Upset 4 yr old - any ideas

[treelily]

My DD1 4 has just come back from her first outing with a friend in tears. Her friends mum said they had to leave early because she suddenly got upset and said she wanted to go home. She took about half an hour to calm down, could not tell us what was the matter and has now fallen asleep.

I don't know whether the tiredness was what caused the tears or whether how upset she was has just exhausted her.

I didn't want to bombard her with questions so tried to leave her to calm down a bit, once I had checked she was not unwell or worried about anything particular. She eventually got onto DH's lap and went to sleep.

How would others have dealt with this? I don't know what could have upset her so much or if anything has happened, but don't know whether to try and ask her about it later or not?

Any ideas gratefully received.

possibly just overcome with missing you as it was a first outing and needed to know she would be taken home if she needed to go
I'd say no more outings unless she is very sure she will cope

I think you may be right, but when I asked her about missing us she said that wasn't it. The thing is she has been looking forward to this all week and actually seemed quite excited about going somewhere without us.

Since I posted she has woken up crying, but after about 10 mins sat up and said 'I think I'll have lunch now' and is now eating perfectly happily.

I think you did the right thing in not bombarding her questions when she came home. She was clearly distressed and tired, and questioning her would have got both of you nowhere.

Pranma's probably right, in that this is because it was a first outing without you, so she was in an unfamiliar place, and felt overwhelmed. Has she had playdates without you in friends' homes?

She'll probably wake up and, in the manner of four-year-olds have put it all behind her, so don't be surprised if she doesn't give you much information when you do finally ask her about what happened. You'll be the one more upset it about it than she is, I suspect.

x-posted with you, treelily.

Maybe she got overexcited?

I'm glad she's OK now.

Thanks ttalloo. This is her "best friend" from school and we have done a few things together, but always with me there. Now that I think about it, she did initially assume I would be with her, but when I explained I wouldn't be there she seemed even more excited. So yes possibly overexcited.

I have just tried to ask her a bit about it but you're right she doesn't have much to say and it is bothering me more!

As long as she seems happy now, I wouldn't worry about the fact that she's not saying very much.

If she were still distressed and unlike her usual self then I'd worry that something sinister had gone on, but it does seem, from what you say, that she's OK now, and whatever it was, was triggered by her own feelings (which is why she can't articulate it very well) rather than an actual event.

Thank you ttalloo those sound like wise words :)