Im feeling utterly fed up, tired and miserable of dds behaviour.

[tomhardyismydh]

DD is four and her attitude and behaviour is getting me down.

she moans, demands, attempts to push me about and talk to me quite frankly like im a peice of shit.

she seemed to improve over the weekend and we did some really nice things, but still very very demanding and crying if things didnt go her way.

This morning she had a major tantrum over the t.v. on going from last week where I had to instill a t.v ban perminantly on school mornings. some thing We have always had but I modified last week as she had time to spare, but come time to turn t.v off and leave for school she lay on the stairs kicking her wellies at me and screamed and cryed. so I said we will now be back to no t.v on school mornings and followed this morning and shescreamed and shouted at me.

Today I picked her up from school and handed to her teacher some lovely things we had worked on together at the weekend for a classroom display. In front of her teacher at the door with other children and parents she screamed and shouted at me for something I supossidly had forgotten. she cryed scramed and shouted with out listening to me. walking around the corner she threw her book bag at me saying carry it. i stepped over book bag and did not respond to her, she walked behind me screaming crying shouting and kicking her book bag around the muddy field. she is always very grumpy and vile when I pick her up.

I did not carry her bag untill she composed herself and asked me nicely. she ran across 2 roads with another friend, who eaqullly did not listen to her mum telling her to stop. I made her hold my hand then for the remainder of our walk of 15 mins. she kicked me and cryed the whole way screaming that the other child did not have to.

when we got home I gave her a cloth to clean her bag and explained I was feeling upset at her behaviour and it needs to change.

she asked me to play a boared game with her and now I have refused telling her that im just not in the mood as im feeling miserable tired and upset at her behaviour. she moaned and cryed so I sent her to her room. She is now upstairs playing the game and quite frankly does not give a shit about what I have just explained to her.

i dont want to spend time with her and just dont know how to manage he behaviour. I set bounderies and follow through and still she continues to push it.

just wanted a rant more than anything.

The behaviour sounds difficult but normal and probably stemming from tiredness.

I think you are handling it brilliantly and it will pay off in time.

I would have played the game with her to be honest if she had asked nicely but understand why you didn't.

Do you argue with her? If you do, then stop, as it gives her control over the situation and your full attention. Keep those boundaries firm and consistent, and any paddies like that send her to the bottom stair or her room with as little interaction as possible. Mine were never allowed to behave like that with me. They did try occasionally, but realised it wouldn't be tolerated.

One other thing - make sure you notice when she's being well behaved, so she gets the attention from you in a positive light, even if it's just playing nicely etc. The more positive and the less negative attention she receives, the bigger the change in behaviour.

I agree you sound like you are doing good, you just need to carry on setting boundaries and sticking to them no matter what. Once she has been punished then forget about it and try and have some fun with her, it will help her realise that if she plays nice mummys pretty good fun.

Hold firm with the boundaries and stick to your guns with morning tv, etc. She'll get it eventually.

If she's always a pain when you pick her up, perhaps try giving her a snack as soon as she comes out in case her blood sugar's low - it might get her pointed in the direction of home in a better frame of mind.

I feel your pain. I have the same type of dd and was on the brink of getting a referral for a psychologist as dd's rages were getting out of hand - and I was feeling dizzy and faint they were so momentous.

Then.... she seems to have turned a corner just in the last two weeks - I think it's settling into school finally.

I will of course be posting in two weeks time at my wits end again!

Just wanted to say it IS just phase and things will get better. (And then worse again!)

And if she's calmed down this evening can you finish the day doing something nice together - read a story or something? Then start again tomorrow.

Poor you OP - my DD (4) can be a lot bit like that sometimes.

I totally agree about boundaries and consistently. My DMum visited this weekend, and she pulled my DD up on a few things that tbh I didn't even notice. It was only little things but kind of 'respect' type things IYSWIM. It made me realise that I would never have spoken to my Dmum like my DD sometimes speaks to me, and I allow her to get away with it.

I think I have become immune to some of the little bits of bad behaviour, and then I only pick up on them sometimes, and don't reinforce the importance of being polite and respectful.

Absolutely second what thevisitor said. Also definitely agree about clarity of boundaries, and being consistent with this. If she doesn't pay heed to discussions about you being upset, perhaps actions will speak louder than words. When you threaten a sanction or some kind of consequence, make sure you carry it through, otherwise it's empty words and she won't take you seriously. Totally ignore any attention-seeking bad behaviour (unless it's dangerous). Any attention she gets for this (even negative attention) will just send her the message that her behaviour is effective. Ignoring it will show her that it's pointless and doesn't get her anywhere.

But also remember to give lots and lots of praise and attention for good behaviour. Remember that you're the adult, she's the child, and there shouldn't be a power struggle. Don't give her any attention for behaving badly or rudely, but lots of attention for good behaviour. If you're as consistent as you can be, she'll learn that misbehaviour doesn't get her what she wants.

Good luck.

thanks for replies guys, nice to have some support. I think some of the problems are that its just me and her and that does affects the dynamics of the relationship. I do not argue with her but I do sometimes ignore her if she does not start off interacting positivly in the hope she will realise and talk to me a bit better, but of course she is a grumpy 4 byr old that possibly infuriates her more so. like with the bag, I just stepped over it and ignored her. I probably should have given her a very firm warning to begin with.

she is happy now, her dad has just rang and I over heared her telling him she was sent to the headmistress today for fighting, little minx. we have just done her reading and she is lay on the floor practicing her writting. all very positive and lots of praise.

I probably should have played the game I just wanted her to understand how her behaviour can make other people feel.

Totally agree with scattercushion. My DD 4.5 has been unutterably foul since starting school. Shouting all the time, horribly bossy and really, well, mean. Suddenly it seems to be passing, and at least I can reason with her now and enforce rules without total meltdown. Not all the time mind you. I really sympathise because I was actually beginning to dread weekends and I hate admitting that!

Hildabeast, I tend to find at some point over the weekend I have regained a little bit of her sweet lovely self back and then back monday or tuesday back to the moany screachy PITA.

I tend to keep weekend day times pretty structured, helps keep us both occupied and a chance to do lots together and friday and saturday nights are chiled out whatever goes is fine, not much routine but watch tv, dvd, music on, lay on sofa reading, we get sweeties and crisps and dips help. or friends round etc, this help. It keep things positive. what do you do with your weekends?