16 old ds constant whinging, crying and clingyness sending me over the edge.

[minxofmancunia]

Ever since I went back to work last september he's been glued to me like velcro whenever he's wtih me and SCREAMS if i put him down. He's with me 2 days a week plus dd (4) and nursery 3 days. If Dh takes him to nursery he's fine but with me it's a different story, total hysteria when i give him over to his keyworker.

When I'm with them both on a Monday and Tuesday I literally feel like my heads cracking open with the non stop demanding and whining which escalates to full on screaming at approx 3 minute intervals. He will v ocassionally toddle off and play but it's rare. He's often hungry because with me he messes about with his food so much.

He's fine and settles with everyone else. Today I went upstairs at 9.00am after breakfats to get all 3 of us dressed and ready, because of the constant interludes having to console him it took 2.5 HOURS. And poor dd just plays endlessly on her own. She's v patient and tolerant bless her.

The constant wailing is making me quite anxious, and as much as I adore him I'm desperate to get away from him. I'm beginning to actually HATE being a parent, it's horrible at the mo. I have no life of my own, I can't sleep and it's just quite shit. I don't see the fun in it at all and I'm getting less and less good at putting a brave face on it. I'm shouty, irritable, disorganised and I just cannot stand the never ending NEED that he seems to have. Dd was never like this.

End of tether. Help.

Of course I mean 16 MONTHS, sleep deprived fog brain.

bump

I'm afraid I haven't got much good advice but I wanted to give you a virtual hug.

My only thought is perhaps to try a more intimate environment where he may feel more secure so he is less dependent on getting that from you. I'm thinking a good childminder. But I should say I'm biased because having thought nursery was the way to go, we ended up going to a childminder and it has been an excellent decision. She has close relationships with the other children there as well as the childminder.

But I realise it may not address the issue directly enough.

I do hope someone has else can offer better advice!

Just wanted to offer my sympathy. I have a 15 month old and she has been a bit like this today - Im mostly blaming three teeth coming through. She is not always like this but it happening a bit more often at the moment. It sounds like your ds is missing you and just cant communicate it yet verbally. Sometimes i find try to verbalise their screaming and whinging helps eg.
DD: WAAAAAAAA (opening snack box)
ME: This is verrry tricky to open mummy
etc
Hopefully its just another 'stage' and will pass before too long

Hello there

thoughts:
think of it as a good sign. your 16 month old loves you and is attached to you. That is part of normal development. There is often a phase when the child from 15 months through to about and a half follows mummy around everywhere all the time even to the loo. This is your precious time with him. It is never going to come back and it will pass quicker than you can possibly imagine.
Your 'time for myself' is not in those two days during the week. Your 'time for myself ' could perhaps be more usefully factored in at the weekend when DH is around. Think of those two weekdays as your time with your children. In two years or so when they are both at nursery/school then there will be time for yourself in the week too. But right now your 16 month old and 4 year old need you badly.
Right. Once that is sorted, you need to establish a routine for the two days. A routine which revolves around the children. Perhaps a mothers/toddlers group you take the 16 month old to for one of the days, perhaps just structure the days more into breakfast/playtime ( with children ) lunchtime/ walk/nap/pick up dd from school/ teatime/ tv time/ playtime etc etc whatever works best for you and your children. Factor in some time to start reading with your children. Have them both together on the sofa after tea and read lovely large picture books. This is really important. Just some first off thoughts. Good luck. They need you. There is only one mum.

How is his sleep?

My DD was exactly like this, until we did sleep training at 23 months, and she is now a reformed character. Obviously that might be coincidence, but I don't think so - everything came together once she was getting a decent amount of sleep, she stopped being so clingy, so insanely fussy with food, stopped the constant tantrums.

Since my DD grew out of it, your DS probably will too. But hopefully a lot sooner than that (my dd was prem and has some slight delays).

DS is like this - when he's ill or teething or if I go back to work having been at home.

I try and give him one on one attention without him needing to whine for it. I work three days a week and my two days off I spend doing stuff with him as opposed to errands etc where he's tagged along.

please forgive me if I forget your 'nickname' as I am brand new to this. You are going through an awful stage with your 16 month old. What is worse, is lack of sleep. I am the mother of a child with Autism, why am I telling you this, because I want you to know that I can fully grasp how you must be feeling - at your wits end. I think that you have a battle going on between your 16 month old, and yourself. He is not happy that you are not with him all the time. He wants you to know it. You are extremely stressed, and he is picking all that up on top. He is feeling all your anxiety, and desperation. He is feeling insecure, and because of all that you are going through, that is making him even more insecure on top. Which becomes a viscious circle. I want to reassure you that you will get through this. My son is not a child anymore he is a teenager, and I am still having to deal with his behaviour! But, through all my difficulties, I have learnt to overcome his behaviour, and you will too. Don't be afraid, share your concerns with your doctor if need be, maybe check with the midwife, and know that you will get there, keep loving him, and he will come through.

Sweet lord minxofmancunia you poor thing. I should imagine you do feel quite shitty.

I myself have considered increasing my working hours as my DD who is 12mo is exactly the same when I pick her up at 3pm each day. How bad does that make me feel!
Do you feel (honestly) that you can't wait to get to work on Wednesday - if you do then that is ok. A happy mummy usually equals a happy baby so if work gives you the break you need then there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe you can split your hours over 5 days so that you get a little time to yourself every day but get to spend some time also with your children?

My DD has to be in my arms until I get inside the door until I put her in the bath. I can totally see the point others are making about how this will pass and that the times he will want to actually be cuddled with disappear soon, but it still makes it really hard if you do have other things that have to be attended to.
Are you able to sit down with your DS?

If you CAN you are in a better situation as my DD will not even let me sit on the sofa with her.How my back hasn't shattered into a million pieces god only knows.

I don't know if you get the same but I get from family, leave her on the floor and do what you need to, she will just have to learn. Er yeah, but she doesn't

I think funnyperson has some really good tips there for you. taking them out may help as children are usually quite nosey so if you are out he may get distracted by things going on around him? Sometimes if my DD is being really beastly I take her one of my neighbours, have a cup of tea and more often that not, their children will distract her while I slurp tea and munch on biscuits!!

I hope for us both that this time will pass and that their need for their mummies will not disappear but that they will allow us out of their sight to have a piddle!!!!

Thanks everyone for the tips

funnyperson I have never thought of Monday and Tuesday as time to myself believe me! I consider them part of my working week. i try to claw a bit of time back at weekends but between dds ballet lessons, parties, playdates, family coming,church and any errands i need to do (as won't take both dcs to shops on my own too much of a hassle, would rather wait til weekend and go with dd or on my own) there is just no bloody time. I'm insisting on going to the Gym on Saturday morning, dh started going on about wanting to go on a bike ride with his friends but I've insisted. Just getting a hair appointment or meeting a friend becomes a logistical nightmare because of the whole weekend being about dds social life!

I've 2 evenings out organised next week with friends which I'm looking forward to.

As for routines i do all those things, I do try to read to him but he just gets so frustrated and ends up screaming at the book. Or dd becomes completely overbearing and won't let him turn the pages at his own pace which I try to let him do.

Re his sleep he's great, I can't complain. 12-13 hours at night but only a 1 hour nap in the day, I'd love him to sleep longer. Goes down well, too put him down drowsy but awake and he drifts off with some music and his snuggle blanket. I grafted with both children with their sleep and put the hours in to make sure they went from wake to sleep alone and self soothed back to sleep in the night.

The sleep issue is my insomnia not his! Am now taking valerian the hard stuff!

Love him to sleep longer in the day i mean, dd used to nap for 2.5 blissful hours!