Thoughts please - Routine / sleep - DD 6wks

[SXMummy]

Hello,

Our DD is 6 wks. NCT advised me at the beginning to demand feed. This also led inevitably to demand sleeping, 90% of the time on me. We are now realising some things have to alter a bit, and best to do now. Doesn't help as Im also now comparing myself to every other mother / child combo.... Its getting me down and need some perspective please let me know what you think? DD sleeps in a moses at night in our room in a crib as she's a bit small for the crib at the moment.... She sleeps happily in it from about 10 or 11. I don't want to spoil this point. She goes through to 4 or around then. Short feed then back to sleep no trouble to 6am another short feed then wakes for the day at 8am. She would wake for the day at 6 but goes back no trouble whilst I get dressed and Dad goes to work.

The points I struggle with are early evenings - getting her for a sleep not on me in the lounge at about 730./8pm and a day sleep if we are at home. We have a routine pretty much. She has 2 sleeps in the day of around 10:30 - 12pm and again 2pm to 4pm. Around this are feeds and wake / play time. These sleep also often coincide with points where we go out, she sleeps in the car, the pram etc quite happily too. If we are at home is when I struggle. She is usually on me in the lounge.

I've tried reading baby whisperer but her mothers appear to never leave the damn house as all her references are without trips etc included. I don't get it? Im not particularly bothered to follow her exactly, its just someone suggested to me for ideas.

I would like to put her on her own in the moses either in the lounge with curtains shut or bedroom the same if we are indoors. She isn't convinced at all. Grumbles then full out wails. I wait to pick her up til its proper crying as grumbles I've found can stop. She's doing it now in fact....

How do I instill a routine for her sleeping indoors? Should she be in her own room now? (A family member solution) How much crying do you do your best to ignore?

She's a happy glorious baby and Im also worried Im making mountains of mole hills. DH would like evenings sorted too. Neither of us really know where to start....making it up as we go.....

Any thoughts?

Sounds completely normal to me! My children always fell asleep whilst breastfeeding,or shortly afterwards. Personally, I wouldn't attempt to control her sleep pattern anymore than you are-she is still so very new, adapting to a new world. Demand feeding is the answer until she is older. I think you need to accept it for the moment, this is typical of life with a new baby.
Good luck and Congratulations!

Since DS2 came home from the hospital he has gone in his cot, in his room for all his daytime naps (personal choice having learnt lessons from DS1!). I also have played the music/lullaby from the BT monitor every single time he has gone into his room for a nap/sleep. It has meant that the minute the music goes on he quickly settles as it has been his "cue" for sleep. It has also helped to resettle him in the night when he wakes (the added bonus being I can turn the music on remotely so don't need to get out of bed at 3am!). Perhaps you can put her in her moses basket, in her cot so that she is familiar with the room and learns to love it as 'her' space during the daytime?

She may also need more sleep in the day - both mine have needed to sleep after 1.5/2 hours of being awake. I have always put them in their cots after 1.5/2 hours, even if they have seemed awake, and let them drift off.

Things will improve when they are a bit older - it seems endless in the beginning - I always found 10 weeks and 6 months real turning points. Hold on in there!!

Thank you. This helps. Gives me some perspective back a bit! It's not her, she's well behaved really. Just need to tweak the evening a little so she can learn to send herself off a bit.... :0)

They are all different. DD1 used to fall asleep down here with us in her little chair in the evenings and go up with us until she was about three months.

DD2 would not settle downstairs she hated the distraction and was up in her cot from about four weeks every evening.

DD3 is now seven weeks and she does go upstairs some nights but it's hit and miss as she'd often prefer to sleep on me all evening.

I really wouldn't worry about it a good evening routine helps though we do baths at 6.30 then PJs then a feed at 7ish whatever else has happened that day.

She sounds normal to me and is actually sleping a lot better then my children did at this age.

I agree with mumeeee, she sounds great! 6 weeks is still so little, she'll find her own little routine sooner or later. My DD hated to be put down but I seem to remember that around 2-3 months she started going to sleep downstairs with us in her carrycot, around 8.30pm until her dream feed at 11pm. Daytime naps were a very different story however...

I agree also about trying to introduce the same things at the same time in the evening eg. bath, night clothes, feed etc.

I think you will find things easier if you go with the flow, "listen" to your baby and stop trying to do what you think other people expect you to do or whatyou think other babies do.

