Well I hate to say this, but dd1 is 8, has done this since she was about 3 and shows no sign of stopping! I think it is partly a comfort thing, and she does tend to do it when she is concentrating on something else (eg reading, watching tv, listening to someone). Being just the same (and still doing it when a teenager!), I do understand it!

Strategies - I just ask her not to, every time the fingers go in her mouth, even if that's once every ten seconds. I don't raise my voice or get cross, just repeat it again and again. Eventually she gets so bored of hearing it that she gives up (for a while). She is certainly better than she was - she used to lick each finger and palm until they were wet all over - now she just tends to lick her fingertips and pick at her nose. To stop it getting sore I put vaseline on her septum. Because I used to do it I do empathise with her and don't make a big deal aboutit.

Have you thought of bribery? Eg start with five/ten stars a day then take one off each time you have to ask him not to pick? You'll have to decide on a reward system depending on how many stars he has left each day. I don't know whether this would work or if he is too young for this or would just make more of an issue of something he will grow out of, but worth thinking about?