middle child?

[sheenaqueen]

Please help! I have three children, one ds 8 one dd 4 and another dd 10 months. I am having dreadful problems with my four year old she seems upset a lot of the time. She has now started cryin again when I leave her in school and when I go to work in the evenings. It seems any attention is good for her so she will do naughty things so I shout at her. I am finding it extremely hard parenting three kids I feel like the worlds worst mother as I look at self help books and they are all full of 'you should spend time with your child' etc etc but I honestly haven't the time to play with her all day. My ds can entertain himself and he is no problem at all but my dd whinges for someone to play with her all the time. When I get her from school she'll look a bit tearful but she says she enjoys it when shes there. She always says she misses me but she's only in schhool 2 and half hours! I think she is jealous of the baby but I really don't want her to be a 'middle child' if you know what I mean. This whole situation is making me so sad. Has anyone else had this problem?

Its called Middle Child Syndrome, and lasts a ...lifetime!!

I have 3, and the middle one takes up 70% of my time/attention/affection etc..
My mum had 3, middle one (not me ) took 70% of hers.. Ditto everyone else I know with 3, so stats not looking good

I think its purely to "bad positioning"; they are neither the first born (first to do anything/leadership position/"extra" privileges) nor the baby of the family..

They feel disadvantaged, and want to self assert by any means; they are always the ones to be riddled with extra dose of sibling rivalry..

I feel they need more 1-1 time, but monitor it as they tend to want you to the detriment of the other too.

On the plus side, I was reading they tend to have excellent negotiating skills, and end up with powerful jobs (most PMs are middle children!!)

Mine are 6, 4 and 15 months, and the 4 year old takes up most of my energy!

He is very jealous of the baby and craves attention, which I do try to give him, but his behaviour has got pretty bad lately with a lot of flouncing off and tongue-sticking out type behaviour.

Gah, if anyone has a magic remedy, please share.

Yep agree, my middle one is 15, intensly jealous of youngest 8 and that is even after eldest 22 has left home. It goes with the territory I think.

Sorry nothing helpful to add really.

Same here, but middle one is the only boy in between 2 girls so I've never been sure if it's because he's the middle one or if I just don't cope well with boys.

He actually DOES have excellent negotiating skills.

He's particularly jealous of younger DD which manifests as being nasty to her at every opportunity.

It's exhausting OP, you have my sympathy. He really does take most of my energy and I feel like DD1 in particular is expected to gets on with things on her own too much. However, on his own, he's lovely. It's VERY hard to find the time, but I try to take him out on his own sometimes, usually just to a cafe or something so we can chat without the girls. I have to hope it makes a difference.

I'd say your problems are because she is 4 not because she's in the middle. She's still little and she wants time with you. DD2 is my in the middle and she has always been far far easier than DD1 so I would be wary of labeling.

In my experience, it is not the birth order, but the child's personality. I have worked in childcare for years, and when i was a nanny, i cared for singletons, 2 siblings 3,siblings and more- and there was not really any logic as to chich one turned out to behave like a 'middle child' often it was the first or last born to act like the middle child.

In my own family, my first born sound like your middle child, he is incapable of being in his own company, and wants constant enetertainment and attention and is insanely jelous of his siblngs He is exhausting. My middle child has always been the most easygoing, self sufficient calm little girl, and she is now 4, and hardly ever asks for or seems to require attention.

thanks for all your messages, at least I'm not on my own! She cried again before school saying she was going to miss me and then she said the teachers won't play with her! I said the teachers are there to teach so she should just play with her friends! I can only hope this is just a phase as yes it is exhausting and it is getting me down. Thanks again.

thanks for all your messages, at least I'm not on my own! She cried again before school saying she was going to miss me and then she said the teachers won't play with her! I said the teachers are there to teach so she should just play with her friends! I can only hope this is just a phase as yes it is exhausting and it is getting me down. Thanks again.

My 4 year old was easier to look after than my elder child before my youngest came along and before he was a middle child. I had no reason to think things would change, but they did once number 3 was born.

I have tried not to "label" him, but he has just reacted to being the middle child.

Studies show that middle children just have to get on with it but that it helps them become more independant as adults. I am a middle child- my eldest and youngest siblings got loads of attention as a result of being the precious first born and the baby. I really could have done with some time and attention as a child though and don't have a close relationship with my parents now as an adult. Why don't you make time for her? Maybe think about what her needs are and how you can make her feel more secure.

I've got 3. They're 11, 7 and 3.

My 7yo is without a doubt my most independant child. She's also the most loving and cuddly out of the 3 of them. She's fiery and feisty but utterly adorable. She was, however, a nightmare when she was 4

My firstborn has more middle-child traits than my secondborn.