Four year old wont stay dry.

[ThreIsNoSpoon]

I TT him when he was two. We have had quite a bit of upheaval since - moved house twice, new sibling - so expected regression to some extent.

BUT the last of these events was over eight months ago sand he is still not dry all the time. He does go to the toilet, but generally after he 'leaks'.

We have spoken about how he 'feels' when he needs a wee, so I dont think it is a lack of sensation. We have tried lollies, sticker charts and other incentives. I have ranted and raved and shouted. Nothing seems to work. We have also gone for the totally relaxed approach and ignored it with an 'oh well, never mind' which resulted in him saying 'never mind, it doesnt matter' and then not going at all. Sigh. We have tried taking him every hour but he still wees in between. We have tried making him change himself which results in him throwing a tantrum as he refuses to go upstairs by himself (and with a baby this would be nice if he could - he is quite capable of going up and changing) He now tells me he doesnt get there in time, but when we notice he needs a wee he refuses to go!!

He has been to preschool and they couldnt fix it there. He is now at nursery and they are working on it and they cant seem to crack it either. I thought seeing other children would help, but it doesnt seem to.

He also has quite (TMI) loose poos and he is starting to have accidents with those as well.

If he has anything other than water or milk it goes straight through him. We do make sure he drinks loads to stretch his bladder.I know he has the muscles to hold it/stop it as he can stop enough after the 'leak' to then run to the toilet.

I am out of ideas and going through six or seven pairs of trousers a day is getting me down.

Help?

Have you taken him to the docs to rule out any physical reason?

well whenwe have mentioned it t (numerous times) they always say it might be aUTI and check for that. Which is clear. No infection.
They dont seem to suggest anything else.

Could it be something else?? Any ideas?

Ime, I am a nursery nurse, some children like to have a bit of control in their lives. There are 2 classic ways that they do this, one is fussy eating and the other is toileting. As you have said he has had lots of upheaval in his life. This may have led him to feel he has no control and has taken control over an area in his life that he can control completely. Obviously, this is all subconciously done, he won't actually be able to verbalise or rationalise this.
You have tried lots of approaches and maybe this has confused him further. I am not saying it's your fault, at all. Just looking at it objectively.
If he was in my nursery, this is the approach I would adopt.

1. I would stop taking him to the toilet or asking if he wanted to go. I would leave it till he recognised he needed to go. This may mean you have more accidents at first, but they will decrease.

2. If he has an accident, I would say 'never mind' and not tell him off.

3. I would expect him to take his wet/dirty clothes off and put clean ones on and put the dirty ones in the wash.

4)If he does get to the toilet, I would reward him, maybe a sticker chart or whatever you feel he would appreciate. There would be no punishment for having an accident.

5. I would accept that this is a journey that can only be made using small steps

I know it is hard to be not so emotionally involved when it is your own child, but I have had success with this method, both with toileting and eating issues.
HTH

I used a sticker chart called My Big Star Chart from encourageandpraise.co.uk which worked really well...I think they also do an age specific one for boy aged 4 yrs +. Might be worth checking out. Good luck.

May I suggest you keep a potty and a few changes of pants/trousers downstairs for a while-maybe even wherever you are in the house so he doesnt have to go away from you to wee.It may just be a subcinscious regression to babyhood as a reaction to new house/baby.

subconscious

Hi there!
Does he leak most of the time or does the whole wee end up in the pants and trousers?

I only ask as DS (also 4) had quite a long period of leaking, but during this time few proper accidents. I just ignored the leaks and they stopped (phew!).

He does have accidents when he's very tired still. I don't make a big deal of it, but he does have to go upstairs and get new pants and trousers himself.

I agree with pp, it's probably a control thing. Somehow you have to detach yourself and go back to basics like when you're TT first time round. Easier said than done!