She's 6 weeks old, not 6 years old. She doesn't know how to settle herself or about routines (which are about making you happy, not her). If she wants to sleep on you, let her, why not? She shouldn't be in her own room, she's too young and she shouldn't be left to cry it out - it's cruel. Babies want to sleep with their parents - think about it from their point of view - they cannot do anything for themselves at all and they only feel safe when they are with you.

Look, I know I sound a bit abrupt and I have on occasion left my DD to cry for a bit usually because I've been involved with my other 2 children but what I've learned from having 3 children is that if you go with the flow while they're young, they will get into their own routine and sleep patterns by themselves when they are ready.

If you are into parenting manuals, then why not try something by the Sears who follow the attached parenting methods. I'm not saying that you have to do all what they suggest but it will make you realise that there are other ways of doing things rather than imposing routines on your children that involve them crying and/or a battle of wills.

Again, sorry for being abrupt.

If you are desperate to get her into a routine, carry on - but if you are only doing it because you think you should (and it sounds a bit like this - don't compare yourself to other parents!), don't bother. I was stressing about my DS not being in a routine in the early days but then I realised that actually I didn't have a problem with it, it was more that people kept telling me I should have him in one and I was feeling pressured. And he gradually formed his own routine when he wasn't much older than your DD anyway.

You do need to bear in mind: at 6 weeks she still thinks she is part of you. She doesn't know there are other rooms in the house - if she can't see/hear/smell/touch you she will panic because as far as she knows, you could be gone forever. At this age babies are just instinctive creatures, and their instincts scream at them that they need to be with their mothers at all times - she doesn't know she's a 21st century baby with a mother who's never going to abandon her. As far as she's concerned she is a cavewoman's baby, and being left alone could result in her being a sabre-toothed tiger's breakfast. Is it really so bad to have her sleeping on you in the day? Don't worry that she is forming bad habits - she really isn't, and you're not making a rod for your own back. At this age what she needs above all is to learn her mother is a constant presence in her life and responds to her needs. If you respond to her straight away (or as soon as you can) she will be more secure and will learn to settle herself better a little later on. I would just try to enjoy this time - she's not going to be small enough to sleep curled on your chest for long, and she will never in her life need you so completely as she does now. In another few weeks she will be sleeping longer at night, and in a few months she will (hopefully) sleep through and you will have your evenings back again. But for now she just wants to be held by her mum, and you can't blame her for that.

She sounds like she is doing amazingly. Just be k bit patient. SHe'll develop her skills and will be able to self soothe better when she is older. You can't teach her that yet, she is too young. Enjoy the cuddles while they are not teaching anything. She is too young for you to have any worries about bad habits.

I agree with what others have said, about her being so young and needing her mummy and not being left to cry - of course. However sometimes you do need to put her down on her own, and there are ways... I remember when I put my DS down on our bed I would cuddle up to him and put one hand on his chest and sometimes stroke his middle eye, then just lie there like that breathing really heavily until he drifted off.

I also agree though that having your little baby fall asleep on you is one of the most special things in the world (maybe all the more so for me because it felt naughty - how sad is that?) - I wish I did it more now!

Thanks guys, lots to think about here. Good to hear experiences of houses with multiple kids to as a reminder all babies are different! Since hitting 4wks everyone from the corner shop to family have asked "so are u in a routine yet?" Which has been rather overwhelming when i feel I'm still living perhaps the most minute to minute existence I ever have! Also people seem fascinated by where she sleeps and my answer of "well where she feeds - on me til night when she's in a Moses basket" is kind of what's prompted this meltdown!

I'm going to take it a bit less seriously. By the sounds of it things are normal, which is all I really wanted to hear and your stories of older babies show we shouldn't be setting ourselves up for issues as yet, something family are quick to hint at!

Funny what u fixate on... She's pretty good all round so I'll just get a grip and enjoy this as u counsel! Thanks guys!!!

I also have a 6w DD who is doing pretty much exactly what yours is. She is my second (and last) baby and I am making the most of those evenings snuggled on the couch. They don't last long as the baby gets bigger and are so lovely also they are the best excuse to sit on the couch and watch telly or read a book with your partner at your beck and call you'll ever get.

Enjoy safe in the knowledge that you are not starting bad habits up just having brilliant mummy baby bonding time.