Biting, kicking, scratching, hitting and pinching

[lightwind]

My nearly 3 yr old ds has discovered his arsenal of weapons in the past few weeks and is using all of the above, largely on me. Especially when he doesn't get his own way. Have tried all the things that used to work for other naughty behaviour, ie naughty corner, withholding favourite toys etc, unfortunately the bad habits keep recurring. A couple of days ago he really scared me when he woke me up by sinking his teeth into my upper arm - it really hurt. He's pretty strong so it also hurts when he hits or kicks, and I'm feeling seriously battered. I've never hit him, and the only physical contact we have with him is positive, (ie plenty of cuddles and hugs)other than the occasional restraint, ie holding his wrists or arms if he's really out of control.
I'm feeling really worn out and a bit fed up. He was ill last week, Norovirus, so was off nursery all week; as soon as he got a bit better he started lashing out at me again. I'm a SAHM, btw. My dh is a doc and works long hours, so its mostly me and ds at home.
Any suggestions/words of wisdom would be v welcome.

Bump...any help out there?

Hi,

My son is now nearly six and although it wasn't too bad with him there was phase where he was physically violent, both with me and others, other kids or his dad. I was in the same situation as you with Dad working longish hours and me at home. I'm sure it is just a phase and it will pass, especially as you have never hit him. That said, although it may only be a phase I don't think you can let it go.

This is how we dealt with it. Every time, and really every time, it happens there needs to be some consequence - immediately, no don't do that again warning . If it happens outside the home when you a doing something that is something for him (eg a trip to the park) then take him straight home - again, no warning - just straight home (whatever tantrum you may have to put up on the way). If you can't be taken home straight away tell him there will be some consequence for this when you get home, and make sure there is as soon as you walk through the door. He has to understand this is not acceptable - anytime, anywhere, directed at anyone, and you will not accept it.

But when he does have whatever 'punishment' during that time sit and give him a cuddle and talk to him and tell him why you won't accept it. It hurts you (and others), that is not how you behave in your house - we never hit each other or hurt each other etc, etc. There are certain rules you have and this is one of the most important. Hopefully he will understand very quickly that you won't tolerate it, and more importantly will begin to understand that he is hurting you and he won't want to do it.

It worked for us, my son soon understood both things and stopped doing anything like that. Very, very occasionally now if getting himself really worked up about something he will make some hitting gesture - not actually doing it but making the move. If he does that then again immediate consequence. Only happens once in a blue moon though. The real hitting, kicking etc stopped a long time ago and he is one of the most loving little boys you would meet. He also always comments if he sees some other kid hitting how wrong it is.

Hope this helps a bit

Alison