Help me with a strategy to sort out DD1's eating please

[Lorelai]

DD1 will be 3 next week and is a rubbish eater. Main issues are

1. very fussy - toast and jam or rice krispies for breakfast, lunch and dinner vary between pasta with cheese, ham, cheese, breadsticks and raisins, pizza, or baked beans and potato rosti (used to have sausages with this but has started refusing them). Pudding is a yoghurt and a fruit pot (Organix fruit purée). The only fruit she will eat is raisins or dried apricots (the black ones as I tell her they are big raisins :)), with the occasional bite of banana. No vegetables at all (except baked beans). Of course she is fine with biscuits and chocolate . Refuses to try anything new, to the point of rejecting different brands of yoghurt etc.

2. Will often eat 2-3 bites of a meal then say she is done. I know she isn't full as she will eat more if coerced, and still wants her yoghurt and fruit pot (I don't like to refuse these as feel they are important for
   nutrition). Once she has finished the yoghurt etc
   announces she is still hungry.

3. Often refuses to stay at the table for meals - wants to stand on the floor next to the table or wander off then come back for the next bite, stops eating when I tell her she has to stay at table.

4. Although she is perfectly capable of feeding herself she often refuses and wants me to feed her.

Can anyone help me work out a strategy to deal with all of this? It has been hard for me to sort it out before now as I have been working full time, but now on maternity leave (DD2 is 7 weeks) so would like to start tackling it properly, just don't know where to start. We have a star chart for trying new foods but doesn't seem to be a big enough incentive :(

Bump

As the mother of another extremely fussy eater I can honestly say the best tactic is ignore, ignore ignore.
I know it is easier said than done but believe me it is the best tactic.

DS1 is sooo fussy and after worrying and fretting for ages I have got tough since the new year.
I cook one meal for us all although to be fair I am taking small steps with him as to what I put on his plate.
He gets the same as us with 1 thing on his plate he will eat. so I suppose that addresses your point 1.

Point 2: Don't coerce don't get into any battles or confrontations, if she says she is gull after 2 bites then fine let her go from the table she will honestly not let herself starve. ANd as I don't agree with using the food as a bargaining tool still give her yougurt/fruit pot.

Point 3: Ignore again. If she wants down from the table let her go, the fact that she stands next to it suggests she is trying to get into a discussion about it and when forced stops eating again getting loads more attention for it.

Point 4: don't feed her she feeds herself or not at all. Again she will not let herself starve she may feel hungry for a bit but she will give in before you do if you are firm and consistent.

Ditch the star chart honestly.
I know it sounds like these things are easy for me to say but I have been where you are now and it does get better but it's yourself you have to get tough on not her.

SHe is getting loads of attention for this behaviour right now.
One thing for a few days expect her to eat very little it will get worse before it gets better because she will test you to see who will give in first...make sure it's not you.

I got tough because DS1 had started to refuse even the foods he would consistently eat so had to do something.
It is working, not an overnight miracle but DS1 has tried and will now eat 2 new foods and has started eating the things he did like again because he now realises there is nothing else. This change has been most dramatic over the past week as he realises now I mean it.

I have a 3 1/2year old DD who at times can be quit fussy. It does seem to go in phases and I think it's partly them testing the boundries.

Also the not eating new things is apperently an evolutionarly thing as toddlers at this age become a lot more independent if they went off and eat something they didn't recognise it could be posionus. So fussy toddlers are the norme not the exection.

DD used to eat loads more when she was a baby, but now refuses most verg although still does eat a resnable amount of fruit. I found the best way to try and get them to eat new things is by constantly putting it on there plate, encourage but don't force them to try it and when they do give lots of praises.

And no matter how bad this makes you feel if they don't eat there tea then say they are hungery then I say well that's because you didn't eat your tea. I don't give anything else. We have also resently had to dial back on the snaks as I think she was having to many and wasn't that hungery when dinner time came round so wasn't that bothered if it was something she's not that keen on and would just point blank refuse to touch it. Reducing how much and even sometime cutting out the afternoon snak has helped with this.

I'm not sure I can help with the staying at the table thing as we don't have this problem. Although I do let her get down if she's finished and we're still eating (although that very rarly happens in this house)

I think most important of all is trying to keep meal times relaxed and not force the issue as you then turn it into a battle.

Thanks all. I will try these suggestions. Do you think I should tell her what I am doing or just do it?

She has decided on her own she wants to make soup (???) so that will be lunch and if she doesn't eat it then too bad (will serve it with bread do she won't starve). I have already cut down her snacks and made them healthier, but will be stricter - fruit or veg only.

Wish me luck!

Yes, I will do that too. Can still see a lot of wasted food in my future though :(

There is actually less food wasted TBH because you are not cooking something for her that she isn't going to eat anyway it is a small portion of what you have cooked anyway.
Don't overwhelm her give her small amounts of things on her plate.

One thing I also did was DS1 was desperate to help me cook but told him he couldn't cook if he wasn't willing to try what he cooks before he serves it to the rest of us and after a few tries in the kitchen he did start to nibble on some of the things he helped make.