How can I help my DD to be more socially confident?

[olivo]

DD has always been quite shy and sensitive; she has always mixed with other children ,and had some strong friendships at nursery, but her shyness and anxiety are getting in the way now, and often she comes across as rude as she will not speak when people speak to her. She will not leave our sides and it is getting us all wound up. Dropping her off at school is a nightmare, she still clings and sometimes cries, and aprties and playdates, it take ages to get her to join in. today at a party, she spent ost of it in tears, due to one thing andanother, and wanted me by her side all the time. it is exhausting and I dont know what to do anymore.

can anyone offer any solutions?

how old is she?

How old?

Maybe just leave her be - if she needs more reassurance then give it. Perhaps the extra reassurance (without making it obvious that you find it frustrating), will give her a secure footing to be more confident?

oh, sorry, she is 4. she is very 'young in the year' but seems years younger than her classmates.
I just find it so hard to have to have her crying all the time,for example week on week when arriving at ballet class (she is not forced, she really wanted to do it and she knows she can stop at any point!!), she cries and will not let go of me.

She sounds in many ways like my DD. She's now 5, also one of the youngest in her year, and has turned a corner socially over the last year. I was really concerned this time last year.

She also struggled to reply to people (even friends), but is slowly improving. She didn't mix much at all at preschool, but became interested in other children once at school, but found it hard to join in.

Her reception teacher was very proactive and gave her an IEP (Individua Education Plan) to address her issues joining in - e.g. encouraging working with a few key friends, small group work, me going in for 45mins once a week to play a game with DD and few others.

My DD was reluctant to join in with activities, but didn't get too anxious as long as I was there. She would go to friends only if I was going to stay and have a coffee with the Mum. So I focused on having friends here, which has helped her friendships.

In the last few weeks she has started going to friends houses and is finally happy to be left. Plus she's started at Rainbows this week, again very happily - easy group to join as all from her school.

Not sure if my long waffle helps, just trying to show that my DD who was very much behind in her social development is now making good progress. She's still shy, but growing in confidence.

thank you MrsBrolly, they sound very similar and it is very reassuring to hear that your DD is managing much better. My DD is reasonably confident on her own territory, and I have spoken to her teacher, as when we ask DD who she played with , she often says no one; we were worried but the teacher assures us she plays a with a small group of girls regularly.

Sounds like she's doing OK at school, it's more unfamiliar people/situations that worry her then.

DD used to say she played with no-one too - which for her was sometimes true as she was happy in her own company a lot, but often she just didn't want to tell us!

I found that there seemed a huge diffence at the beginning of reception between the children who were only just 4 and those having 5th birthdays. By the end of the year the gap seemed so much less, the younger ones do catch up a lot.

I suppose pursuing friendships with the group of girls she likes is the best bet, through that she should keep gaining confidence.

Mrs Brollyhook - I am interested that your daughter was given and Individual Education Plan for her shyness/lack of social confidence - did you ask for one? My DD is 3.5 and will start school in September and is currently at nursery attached to the school. Sometimes she won't speak to the nursery teachers even although she loves nursery and I am really concerned that this shyness will hold her back at school. Do you think i could ask for an IEP when she joins school?
In the meantime, she has a couple of nursery friends and I am encouraging playdates with them to increase her confidence and encouraging confidence in other areas e.g she can ride her bike without stabilisers.

My DD1 was soo shy when she was 3/4 she wouldnt speak to anyone that wasnt family and we regulary took her places like dancing etc but didnt seem to help. At pre-school she only spoke to one lady and so when she left for part-time school they couldnt really assess her as she never spoke - yet at home we couldnt shut her up. I think it just takes time my DDs turning year was her first year fulltime at school at the beginning she was like yours people would say hello and try and interact with her and she would just ignore them. But by the end of the year she was so much better that when i went to pick her up one day the teacher said DD shouted her today as she needed her help..... from the other side of the room full voice. shes now in year 1 and is still a little hesistant but has 2 best friends that shes joined at the hip with.

Just carry on doing what your doing and she'll slowly build her confidence.