I NEED HELP

[nicola1969]

I have posted here before .. not sure i got the support i needed..but i try again.. me and my partner are really struggling.. now he says our daughters room is like a pit.. i tell him it is because we have no storage in her room.. he says we have a chest of draws, a wardrobe , shelves and a plastic 3 tier cage thing and that that is enough.. i think its not! he says that her room should be tidy so she can think..(she is 8) .. but his idea of tidying is binning all her scraps of paper.. admittedly when hes done its spotless but what about some freedom for our daughter..what do you think ..need advice!

I think he is partly right, inasmuch as some people (me included) find it very difficult to think straight and function in a muddle.

It is good for her to learn to be tidy at this age.

Maybe some extra storage boxes would be useful, but I think first you have to help her sort and declutter everything, decide what she needs and what she wants to keep, and what can go either to the tip or to charity. Then sort and store the rest. Then you will know if you need any more storage.

If the scraps of paper are important, maybe create a scrap book, pin board, folder or similar to keep them all together. If they are scattered round the room, I can see why he would find that irritating.

also if possible i would like to post a pic of the room ..am i missing what he sees... or is he just OCD

thats exactly what i think...letting it get into a bit of a mess should be her choice, provided she clears up occasionally.

he is my daughters father and no he does no house work.. he works and i dont so he says i should do the house work.. he freaks out then tidies if it get too messy.. to be fair to him for the past four years he does pay for a cleaner but she cleans and doesnt tidy.. he thinks its my job to tidy

Well, what kind of mess are we talking about?

Floor covered with dirty clothes, paper, remains of food etc?

Then, yes, I think you need to teach your DD to clear up.

It doesn't have to be prefect, but no, I don't think that she should have the 'freedom' to live in a pit.

how do i post a pic..is this allowed

Freedom = chaos if there are no boundaries. Children thrive on boundaries and order, as much as they don't realise it.

He's right that her room should be tidy (well, tidier!) - not for tidiness' sake, but because it teaches responsibility and pride in one's environment. Kids can't concentrate in mess.

However, you're right that it shouldn't be your DH doing it if he's just going to chuck stuff. If she did it, though, he wouldn't have to!

You can post pictures on your profile. Not sure how to do that exactly, though.

IF you will excuse me for reading way too much into this, it sounds like you are concerned about his behaviour, rather than hers. You have said you don't think your daughter has enough place to put things, so buying some storage just for problem paper would be good. Perhaps You could also get a cleaner who helps tidy a bit? BUt if the problem isn't just with her room, and his reactions are out of proportion to the problem in a way that concerns you then that is another issue. HOpe some extra storage sorts it all out though.