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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Only Mummy....

6 replies

hazbaz · 17/01/2011 23:10

Hi I'm hoping someone will have some advice or at least reassurance this is a phase and it too will pass....My DS is 2 and I'm a SAHM - he obviously spends alot of time with me me and not so much with DH for practical reasons. For the last 3/4 months he refuses to let DH do practical things like teeth brushing, dressing, putting to bed, settling if he wakes at night without crying and getting very upset. But he playing with this dad.
I'm 5months pregnant and hoping that this will get better before the baby arrives and i'll need my DH help more than ever!! Any advice appreciated, thanks

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anonymosity · 18/01/2011 04:05

It will probably come and go. Its 100% normal. I have two small ones and they alternate who is favourite parent - sometimes choosing one each, sometimes both choosing the same one. We don't take it personally, its par for the course. Good luck with pregnancy 2 and all that

allyfe · 18/01/2011 06:17

My dd did this when I was pregnant. It was a difficult pregnancy and so I became less available. I know it is horrible when you have to hear them upset, but I would try and keep getting your OH to do bedtime and things because getting used to you being more unavailable now may help when the baby is born. I think it did for us.

yawningbear · 18/01/2011 10:05

hi hazbaz, not sure I have any advice but we are in very similiar situation, although new baby ds due in 4 weeks, DD is 2.2yrs. I am also a SAHM and up until very recently we lived on other side of world with no family nearby so she has spent alot of time with just me. She is a gorgeous wee girl but just now my patience is being sorely tested! Her clingyness seems to have got worse as pregnancy has progressed and if DP tries to do anything like teeth, bedtime, even breakfast there is a huge battle of wills. Last night he couldn't even read a bedtime story with me sitting right there without hysterics:( Sorry, this probably isn't helping very much! Just wanted to reply and let you know that you are not alone. We have recently moved back to the Uk so she has had to cope with a really big upheaval and we have recently started her at nursery partime, hoping to get her settled in before bub arrives. I suppose looking back a few months to where you are in the pregnancy it would have been sensible to make a more concerted effort to get her to accept DP doing bedtime etc but we were contending with moving across the world and it is soooo hard hearing her upset. Is there any particular one thing that your DS likes to do just with her Dad that you could focus on? In respect to bedtime we did spend lots of time making sure that DP played a role in it all when he was at home, bath, stories etc even though I also needed to be there, or at least very close by, with the aim being that he take over altogether although this hasn't exactly worked out! Sorry not to be able to be more help.

Al1son · 18/01/2011 11:46

At two years old she's finding out how much of her world she can have an influence on. She's discovered that she can communicate her wishes about who cares for her and she's relishing that power. She's not being knowingly controlling or manipulative, just enjoying her discoveries.

Some parents are happy for their child to have that control, others draw the line before it. How much say our children get in the family routines is a personal choice for each of us but we all have to draw the line somewhere.

At the moment you can allow her to decide who cares for her and peace reigns. However in a few weeks you'll have no choice but to insist that DH does more of the caring (unless you are Superwoman).

IMHO it would be better for your DH to take over more of the care before the baby arrives. That way she won't associate the change of routine with the arrival of the baby. She's going to find the new arrival disruptive anyway so the less reason you can give her to feel resentful the better.

Original poster

hazbaz · 23/01/2011 21:38

Thanks for all the advice everyone - sorry for the late reply. MY SIL just had twins with a 2.3 DS already so guess my situation is really not that bad at all!
Yawning Bear your situation does sound very like ours a few months on....glad to know its not just us.
Will try and persuade DH to help out more at home as that seems to be the best advice but he works odd hours so not often around. Thanks

OP posts:

yawningbear · 26/01/2011 11:01

Hi Hazbaz, just wanted to add that I have been looking at other threads for more advice and a few folk in very similar situations seem to have found that when they are out of the house and DC & DH are left to get on with it there isn't the same level of resistance from DC when faced with no choice. Am going to give this a go at the weekend, we usually spend time altogether but am going to leave them to it for a while and see how it goes. DP tried to take DD to park on Sunday and she had total meltdown at thought of leaving me. He did manage to get her out eventually but she was terribly upset. Also quite alot of reassurance from others in same boat that if you can continue to give clingy DC lots of cuddles etc it will pass in time like everything else. Hope your SIL is doing OK, both my sisters have twins, have to say I was mighty relieved when we had scan for DS and found out he was an only! goodluck.

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