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Get tough on tantrums or give extra attention due to new brother?

2 replies

ninaprettyballerina · 23/01/2011 13:38

We're starting to lose paitence big time.
DS1 turned 2 at the beginning of Dec then DS2 arrived 2 weeks later. So we don't know if the change in his behaviour is just the terrible two's or jealousy, and therefore how we handle it.
Its mainly bedtimes. DS1 will no longer nap - stands by the side of his bed crying and refusing to get in bed. Occassionally for DH he will get into bed but insists that DH stays with him (til he falls asleep so anything up to 45 mins). But more annoying is the evening routine - pretty much same thing, he'll stand in his room crying/screaming/refusing to get into bed. But it's fake crying, or starts off fake but after 30 mins it turns to real crying/screaming. I presume he sees that the baby gets attention and cuddles when he cries so DS1 tries the same. But he also wakes screaming in the night and again insists we sit with him (sneak out when he's asleep).
It's all so draining with a newborn but basically should we get tough with the terrible two's behaviour or give extra attention due to the arrival of baby?

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treelily · 23/01/2011 19:46

Hi

I have a similar age gap between my 2 so know how difficult it can be.

What is your baby doing when DS1 is going to bed? When DD2 was little DD1 had a lot of questions as to why the baby didn't have to have a nap or go to bed. We started sort of involving DD2 in the bedtime routine and letting DD1 think the baby was going to bed too and that she wasn't missing out. But we also made sure she got a bit of extra attention at this time eg. an extra story without DD2.

My general feelings about new siblings is that the older one does need extra attention, but not when having tantrums. I would say be consistent with however you choose to deal with tantrums and make sure he gets lots of extra positive attention at other times.

tostaky · 24/01/2011 10:55

Ive got two DS, similar gap - what worked for me was once the tantrum was in full mode, i would go to DS1 take him in my arms and cuddle him, and gve him lots of kisses and talk to him about why he was having a tantrums....then he would settle very quickly. I had to do this 3 or 4 times before all thosetantrums stopped! I think he figured whats the point of having a tantrums if all i get is kisses and cuddles.

about bedtimes... can u work up a routine that doesnt make him feel left out? toddlers also love to help.
for ex i ask mine to go and get DS2 comforter that i left in the living room, and then to put DS2 clothes and his into the laundry basket etc.. he feels "useful" which makes him feels good and hes got something to do while i care for the baby
good luck!

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