I'm worried dd(7) may be getting issues and need advice

[northernmonkey]

I spoke to DH about it and he said to ask you lovely mn's
She has recently started worrying about her hair, asking if she could change it/have it cut/dye it. I told her a flat NO to dyeing but if she wants a new hairstyle its up to her.
Then she said the other day she didn't want to wear some of her clothes because they make her look fat!
This evening she then started commenting in me eating slightly different to the rest of us

I did tell her i'm not dieting i have a problem with fatty foods hurting my stomach.
Do you think i should be worried or could it be just a faze? She seems so unhappy

Are you discussing your weight or looks in front of her? I do think you have to be very careful about what they see and hear.

Does she watch any adult TV?

It's not too late of course...if she says she is fat. ask her gently why she thinks that.

Let her lead...explain she has not stopped growing yet...and so her body is not even developed and that all people have different bodies...and all are beautiful.

If you want to try to change her perception then avoid the words diet, and fat....say "I want to get fit" instead of diet. It is very hard I know.

You could always ask yur GP for more adice.

you say you're obese? do you mean really obese, or just a bit overweight?
I wonder if, on some level, she is concerned about becoming as large as you (if you are very big) if she has perhaps overheard you talking about it and maybe talking about your concerns regarding your own weight?

that plus the fact you are dieting may have jus tmade her think about it more?
also, schools these days make SUCH an issue over healthy eating and not getting fat, so perhaps that has played a part too?

I think honesty is the best policy here. You can explain to her that you are overweight, and you want to get fit and healthy which is why you are eating different things.
then of course go on to explain that she is not overweight, she is just right and that children need a lot more fat etc than grown ups because they need more energy for growing, so it's ok for her to have things tyhat you may be avoiding.

I wonder though, can you try and make it so you all eat more or less the same thing? A frind of mine has been doing weight watchers for a while (lost 3 stone too!!!) and they generally eat the same or similar foods although she will perhaps have a smaller portion or miss off the more fatty elements from her serving

I do have issues myself so i bet she has picked up on what i'm saying.
When i told her the lie about me having a bad stomach she said 'but you said your on a diet' I told her it was another way of having to watch what i eat so is easier on my stomach. she does watch things there and i think she might pick up on beauty/hair and clothes issues there.

It is hard. I will try to be really careful what i say from now on. Her getting food issues has always been a fear of mine and i need to stop feeling like that cause it wont help will it.

Try watching this, it might give you some ideas of things to try.

I would be very careful now...not wanting to scare you...I grew up with a Mother who complained about her weight and was on a constant dieter (she was only a bit overweight) and I ended up with Anorexia aged 17.

Not that this willhappen to your DD...I had othr problems...bt it CAN happen...if it helps you at all, I also have a fear of passing on MY food issues to my DD (6)

It wont be hard for you to stop mentioning diets etc...ad perhaps you could begin cooking with DD once a week or so? A reguar date to enjoy the process of food together...fairy cakes re good...cook them, decorate them and eat some with her.

Food should be enjoyed without guilt and she needs to see this.

I would be more worried about what she is hearing from her cousin...does she spend time alone with her?

No i am 7 stone overweight :( so yes i am big

I do wonder if she's afraid of getting fat like me. This is one of the reason's i want to tackle my weight so much.

I do eat what everyone else is eating

ahh i see, I do think you're doing the right things then.

tbh my son (he's nearly 6) comes home often from school telling me he can't eat this that and the other, and that the traffic light thing on food tells us what to eat and that i'm not ever to give him stuff with red on because he'll get fat

i think schools have a lot to answer for.

i bet with your daughter it's just a combination of school, your current diet and perhaps influence from her cousin.

it's good that you're aware of it though, and can help her see that it's ok to eat foods you like and even food that is "bad" for you, as long as everything is in moderation. that's the good thing about weight watchers isn't it? you can eat anything as long as you add up all the points... so it isn't like you're on a crazy starvation diet or anything

piprabbit thankyou for the link, i will have a good look at that, it looks like what i need.

WimpleOfTheBallet I'm sorry you had Anorexia, hope you battled it well.
Someone i knew when i was younger suffered from it and sadly died :( She often told me she was scared she would look like her mum :(

I will try cooking with her more. She does enjoy spending time in the kitchen with me

thisisyesterday Thats why i went for WW. I wanted something that would fit in well with my family and not a starvation thing. I'd thought about lighterlife at one point and even very nearly asked my GP fir a gastric band. I knew if i did that though it would have a HUGE effect on the whole family because i'm the one who cooks for everyone and it would be odd if i didnt follow my one meal for all rule.

I think youll find they teach them a lot about food in school. DD6 is always saying xyz is healthy and xyz will make you fat. I'm lucky with my weight so dont diet so I know her influencs come from school. I just try to play on the healthy part as opposed to the fat element of food. Ie fruit and veg is healthy whereas too much chocolate doesnt contain the vitamins we need to help our body grow strong.

I mirror what the others have said above that you have to help her see that she is healthy and growing so doesnt need to worry about those things yet.