My nearly 10 year old DDs won't let me talk to them about periods and puberty

[sandyballs]

I've always been open with them, answering questions when they were younger, not hiding tampax etc, and thought as a result they would be ok talking to me about stuff like this.

Not so! They both hate me bringing the subject up, they tell me to be quiet, get all embarrassed and awkward. I've bought a book for us all to read but they won't let me look at it with them, they say it is gross but I've heard them giggle over it when friends come round.

Will this change as they get older, I feel I've done something wrong to make them feel like this.

You haven't done anything wrong! There response is perfectly normal.

Let them read the books in their own time, in privacy.

I wouldn't bring up the subject again unless they have questions.

their not there!

My mum was very open like you and would answer anything, and I really didn't want to speak to her about these things either.

She hadn't done anything wrong at all, I just felt too embarrassed (for some reason - can't really explain it) to discuss it, and told a teacher the day I actually started my period. Took me a few days to tell my mum.

I also didn't tellher when I was bullied until quite a lot later - maybe because I knew she couldn't do much to help, so didn't want her to worry about it. I know that she felt guilty about that though - not my intention.

So not kuchelp, but all I wanted to say is that it doesn't mean you have done anything wrong at all - I love my mum very much, and discuss much more with her now that I'm an adult.

Don't push them to talk to you,and they will when they are ready - since they have each other to discuss embarrassing things with, they maybe prefer to keep it between themselves.

You've done nothing wrong!

I point blank refused to tell my mum anything about my body or talk about those subjects when I was younger and I have no idea why as she was warm, approachable and totally unflapped about these things.

I think it's just something some kids do. Now I tell her EVERYTHING and, as I'm pg with my first child, some of the stuff we discuss goes far beyond period talk!

Just leave the books around in their bedroom. They ll read as and when they're ready!

And I also asked dd to write down any questions she had.
Came up with a couple neatly written on a post-it!

Much easier to deal with than face to face conversation.

I was like this with my mum too. But I would sneakily read the books when she wasn't around and understood what was going on.

We both found it all hideously embarrassing though.

Well don't then! Let them be children a bit longer (unless you think there is a chance they will start their periods soon?)

They don't have to know the details from you as yet. DD had a girls-only lesson in school when they fiddled with tampons and pads and much giggling was done. In Yr6 I beleive. Since then she's been alarming straight-forward about it all, even demanding a bra and some mini-pads just in case. TBH I suspect she knew most of it from a much younger age anyway - she asked me questions from time to time and I answered them - and I know they discussed things amongst themselves in school. But this was the first time the facts were presented in black and white. Perhaps ask the teacher if this is going to happen for her class.

You have to accept that they, currently, feel more embarrasseed talking to you about this subject than you do. Sometimes an un-embarassed parent isn't any easier to talk to than an embarrassed one.

Just give them age-appropriate books, and let them know you're happy to discuss anything which comes up, and they'll do fine.

Personally, a "book for us all to read together" wouldn't have suited me, I much prefer to get my information from a book by myself, then ask if there's anything I don't understand, even as an adult.

Can anyone recommend a book for an 8 year old girl to have a look at. At the moment we can talk about anything and my dd isn't at the embarassed stage but I'd rather have something around for her to look at whenever she feels interested rather than making an issue out of it.

"Lets Talk About Sex" is very good for that sort of age - its quite matter-of-fact about stuff like puberty, and doesn't assume they're that interested!

yes, you need to place a book in their room - maybe when you take their washing in, put it in the middle.

or could you get a relative to send a copy of one of the Periods books through the post? marked top secret and addressed directly to them? (one each cos it might be embarrassing to talk to each other too...)

my dd is 13 soon and still no sign of anything - flat chested as ever and much skinnier and younger looking than her peers

she is getting quite a lot of info from school, and I bought her a couple of books I'm not convinced she has looked at, and we have had a few short convos - but I must say it is easier talking about it to a 12-13 yo than a 10 yo. She wasn't at all interested in hearing about it then.

can anyone remind me how quickly does one go from breast buds to periods?

sorry, i see you've got a book - I justsaw the bit about giggling and saying it was embarrassing.

also - make sure there are tampons and towels in accessible places in the bathroom (my mum kept them in the stool where all the spare toilet rolls and toothpaste etc was kept - she used to leave a couple of open and some missing packs, so that if we did need to use them, we wouldn't be worried she'd notice one was missing)

Thanks for that, I'll have a look at it. At the moment dd just asks if there's something she wants to know but I'd rather she had other options too.

good book for girls

To the person above asking for a book, I thoroughly recommend this one - it is purely about the changes in your body, rather than a sex education book (Let's Talk About Sex is the FPA endorsed one that's supposed to be good for that). My oldest DD didn't really want me to talk to her, but I bought this book on holiday in America when she was about 9, and we saw it in American Girl Place (hideously expensive slightly creepy doll shop!). She actually read it and came up and talked to me about things afterwards. I've recommended it to a few friends who have all liked it too.

www.amazon.co.uk/Whats-Happening-Me-Facts-Life/dp/0746069952 this is a good one and your local library may have it. I got my copy from there. They have sex education in year 5 I think, so you can link it in with that. My dd had this book, we did discuss things - I gave her a post it note to put on any pages she was unsure of, then we quickly went over it together. Short conversations, left it that she could ask me. Just as well she has just began her periods 4 months before her 12th birthday, so yes 11!

My mother was like this. TBH I found it really intrusive and invasive of my personal space. I'd provide the books and the info and wait for them to come to you, not raise it with them. Privacy is a big deal in adolescence and I think perhaps parents who tried very hard to be open (my mum was reacting to the opposite at home) can forget that these are personal matters, and the child concerned may not want to have that kind of talk with you.

"Well don't then! Let them be children a bit longer "

You don't suddenly stop being a child if you know about puberty1

Thanks for replies. They have got a book called 'Let's talk', I think it is the younger version of 'Let's talk about Sex'. It's quite a humourous account of the basics. I'll back off then and wait for them to ask questions, if they do!

I started my periods at 11 so it could be on the horizon for them being nearly 10.

I don't think I'm making them grow up too quickly or affecting their childhood by giving them knowledge! I wanted them to be aware of the basics before their Year 5 talk.

You're not making them grow up too quickly at all, I think arming them with the basics is essential BEFORE they hit puberty. A few girls had already started their periods when I was in Year 6, so you're better off getting the facts to them sooner rather than later.

Best of luck!

Ignorance and innocence are two completely different things.

You can be innocent but still well informed!

And ignorant but far from innocent, for that matter.

is the book maybe a bit too detailed? My dd picked up one in a book sale which has so much detail, it is a bit overwhelming. She did read it though.

What I bougth for her in the states on holiday and which she really liked reading and was very comfortable with was the American Girl book "The Keeping and Care of You". It is a smallish book and you can get it on amazon. I think it worked well for her aged 10.

oh duh stupid me. Have just seen that housemum has already linked to that book.

Sorry.

Proves it's a good book!