8yr olds Behaviour in school

[Lovemytwins]

Im new to this site but have found it fascinating so far.

This is likely to be a long post so I apologise in advance.
Basically Im very concerned about my 8yr old's
behaviour in school.

In Nov it was parents evening and I got quite a shock that both my twin boys teachers said their bahaviour was unacceptable (in separate classes). I was annoyed to think that they had let this go on since Sept! I immediately said I knew nothing about it so couldnt assist with this at home. I suggested they bring home a diary with behaviour for that day (am I sorry now?)

Dont get me wrong my boys are no angels, very loud, lively and boisterous and very popular in school! They are both very bright and in top sets in school.We manage they're behaviour at home by praising and treats and consequences for when they have done something wrong! It can be difficult sometimes as they sometimes answer back, they're not violent or swear just "OMG I didnt do anything" kind of stuff but we immediately tell them its not acceptable.
One of my boys behaviour instantly improved with the use of the book and the strategies used at home, I do feel his teacher is not watching him like a hawk and is looking for positive things he does. My other boy has mostly negative comments from his teacher. I can sense she doesnt like him. I feel he's being watched all the time and any tiny incident is being noted.
Constantly talking when its carpet time, not putting his hand up, not listening enough, talking over her and other children. Me & his dad are both explaining to him that he has to concentrate and listen more but it doesnt seem to work. We have a chart to complete when he comes home from school depending on what day he's had depends on what treat/consequence he has.

It is now causing stress at home as these silly incidents are happening daily. I also feel he is being labelled by other teachers within the school as there have been 2 incidents were he has been punished for something without being able to tell the teacher what has happened. The other child has been able to walk away without anything being said to them.

I am really worried that its knocking his confidence and he is going to feel whatever he does he's going to be told off for it.

Yesterday he came home from school and told me his teacher scrumpled up his piece of art work as he hadn't listened and coloured it in before he was told to, he was then made to start again. In his book she said he "had quite a good day however some problems in art due to "J" not listening to instructions. Then managed to produce a lovely piece of work"

I have arranged a meeting to discuss this "behaviour" in more detail on Monday.

Does anyone have any ideas, suggestions or in similar circumstance?

Many thanks for listening

Yesterday he came home from school and told me his teacher scrumpled up his piece of art work as he hadn't listened and coloured it in before he was told to, he was then made to start again. In his book she said he "had quite a good day however some problems in art due to "J" not listening to instructions. Then managed to produce a lovely piece of work"

This really screams out to me as not acceptable from the teacher. Ok so your son was wrong for steaming ahead without listening, but to screw up his work is plain nasty.

We too are having issues with my 6yr old DD1 over behaviour at school, and at home if Im honest, so Im going to take on board some of the strategies you have mentioned.

I dont know how it is for your son, but I find with my DD1, she is advanced in terms of her academic work, but socially she just hasnt got a clue! So she is bored with school work, and so when it comes to "hands up" situations she really struggles because she knows the answer immediately and wants to "please" her teacher by showing her that she knows. Her current teacher actually said to me she hates hands up sessions with DD1 because it isnt fair on the other children.

Im at a total loss to be honest, but I hope some good comes out of your meeting on Monday. It has reminded me to ask for an update on how DD1 is doing actually as not heard anything negative since November.

I often wonder whether he is bored, he is well capable of the work given to him. He loves being praised! Feel as though it's all very negative.
Even when she's telling me via the book he hasnt listened he's coming home and telling me the stories of Pharoahs that they have learnt about that day or showing me the new notes he learned on his clarinet!
Dont think his work is suffering at the min but that's what Im worried about!

Love is this a private school? Just wondering

No, just a normal primary school!!

I think you have to ask teacher to use praise more but that you will also back up any discipine used. Can you use screen time as a bribe as home?

I think you need to say to the teacher:

"My DS really is really unhappy. He thinks you don't like him.....is this true? Why might he think that? How are YOU motivating him? How are YOU challenging him?"

I think your right, the teacher doesn't like him and he is 100% picking up on it. She should feel terrible IMO. Could you move him?

Been there with my DS, this year he is no different but his teacher is, he is flying and able to 'be himself'. I do think some teachers just do not 'get' and therefore like less certain children. for your DS.

Danjarmouse. Maybe suggest this to your DD's teacher. My friend teaches 6/7 yr olds and has a massive gap in the lower and higher ability children in her class. To stop those who can think of an answer straightaway from getting in first and those who can't from not getting a chance/ not bothering as they won't get their hand up quickly - she uses lollipops. Each child knows their colour, she has 4. She'll ask a question, everyone thinks for a minute, she'll pick a colour ie blue, announce it and then draw a lollipop stick which will name the child to answer. Sounds long winded but after a few weeks it really works.

Or talk tokens work well.

At home we have been taking time off his allowed time on his computer or his playing out. We have also used small amounts of money as treats. The behaviour book he uses has a "Smiley face" for good day, a "straight face" for ok day and a "sad face" for a bad day.
He has mostly straight faces in his book but plenty of comments of what he hasnt done that day!
We cant seem to move up to the "good day" because no matter how small the incident he is then put as having an "ok" day.
Dont want to move him out of the school or class just want to get to the bottom of it all.
Thanks for all your comments. :)

lovemytwins I totally sympathise. In the end I went into DS school and said ' is he the only child who has done x today, this week'. Teacher said 'no'. So I asked if they too had been punished for it. Teacher said basically none of my business. So I replied simply 'well if x child did it you would probably let it go, yes? But you think my son is a problem child so you presume he's doing it to be difficult?' The HT actually agreed with me that this is probably the case.

Maybe ask the teacher to look for a smily face thing everyday - however small and write it in the book. Its amazing how much good they'll see in your DS once they start looking.

Oh and tell me to mind my own, I do the computer thing with DS, but he earns the time instead of loses it (my old way). Find its more positive and gives him the incentive to do something positive.

FWIW the other day was not a good one! End of dinner he tidies everything away, offered to hoover as well as he wanted to google something.