Imaginary Friend after emotional upset

[Emeeno]

Hi, my youngest daughter (8) has developed an imaginary friend 3 years after her father and I split up. She describes him as 'all black, and like a cat with cats eyes'. He seems to appear when she is frightened or worried and she describes him as 'popping out' in such moments. I get the impression that he is not entirely friendly.

This development has been accompanied by increased worrying and panic attacks and often occur after she has spent the night with her dad and is re-adjusting to being back home.

Although in the beginning the split was quite traumatic, her dad and I have spent the last 2 years really focusing on the children and are very friendly with each other. She has 3 brothers and sisters who she gets on well with and lots of friends at schools.

I don't know if this is a normal stage for sensitive children after divorce or whether I should seek some help for her?

Ds was bullied for a while and he has an imaginary octopus!! Octy is not entirely benign either, but he protects ds and that is enough for me. I am sure that ds does not really believe he is real, but kind of uses him as a filter for difficult emotions. I tell ds stories with Octy in so he kind of belongs to both of us now.

I wouldn't worry at all as long as the relationship does not take over and she seems relatively happy over all.

DS1 developed an imaginary friend called Billy when he was 2 (around the time his brother was born). For ages I thougt it was a new child at the nursery until I asked the nursery who Billy was and they didn't have a clue! Still have no idea where the name came from.

DS1 is nearly 5 and Billy rarely makes an appearance - usually only around stressful times such as when we moved house Billy came to check out DS1's new room and when he started school Billy came to see him when he got home .

At the time Billy appeared, I spoke to my GP who said it was a sign of an intelligent child and not to worry. I was also advised not to make a fuss or tell DS Billy didn't exist. GP said to only worry if DS starts to 'live' his life through Billy or doing naughty things and blaming Billy.

Billy is very friendly & supportive so different to your DD's friend OP. Maybe sit with her and ask her about her friend - does it have a name, when does it come out, does it talk to her etc. Maybe encourage her to come to you when she is scared or frightened so the friend doesn't need to worry about coming out. Try not to worry!

I had quite a volatile childhood and am an only child.

I had lots of friends in RL but had an imagnary friend called Samantha who had 2 brothers and a baby sister.

She was present in my home life where I needed her most and helped me feel less alone with the crap going on around me.

The fact that she had siblings also made me feel less alone and perhaps suggests that I wanted siblings too.

No harm done.

I've been told it's perfectly normal in an emotional upset.

My ds2 also has an imaginary friend. His name is Ennuf; ennuf is ennuf
And I remember having twin imaginary friends, Sam and Annie. Annie and I were forever bossing Sam about, as he was the youngest and the littlest .
My brother had an imaginary pet rabbit. He talked about Snuffle all the time at his pre-school, and the teachers asked my mum if he would be allowed to bring his pet in and show the class.

We just took part in this study mentioned on the BBC website done by Karen Majors. Might be of interest?