terrible 'darkness terrors'. strategies on a postcard please...

[ginbob]

having awful trouble with dd (4.9) who is scared of the dark. We have twin boys who are 9mo which makes it worse as some of it may be attention-seeking, and when they squeal and cry after sundown she is terrified, hiding and crying hysterically. Can't deal with both of them and her all screaming together, every dinnertime. I end up losing it and I'm afraid I haven't got any patience with it at all after the first 20 minutes. Naughty step and bedroom are too scary, being on own is too scary, being with twins is too scary! Has anyone else had this kind of issue at all?

I take it that you've tried giving her a night light/torch?
Have you asked her what she wants to happen? lights on , go downstairs &c. could then reason it through during day
My ds is 4.11 and think, at that age, they are becoming aware of fear.
Within reason, can you remove the flashpoints of fear (torch, short spell downstairs) and then work on seeing dark as positive, stargazing, dens, trips out after dark.
Hopefully if she can experience the dark in safe positive way, she'll be less upset at night.

Must also say, with ds of 3.5 and 13m that it is soooooo stressful when they all cry together.

So much sympathy, it will get better and you are doing a bloody good job as it is!

My dd is also petrified off the dark, she has to have nearly every light on upstairs when she goes to bed, but even then she wakes up and can't settle without us sleeping with her.
It is especially tiring as you said when you have another, I have a ds who is 2 and when they are both awake there is just no way of getting them both back to sleep.
I went to the doctors and he gave me medicine to calm dds nerves and help her sleep, I was unsure as I not one to pop the pills.But she took it one night and then the night after she actually asked me for it as she felt it helped her!
This is of course a short term solution so I have no idea what happens after.
I loose patience and it is scary, I don't like feeling like I am out of controll but lack of sleep can do that to you.
Try your gp and night lights.

my ds2 (7yrs) has developed a fear of being sick at night. I've bought him some bach rescue remedy and told him it's special medicine that will stop him being sick.

I know what he's afraid of. On a residential, and then twice while camping, he's seen other children and then his brother, being sick in the middle of the night.

can you talk to your dd about why the twins cry at night - can you reassure her that they are not scared of the dark, or distressed or scared. They are hungry/need nappy changing etc.

Do recommend bach rescue remedy. i'm treating it as a placebo. it's basically brandy, so it smells like its medicine. ds2 is convinced it works, which is all that bothers me. He normally remembers that he needs to take it, but does occasionally forget, which is encouraging.

Bosch I have never heard of bach rescue, where do you get it?

Got mine at a health food shop but I think boots sell it too. about £7.

We went away at new year and I forgot to pack it - he had to make do with contents of a liquer chocolate. Not my finest parenting hour!

sounds like an idea to me, I will have a look for it, may be better than what I am using.
Thanks :)

mommmmmy and bosch the rescue remedy is a good tip, and I invested in a small bottle of Medised recently for emergencies . Thanks for all the bedtime tips, BUT the main thing is, DD is not so scared in her own room with her 3 night lights and fairy lights and teddy and blankie - it's sitting in the lounge, or at the dinner table in the kitchen, or brushing her teeth in the loo. ALL lights are on, ALL curtains are closed, but she is terrified of the 'perceived' dark through the cracks in the blinds, or at the bottom of the curtains. She gets edgy, frightened and upset, then completely fullblown hysterical, despite all the lights being on. We cannot reason with her, it is an irrational, imagination thing.... Will dig out the rescue remedy, and try to have more patience.

That sounds harder then as it is the dark outside you cannot do anything about.How about showing her the street lights outside, or letting her take her blankie and tourch around the house with her.
She may feel protected more with her comfort blankie and if she see's any dark creep through the curtain she can shine her tourch onto it.
I hope it works as it is very fustrating when you feel you can't help, but other than that lets hope this is just a phase, fingers crossed.

There is a story about big bear and little bear that culminates in little bear being scared of the dark outside that cannot be cured with the biggest lantern of them all (read this story far too many times!) Big bear takes litte bear outside and shows him the moon and how it's not realy dark at all.

Could you try similar (according to icon at top of page it's full moon time at the moment) should be quite bright, once her eyes have adjusted?

Recommend th ebook btw

thanks mommmmy, I know there is not much I can do apart from give her all the babyish things to trail around the house she's not normally allowed, and be nice to her. How irritating! OGM Deuce, I hate that bear story with a vengeance!!!! :o sorry....She's alright when we're out and about walking in the darkness to youth club etc though, it's just once you come in and shut the door the fun and games start. Oh the joy of mummyhood.

try again

Oh X post!!!!